Thinking of Grandpa

My dad's father, my Grandpa, is in the hospital and not doing well. He's 91 years old, the eldest of his siblings, and my last living grandparent. Grandpa used to say that we "grew up together." I have such fond memories of him from even a very young age, and while he's in the hospital and fighting to either live or die, I want to remember those fun, funny, meaningful times of him. I've been told it's probably not a good idea to go see him as he currently is, that it will be too painful and hard to see. But, it's hard to justify not spending time with a person while he is still here on Earth, while he is in a state that he they may be able to hear me, while he is most in need of his family. So, while I struggle with what to do - to go to the hospital or not - I have spent a lot of time just thinking back on all our times together. Grandpa, these are for you:

-I remember the fun times swimming at your pool, pouring water over your bald head and patting the top of your shiny head as the water sprinkled down.
-I remember you cutting the bushes with big shears, with a white tank and shorts on.
-I remember wondering why Dad would cut the little whiskers that grew out of your bald head. I always thought that was weird since you had such little hair to begin with.
-I remember you telling me to learn how to play the piano so I could entertain a room full of guests when I was older.
-I remember you waiting for us to get out of school. You read Time magazine with the AM radio on in the car. You brought each of us our favorite chocolate candy bars before taking us to Hebrew school.
-I remember driving down any given street, you asking us to tell you where to drive. We'd say, "Turn right," and you'd pretend to turn right too soon making us laugh endlessly. You'd listen to the music and shake our right hand to "dance" to the music.
-I remember Hanukkahs, Christmases, high holidays, and Father's Days with you.
-I remember services in the choir loft watching you sing - or fall asleep during the sermons.
-I remember you singing in funny voices - either very high pitched or very low tones.
-I remember watching how you could eat the bones when eating a piece of chicken, an onion like it was an apple, or an entire jalapeno.
-I remember you teaching me about how to read the information about stocks and bonds and how to tell if my investments had paid off.
-I remember watching you with your sisters and brother and how much love I know is shared between you all and how much you miss each other.
-I remember you teaching me about your past - telling me stories of your mother and father, your upbringing and hardships, and your time spent in the war.
-I remember pool parties and birthday sleepovers at your house.
-I remember all your silly jokes that you'd heard from the rabbi or from choir friends.
-I remember how excited you were to be able to send me to Israel on my 16th birthday.
-I remember how loyal you were to Granny and then to Dora.
-I remember watching you help shovel dirt onto Grandma's coffin at her funeral. I remember how fond of her and Papa you & Granny were and how much fun you all seemed to have together - like your trip to Israel together and the holidays shared together.
-I remember the college phone calls that lasted only 30 seconds so we wouldn't get charged.
-I remember you asking about Sam and "what's new" with him and me. You were curious about him and wanting only what was best for me.
-I remember picking you up and driving you to places. You'd tell me I needed to get gas before the light goes on in the car. You'd tell me stories of places we would pass. You always ask how work is going and can't believe I am working at the same school I went to as a young girl - the same school you sat in front of at least twice a week - waiting to take us home.
-I remember taking pictures with you on my wedding day. You were a little shaky as you held my waist, so I slipped my hand behind my back and grabbed your hand through all the pictures to help you stop shaking as I told myself to remember holding your hand on that day for the rest of my life. And, to this day, I can still feel your hand in mine. I can still feel your skin and your warmth as if it's happening right now.

My list goes on and on, but one thing is certain: I remember how you helped try to keep the peace between our family. I remember your love for your family. There are things in your life that you would not have chosen for your family, for us; but, you never stopped loving ever! Thank you for loving my mother as your own daughter. Thank you for being a hard worker for your family. Thank you for all these sweet memories. I hope whatever happens in the next few days or weeks, that you are are at peace, that you know we are thinking of you, that you know we want only what is best and painless for you, and that you know you are so loved.