Banking

On my way to work each morning, I have a few moments to reflect on how things are going in my new role as a working mom. I can't help but think of my time as a variety of little piggy banks with different labels on each one. On one piggy is the label: Sam. In that bank, I deposit my coins (my time) when we go on a date, stay up late talking or playing, eating dinner together, etc. On another bank is the word: Banner. I get to add coins to that one when I play with him and spend quality time just the two of us. Yet another piggy reads "Work" and I add time by dedicating myself to my job. There are many other banks, too: Errands, House, Sleep, Family Time, just to name a few. There are others like "Kira's Wedding" or "Visiting Robyn" that might just sit lonely for a while until I can get to them, but they are always there on my mind, waiting for me to add a deposit. And then, there is the bank that I often overlook altogether that reads: Amber.

I feel good when I imagine myself adding to these banks, but it's hard to keep them balanced and somewhat full when I'm on complete overload much of the time. When I attend a work event late in the evening, I may feel like I get to add a deposit to the "Work" bank, but the Banner bank is being emptied - and THAT really bugs me. Anything that takes away from him and/or Sam makes me really rethink how important it is. But, then again, without other banks to fill, I may ultimately deplete the Banner or Sam bank, so it's important for me to try to keep a healthy balance and a healthy perspective.

Another analogy that always comes to mind (and has since Banner was born) is the Sims game. If you have ever played a Sims game, the goal is to proceed through the game by creating a life for your Sims character(s) and to maintain their happiness, health, hygiene, and relationships at the same time. When one status decreases (sleep, for example), another one increases (hunger, for example). You have to tell your character when to use the restroom, when to eat, when to interact with another character, etc. The player can manipulate the character in ways to increase happiness, decrease sleepiness, increase hygiene, etc. I always feel like I'm trying to maintain these statuses with Banner - all the time! Changing a wet diaper increases his comfort level; feeding him decreases his hunger level; playing with him increases his happiness; napping him decreases his fatigue level; bathing him increases his hygiene level; reading and singing to him increases his learning level, and the list goes on and on.

It's just a lot to have on my mind, trying to balance so many aspects of my routine and my time. There's no way to keep the balance in each bank the same, but I often feel like I'm trying. There are some banks that I have to contribute deposits when I don't really want to (work, errands, cleaning) because they take away from the banks I want to add to (Banner, Sam, family, Amber, etc). Keeping up with these banks all the time reminds me of that common question that working mothers often face: Can we have it all? I'm trying to balance these banks, but I'm often stressed by trying to DO it all. So much to do, so little time now that I'm back at work, and I'm just going to have to get better at not driving myself crazy in the meantime. But, that will take a lot of time, patience, and practice. . . and THAT you can bank on!