30 Months Later

Today is our 30th monthiversary! So, I figured it was time for a post about Sam and me and our marriage. I know so many of my posts are all about Banner and motherhood, and why wouldn't they be? This parenthood thing is the biggest event that has ever happened to me - or will ever happen to me, I'm almost 100% sure! But, I don't want to neglect how much of our life is about just being Samber. I am so lucky to have my best friend as my husband, especially in this past year or so of scary, adventurous, exciting, anxious, out-of-control, amazing times. There is no one else I would want by my side through it all.

Although Sam and I don't go out as often as we'd like anymore, and we're always wanting more date nights, we pretty much spend a lot of quality time together after Banner goes to sleep. We cook together, clean together, watch TV, chat about our days, and snuggle every night. However, I was so worried in Banner's early days and first couple months that Sam and I would never have time for each other - we were both overtired, on survival mode, and gave any energy we had to our newborn. There were nights I cried to Sam telling him how much I missed him. There were days I felt completely disconnected from him. There were days and nights (and there still are on rare occasions) that we were so NOT on the same page and had to stop talking to each other in order to not say something really hurtful. There have been more apologies in the past 9 months than the past 9 years, and we argue way more than we ever used to.

Why? Well, it's not about us anymore. We've added a whole new element - operative word being "new." We are both on unfamiliar territory and both thrown into a world where there really aren't any right answers. Our rabbi once told us during premarital counseling that marriage is an opportunity to create. We get to define us and how we are going to be as a couple. Well, parenthood is the same way. We have a huge opportunity to create this unique family as we see fit, but we have to be on the same page about that, and that takes a LOT of communication. Luckily, this is our strength. But, even for a couple who boasts about their communication skills, we have had our struggles. There are times we had to just ignore each other for a while, sit out in our own corners until we had cooled off enough to come back to a better place. I knew becoming a parent was going to be a challenge. But, becoming a co-parent has been a whole other challenge. We brought with us our past, our dreams, our wishes for our child - and those things may or may not be the same. Huge learning curve for both of us! People who have kids "to save a marriage," well, that's just a death sentence really! Dumbest thing I've ever heard!

I remember being in the hospital the night after Banner was born just chatting in the dark with Sam. We talked about how hard it would be to have gone through the birth process and the huge life-changing event that we were going through if we didn't already know each other so well. Sam wondered how couples who didn't know each other for as long or as deeply as we did could manage such a big change. I feel the same way now. I thank God every day that I have an understanding husband who knows me inside and out, sometimes better than I know myself. I am so fortunate that we have learned how to communicate even better than before in order to make our family work!

There are going to be ups and downs when it comes to parenting, I know. But, I watched my mom make parenting decisions on her own since my parents were divorced and all the discipline was pretty much up to her. She got to do things her way, without objection from another parent. I knew I'd have to compromise on occasion, and compromising on what you think is best for your kid is beyond difficult! But, ultimately, isn't our happy marriage staying happy the best thing for Banner in the long run? (Say yes... it will help us validate our cruise we're planning to take just the two of us later this year!)  So, we continue to work through all of these hiccups that parenting has brought to our relationship.

Like I said before, though, there is not one other person on the face of this planet who could take Sam's place, who would know me and trust me the way he does. Thank God for our history. Thank God for our friendship. Thank God for "I'm sorry!" (Love DOES mean having to say you're sorry! And, often! My friend, Casey, wrote a great Valentine's Day post about this... "I'm sorry I haven't brushed my teeth all day." "I'm sorry I threw that pacifier across the room." "I'm sorry I snapped at you in the middle of the night!" (My other friend, Mandy, told me it was a rule in her house that nothing said in the middle of the night counted! Love this rule!) "I'm sorry I forgot to put Banner's formula back in the fridge and now the entire quart is spoiled." "I'm sorry I let Banner eat the mail on the way in from the mailbox, and now he's swallowing bits of paper." "I'm sorry I have to work late tonight and the next night, and you'll be on your own!" "I'm sorry I didn't listen when you said Banner was going to go for that cup of water on the coffee table next to my computer!")

So, 30 months later, here we are. I am still my beloved's, and my beloved is still mine! Sunday night, Sam and I just cuddled in bed not wanting to let each other go. He kept telling me how much he loved me, and I kept telling him how much I loved him. It's been an interesting past few months, but I think our marriage is even stronger because of all we've learned. We have learned how to walk away when we're losing it, we've learned how to speak to each other after some time of quiet reflection, we've learned that it's hard to stay upset with each other, we've learned how to balance each other out and take care of each others' needs. We've learned to let each other sleep in once a week. We've learned how to allow each other personal time. We've learned each others' limits and triggers and how to recognize cues and solve problems before they arise.

30 months is nothing. We have so many more months ahead of us, I pray! Our marriage is still in its infancy, I know. But, I'm proud of how far we've come, even when I didn't know how far we had to go! I thought we'd just slip right into this parent thing - getting along on every aspect. I'm glad we have learned and I'm glad we're in this together. I love being married to Sam. I love being his wife. There are days I just want to stay in his arms and not move!  I just feel like this life is flying by, and it makes me want to freeze time. Sometimes I love him so much it hurts. Sometimes I miss him when he's right in front of me. Every "sixth" of each month, we tell each other "Happy Monthiversary!" and I love that. I love the sixth of every month, just like I love the ninth of every month when we celebrate a new month in Banner's life. So, happy 6th, Sam. Happy Monthiversary! I love you!