To Change or Not To Change... That's Been the Question

No, this post is not about whether or not to change a midnight dirty diaper, as Sam thought the title might suggest...

Here we are - 2 years after "I Do!" and I thought I'd give an update on how things have been with my decision to keep my maiden name. I went on my soapbox years ago about how and why I decided not to change my last name when I got married. If you don't remember that (or never read it), click on this link for more about my decision.

I had promised Sam after one year of marriage that I would reconsider changing my last name. Well, that year came and went, and not only was Sam completely okay with my decision, he said he couldn't imagine me having another name. I decided to keep my name. The year hadn't been so bad with all the mix-ups and the confusion that others had to deal with because of my/our decision. So, now another year has passed - another year of confusion, mix-ups, and questions. And, to make matters more difficult, we now have a baby with Sam's last name (see below on why his last name and not mine). Here are a few things that we experience with different last names:

-I get called Mrs. HisLastName all the time. He gets called Mr. MyLastName a lot. Usually, this is by people we don't care to correct: the cashier, the plumber, the waiter, etc. It just doesn't matter if they have the correct name.
-We get mail for Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName, and sometimes (rarely) we get mail for Mr. and Mrs. MyLastName.
-When we told our pest control service that we were married, they automatically changed the name on the account to Sam and Amber HisLastName. I set up the account, and the house is in my name, so I'm not sure why they changed it, but... oh well.
-When Banner was born, he was referred to as Banner MyLastName because he was born to me, the patient. We had to tell several staff there that his last name was different. The insurance was a hassle, too. We have Banner covered only through Sam's work, but I am covered under both my work and Sam's work. Somehow, I was listed under Sam's policy as "Amber HisLastName" but under my policy, I was listed correctly. It has been a little bit of a maze to get this resolved, but it's currently all taken care of.

So, the big question I get now is, "Now that you have a kid, are you going to change your name?" Well, the answer is: No, I'm not. I'm perfectly fine with these mix-ups. While I wish others were more sensitive to the issue and didn't make assumptions all over the place, I am pleased with my choice, and I believe Sam is, too. Perhaps the biggest problem will be that all 3 of us will inevitably be mixed up with each others' last names. That's okay with me, though. I feel like it makes us all more bonded to each other - even through this name challenge. I'm sure when Banner is in school, the teachers will assume I'm remarried or that I'm the step-mother. I'll have to explain it or tell them that Sam and I are Banner's parents (and that we are married). I'm sure he'll get sick of having to explain that, but he'll also learn to have a respect for choice, for women, and for self. That's the main reason I didn't really care what Banner's last name was. I was given a name at birth - a name I grew attached to. So, why change it? Banner is not attached to a name at this point - so why should it matter what name he is given? In my gut, it bothers me that children are automatically given the father's last name as if they belong to him (and not the mother?). From this perspective, I could have argued for fairness and either merged our names or hyphenated it. But, that would have been for ME and not for Banner. He doesn't know any different; he has no self-identity yet. So, I decided to not push any buttons and "go with the flow" on this issue. But, maybe our next kid will have MY last name! :) (although entirely feasible, that's a joke, so don't go emailing me hate mail)