I'm taking the advice of a friend of mine who wanted me to blog about my own birthday and "what new words" I've learned this year. :) I think it's a great idea. Why not tell myself where I am at 35-years old? So, here goes:
Typically, I look forward to my birthday. It used to be my most favorite day of the year. June 26, always too far away... couldn't wait for it to get here. And this year, that changed. I don't necessarily have a fear of the number "35," but it was this year at 34 that I began to feel extremely existential. People around me - people younger than me or people very close in age - have faced some very difficult stuff. And it's getting scarier. My kids are getting big fast. I think a lot about my parents and my aunts and uncles and how time with them is limited. It always has been, but it's the realization that they won't be around forever - it's the memories I have of them when they were my age - it's knowing how fast time flies. It's just been getting to me lately. I just want time to slow down. I don't want it to stop, of course, just slow (the _) down!
This was also the year that my hair decided to betray me! While I've had grays since planning my wedding (yes, the year I was engaged was the year I started getting gray... imagine that!), this year took the cake for most grays acquired. Chalk it up to age or parenthood or stress. Who knows what causes it? But, there's a swarm invading my head. I know I'm not alone, and my peers are telling me they are experiencing the same thing. But that doesn't necessarily help that existential feeling. I don't want to see my friends getting older either.
At 35...
I feel confident about who I am. I'm liking the mother I am, even though I have a lot of work to do in that department, too. Sam and I are strong and happy. I'd love a new house. I'd love to be a better house-keeper (or at least have one! see below, though!), but I realize I'll always fight a battle with clutter with two boys in my house. I'm excited to start my new part-time job in August. I feel good about how my kids are developing, and I'm so grateful for their health and happiness. I wish I had more time with friends, and I miss my girl time very much. My favorite things to do are sleep, shower, and veg on the couch. Yes, I'm pretty easy to please - but those things can be hard to come by around here! I'm entirely sick of thinking about food (meals for kids and what they might attempt to eat, snacks for when they're hungry, how I should be eating better, how much do we have left in the house before I have to go to the grocery store for the __th time this week, cleaning it off the floor, wiping it off the table, etc). I'm slightly negative about our world - politics and our leaders, my faith in humanity, our dependence on social media, the headaches I get from the negative news coverage. I still love pizza, mac and cheese, pedicures, spending all day in my pajamas if I can, seeing my kids happy, sleeping through the night, back rubs, date nights, and chocolate. And, I still hate being hot! :)
You wake up too early, usually around 6:30, or anytime before then: 1:20, 3:40, 5:10. . . you know, whenever the kids decide to climb into bed or scream your name at an ungodly hour. You go to bed way later than you should, but that's mostly because once it's quiet in the house and you have time to yourself, you don't want to let it go. It's too hard to climb into bed to end the bliss of a peaceful evening - although it just might be your favorite time of day as your head hits the pillow. You've grown leaps and bounds in the past few years - mostly able to touch any bodily fluid and not flinch or think twice. You've been puked on, spit up on, had snot wiped across you, pooped on - it just doesn't phase you.
New words and phrases I learned this year: "yesternight" from Banner (it's a real word!), "laryngomalacia" (Quinn's diagnosis at 10-months-old), "herpangina" (an illness Quinn had last summer), "bronchiolitis" (an illness Banner had in the winter), "No, that doesn't work for me," when I can't/don't want to do something, "That's 1," (our system for disciplining the boys). I'm sure there are plenty more - but I can't quite think of any right now.... another symptom of aging (or motherhood?), where I can't think straight anymore.
So, how did we celebrate the big day?
On this actual birthday, we started celebrating last night - when Sam and I had a date night, thanks to Mom who watched the boys. Sam and I went to dinner, and after I returned from using the restroom, there was a letter waiting for me in my seat. When I opened the envelope, inside was a gift certificate for a house-keeping service! Perfect gift that will keep on giving!! Then, this morning, we celebrated by starting the day off with donuts then a special trip to the carwash with both boys where we enjoyed cake and cupcakes with Levi, Luca, and Amanda (thank you, Amanda, for such a yummy treat!), then hanging out at Grandma's. Banner didn't feel well today, so our plan for a movie date was not in the cards, but we just hung out with Grandma, Levi, and Aunt Kira and then got ready to go out to eat. I have to interject here that something amazing happened today, and Sam called to let me know about it while we were at the carwash and then we watched news coverage of it while at Grandma's house. The Supreme Court finally ruled it unconstitutional to forbid same-sex marriages. What a great day to be celebrating! I'm over the moon for this decision, and that it happened on my birthday was icing on the cake! Anyway, then we went to Kobe, where I've celebrated almost all of my birthdays since I was 17 years old. So delicious... and it's fun to watch the kids watch the chef!
Even though I was really dreading this birthday for a while, and I don't like the idea of time slipping away from me so quickly, I had a great birthday. I heard from friends and family near and far - got calls, text, cards, gifts, and lots of love! I do know how fortunate I am to have so many amazing people in my life, to have my health, to have my babies, to have my Love, to have my support system and true friends, to have my home and my education and even my mobility. I don't take any of it for granted!
You are one very lucky lady, Amber, and it's been a pleasure being you for 35 years.
Here's to healthy, happy, and many more years ahead!
Love,
Amber
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| Mara made cupcakes for the occasion! YUMMY! |
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| The cake the restaurant made for us - although they cut Banner out :( |
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| Banner did NOT feel well :( |
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| Anniversary of the day we met. Our "Birth" Day! |
