Missing My Mommy

There are nights when I'm putting Banner to sleep when he simply wants me to keep rubbing his back. As my belly has gotten larger with this second baby on the way, and as my feet swell, my back aches, and my exhaustion mounts up, I'm so done at the end of the day. Hanging over Banner's crib trying to reach his little back to gently stroke or tickle it back and forth for several minutes can seem like an eternity sometimes. I hate feeling this way when I just want to show him my love and affection without any annoyed feelings. Many nights, I probably rush this more than either of us would really like - and usually that doesn't work out too well as Banner will call me back in again and again until I've spent a good amount of time doing some quality back-rubbing. I don't resent him for wanting me to rub his back and help him relax at the end of a playful day. I quite like that he wants the affection, attention, and caress that I can give him. But, sometimes I'm just so damn tired and want to go do my own thing for a bit before starting the whole day over again in a few all-too-short hours of sleep.

On those particular nights that I'm most exhausted or frustrated that he won't just go to sleep already, I find that if I channel my own mother, I become the most affectionate, calming person... no.... mother. When I think back to the nights that she would rub my back, run fingers through my hair, stroke my cheeks or forehead, . . . well, those are the times I can feel Banner relaxing, settling, and eventually beginning to want to doze off. But, those are also the same nights that I feel an extreme missing of MY mommy.

Maybe I'm being overly emotional tonight, but as I leaned over Banner's crib, tears just streamed down my face as I rubbed his back and head thinking of my mom and how much I miss her just cuddling me, calming me, soothing me for so many nights. I think of how she must have been bone tired, too - yet having the patience and time to give herself to her three children all by herself. Sometimes I wish I could just have those moments again - as a child - to really tell her how much I appreciate her.

I thought about calling my mom to tell her all of this right away - because I DO still have her in my life. I could drive over to her house right now and have her hug me, hold me, cuddle me, rub my back. I honestly don't think I'd get through the phone call or drive there without sobbing. I am so grateful that I still have her in this world. As those tears fell down my face, I kept thinking about Sam and how I hurt for him not having his mom here. It made me crave my own mother; it made me starve for Leslie FOR Sam.

And, it made me grateful that I can be that person for Banner. It's in moments like these that I feel an intense bond to Banner - even through "channeling" my mom. He's simply wanting me the same way I wanted (and still want) my mommy. How could that frustrate me?  Tonight, and others like it, remind me that there is no other person on this planet who can do my job. There is no other person as important to Banner as I am - no one else in this role of "Mommy" who can put his needs first and foremost, who will support, love, and cherish him like no other. And, if I do my job right - just like my mom did and still does - then one day, he will yearn for my hugs, my kisses, my sweet caresses because it will remind him just how loved and safe he is.  And, just like I felt tonight, he'll know that even when he can't have me physically next to him, that I'm right there with him all the time - cheering him on, encouraging him, calming him, supporting him, nurturing him, and loving him fiercely.

Mom, I love you so much - and I hope you know how appreciative I am for all your hard work, dedication, patience, attention, attendance, nurturing, affection, . . . the list goes on and on. Thank you for loving me perfectly and for teaching me how to love. This motherhood thing is rough, but when I remember back to my childhood and put myself in Banner's place, the mother in me comes alive and I find myself knowing instinctively what to do and feel - and all that frustration melts away - because you taught me how to do the most important job I'll ever do. For that, I could never thank you enough, and I am forever indebted to you.

Time to PARTY!

Warning: LOTS OF DETAILS AND PICTURES AHEAD! 

Before I dive into Banner's 2nd birthday party details, I want to recount for my own memory what we did this entire weekend because it all seemed so fun and special. Friday was very busy and completely unrelated to birthday festivities. We had our second day of a garage sale, which we held at my mom's house. We had spent the night at her house for two nights in a row to be more efficient with our early morning time. I absolutely hated the garage sale, but I loved being at my mom's house with Banner and Sam. When we left on Friday night after packing up the garage, donating unsold items, and enjoying a yummy, fun dinner with everyone there, I felt like we were driving home from a weekend away. It was nice to be back in my own home, but we had all had such a fun time at Mom's, and Banner always enjoys his time there with all the fun people in and out of her house.

Saturday was a busy day, as well. We were in full "party-planning" mode with a long list of to-dos to cross off. Sam and Banner ran several quick errands while I baked cupcakes and stuffed party favor bags for Banner's birthday party. My goal in preparing for his birthday parties is to never take away my time from him just to have a cute party. But, he loves running errands with his daddy, so this worked out well. As soon as they got home from the grocery store, the bank, our storage room, and Sam's office, we headed to the park while the cupcakes cooled. This was SO FUN! I absolutely love the park Randi just told me about (which we had also seen on the news last week). It is a safe, enclosed!!, accessible-to-all, fun place to explore. I wanted Sam to see it since I have a feeling Banner and I will be going there often! When we left, we were debating on whether or not to go home for lunch or pick something up on the way. Sam jokingly suggested we go to Gattitown, but once I thought about it, I loved the idea! Banner had his first pizza buffet, and it was awesome! We ate lunch in the theater room, which kind of reminded me of eating at a pizza place called Crystal's that my grandma used to take me to when I was little.

 

After lunch, we headed home for nap time, and that's when my mom came over to help me prepare more for the party. Banner took a great nap. Grandma was the one who giddily woke Banner up from it, and he was delighted to see her. Later, Sam grilled chicken for dinner while Banner played in the flower bed - his favorite outdoor activity! When we were eating, my dad dropped by to give Banner his birthday gift, which Banner loved and kept saying, "More Big Boss." After dinner, Banner continued to be in Grandparent-Heaven by joining Sam at his dad's house for a quick birthday errand.

Then, Banner and I showered before getting ready for bed. Both Sam and I had some special moments with Banner. (Sam will blog about this in a guest post soon.) I shed a few tears as I put my one-year-old to bed for the last time. I just couldn't get enough of him - that moment of knowing it was my last evening to hold my 23-month-old.

The last photo of my one-year-old

The following day was the big day! Sunday morning, I woke up early to get things ready for party time! It was raining, and I was supposed to be hosting this party outside - at a splash park. I was SO bummed throughout the week that the forecast was calling for rain on Sunday, but I was hopeful that the rain would be gone, that maybe it wouldn't have started yet, or that the meteorologists were wrong! Lo and behold, it poured Sunday morning - the last call for rain for a while and the day after one of the most beautiful, breezy, sunny days I actually enjoyed being outside while 25 weeks pregnant. But, another one of my goals for Banner's birthday parties is to never sweat the small stuff. Just like last year's party being WAY too windy for any of my decorations and food to stay put, this year's rain was not about to take away from celebrating my healthy, happy boy. I have so much to be grateful for, and I know not everyone is as fortunate as we are - so I am never going to throw a party and be upset about something as minor as the weather. However, I was a bit annoyed that our plans took a turn from being outside at a rather entertaining venue to being at our small-ish, needing-to-be cleaned home! It's amazing how fast you can clean a house when you know 50+ people are on their way!

I finished last minute decorations on the cupcakes, and Sam and I began cleaning the house while we watched Banner stir in his crib for about 45 minutes. Finally, he called out for us, and at this point, we both excitedly walked in to his room with a bag full of balloons that we threw in Banner's bed. Banner was less than thrilled at first. In fact, he was crying before we even opened the bag. But, soon he realized what was going on and started happily playing with the balloons. We sang "Happy Birthday," and then he "helped" clean up here and there before the big event.

Wakey Wakey!

Tossing balloons up

"Cheese!"

The theme of Banner's party was "School Bus," even though in the past few weeks he has requested a "Digger" or "Dump Truck" party. I chose this theme because it was one of the first vehicles that Banner recognized and was obsessed with this year. Any time he wanted to watch a YouTube video on my phone, he would say, "Boo Bus" ("School Bus"), and any time we would see one on the road, he would get super-excited! I feel like this was THE vehicle of the year - even though more recently he's been into construction trucks. Still, though, he gets giddy and excited when we see a school bus on the road - or better yet a whole fleet of them!

There were so many cool ideas for this theme that we had fun with. My favorites were the party favor bags and the food labels. I found some great ideas on Pinterest, came up with some on my own, and merged the two on some things. The teacher in me was loving the creativity part of party planning!

Coloring page that went in party favor bags

I got these bus candy wrappers on this site for free!

Party favor bag included coloring page, crayons, a mini Play-Doh, two bus chocolates, and left-over soap favors from Banner's first birthday party! :)

Crayon favors

Cupcake toppers ready to go!

Bus Barn - party favor bags ready to go

Papa & Banner

Banner skipping with Grandma

Best friends

Casey & Caden

Alan, Marin, Landry, Randi, and Ella

Bus Driver NaNa

Emma & Marin

Ryan

Family Pic Time

Aunt Jacque & Nami

Colby & Miles

Aunt Kindle, Aunt Keiko, Ian, and Aunt Kiki

David, Myka, and Lindsay

Bus Driver Evan

Love!

Mom with Sandler & Taryn

Uncle Brock with Banner

Nami, Regan, and Taryn

Aunt Mischelle with Banner & Brycen

The party went really well, considering it was a last-minute change of venue and there were lots of toys, toddlers, and grown-ups all over the place! It was nice to have a house full of so many friends and family, though! Banner seemed to not be feeling 100%, not sure why. I was somewhat sad that he wasn't his smiley, giggly, happy-go-lucky self, but he did skip around from time-to-time, and he was still definitely friendly and sociable. He did amazingly well letting everyone sing "Happy Birthday" to him as well as blowing out his candles. I was one proud mama! 

Aunt Gayle & Banner

Uncle Brock & Banner

Landry went shopping!

Marin

Simon

Brycen and his daddy

Catching the ball

Colby and "Grandma"

Myka & Banner

Sweet Birthday Kisses

Marin and her Aunt Fran

Cherie, Jed, Daddy, and Banner

Once his friends had left and only a few family members remained, Banner requested an early nap. He slept over 3 hours, and we finally woke him up at 4:00 to open his gifts. He loved his presents and kept insisting that we "Open! Open!" everything right away. He was not very patient with Mommy & Daddy who kept insisting that we wait to open boxes until all gifts were unwrapped.

The rain ended before the party even started, and while we still made the right decision to move the party to our house (since the splash ground area would have been muddy and icky), it's ironic that the rest of the day was absolutely gorgeous. In fact, after we opened gifts, Banner requested to go to the park. His wish was our command, so we ventured to the neighborhood park. But, again, Banner wasn't feeling 100%, and he requested to go home soon after we arrived. We came home, made the dinner Banner requested (hot dogs and macaroni and cheese), and then sang one final "Happy Birthday" and let Banner blow out one more candle on his dessert - a donut hole. Then, it was off to bed after a little bit of playtime with his new electronic bulldozer from Jed & Cherie.

Blowing out his candle

And there you have it! Our fun, eventful, busy, crazy weekend of birthday festivities! What fun we have had celebrating this 2nd birthday and our awesome boy!