Quinn's 4th Grade Art & Projects

Homeroom Teacher (Reading/LA/SS): Mrs. Elizabeth Laser-Karesh ("Mrs. Karesh")

Math/Science Teacher: Ms. Oksana Braun

Sunday School Teacher: Ms. Mandi Facher

I'm sorry these are a little out of order, but the computer is not placing them correctly! Look for dates where you can to see when these took place. :)

You take so much pride in your work, Quinn! Your work is neat, organized, and well cared for. You are meticulous and measured in how you write, plan, and complete your work. I just LOVE your binders and notes. Always a pleasure to see these at the end of each year when you bring them all home!

Your beautiful notebooks are meticulous!

Science Fair - January 2024

From the beginning of the year - but returned at the end

Photography Project in Art Class with Ms. Rowe

With Mrs. Swearingen

Mrs. Braun & Mrs. Karesh

Showing us your work at Open House

Jack Skellington - for Book Characters in the Library

Book Character Parade - March 1, 2024

End of Year Family Awards Night 2024

Tova, this year, you earned the Communicative Canine Award! We are giving you this award because you have demonstrated even more understanding of the English language and of how to tell us what you want. You now understand the word "stay" which has been so very helpful. You let us know when you're about to vomit - coming up to us and snuggling extremely closely or in the most unusual places before your stomach starts pumping. You understand "out of the mud," "treat," "car," "walk," "bed," "up," "out," "water," and all of our names. One day when I was walking you during Quinn's recess time, I said, "Do you see Quinn?" and you immediately turned to try to find him. Once you spotted him, that tail of yours was wagging incessantly as you inched to try to go see him (which you couldn't because it was school time). You know when you are in trouble and what you should and shouldn't do. One day, you wouldn't follow me out of my bedroom, and as I went through the hallway and saw the insole of one of my shoes, I knew why you didn't want to show yourself. I said, "Toe-vah!" in that tone you don't like, and you "hid" in Knox's room, knowing you had done something I didn't approve of. I took the shoe and the insole downstairs, and you waited at the top of the stairs not knowing if you were still in trouble. I came back up and cuddled you, and then all returned to normal. You know "drop it" and "leave it" exceptionally well, and you (normally) obey immediately - even when it's really hard to do. You found a big slice of Spam on our walk one day. I didn't realize what it was until I got closer to see what was in your mouth and then noticed ants on it. Even though you really didn't want to drop it, you very slowly and reluctantly obeyed. You usually know "shake, shake," to help get extra water off you after a shower or when I need you to get any residual grass off of you when you have been rolling in the lawn. And you definitely know how to tell us to leave you the hell alone - showing those teeth or growling when the boys are in your face or annoying you or if we accidentally move into "your" space in bed. One of my favorite things is when I just pat the space next to me, and you know that means "come sit here with me." Thank you for being the best dog - so cool, cuddly, and communicative! 

Knox, this year, we are awarding you the Constant Climber Award! You earned this award for many reasons. Yes, you are always climbing on everything - the walls and door frames, the couch, the playground, you name it.... this award isn't really about climbing up on things. It's about you being able to overcome hard things and continually improving your skills. You started second grade after not really being challenged much in first grade. I was hopeful that your new teacher, Mrs. Rushing, would help you with handwriting, the writing process, and just being more accountable in your work ethic. She did not disappoint, and you did not either! You have grown so much this year academically. Your MAP scores prove that, and you even earned the Superintendent's Scholar Award for "outstanding academic performance in reading and math" for that growth. When Mrs. Swearingen said you needed to work on pushing through your PACE challenges, specifically the perplexors, we worked on those at home, and you started to enjoy them. While they can be difficult, you now know you can push through and not give up. You started speech with Ms. Kaley and OT with Ms. Becca, and you have made so much progress faster than expected in OT, that you are graduating out of it after only 3 months. You played soccer all school year - fall, winter, and spring seasons - and while you didn't always love it, you showed up for your team and tried to have fun. Your winter season was amazing, you were on fire on the field, aggressively chasing that ball and trying so hard to get the ball to the goal. You learned to snap this year, your handwriting is leaps and bounds better, your writing is so creative and fun to read, and you have more coping skills for dealing with things that annoy you (like your socks or your underwear). You have some really amazing friends, too. You defend them, stand by them, work it out with them, and have fun together. You're a good friend to them and know how to both choose the right people to hang out with while also being willing to let new friends in - even ones you once thought you didn't like but grew to care about. Childhood is hard and tricky and challenging. It can be bumpy and feel overwhelming. But this year, you have shown such persistence and growth as you learned new skills and sharpened ones you already learned. We're really proud of you and how far you've climbed all year long!

Quinn, this year, we are awarding you the Believe & Achieve Award. We almost called this the Ted Lasso Award or maybe the Hugo Reyes Award. No matter what we call it, it's given to you this year because we are so very proud of your belief in yourself and others. Both of the characters I mentioned struggled with anxiety and needed a little help through it. They also deeply cared for others and were strong, positive leaders. Like you, they are kind, sensitive, helpful, and funny! They both show so much compassion for others. They also aren't afraid to ask for help or show when they are struggling.  Quinn, you took so much initiative this year - to do a Science Fair project, to participate in the Spelling Bee, to ask for help when you needed it, to talk to the teacher when she misgraded something, to join a new baseball team where you really didn't know anyone, to comfort your friends or help settle their anxiety or drama or sadness. You made all but one A on your report card this year (that darn 88 in science the 2nd 9 weeks!). You have an amazing core group of friends. You started medicine for anxiety and have been working through your feelings with Dr. Ackerman. You constantly think of others and are beyond cooperative and helpful around the house and with Tova. You hardly ever complain when a request is made of you. Even if something is hard, you push through and don't give up. Ted Lasso said, "Belief doesn't just happen because you hang something on the wall, alright? It comes from in here (heart). You know? And up here (brain). Down here (gut). Only problem is we all got so much junk floating through us, a lot of times we end up getting in our own way. You know, crap like envy or fear, shame. I don't want to mess around with that shit anymore. You know what I mean? Do you? You know what I wanna mess around with? The belief that I matter - regardless of what I do or don't achieve. Or the belief that we all deserve to be loved, whether we've been hurt or maybe we've hurt somebody else. Or what about the belief of hope. Yeah? That's what I want to mess with. Believing that things can get better. That I can get better. That we will get better. Oh man, to believe in yourself. To believe in one another. Man, that's fundamental to being alive. And look, if you can do that, if each of you can truly do that, can't nobody rip that apart." 

Banner, this year, we are awarding you the prestigious honor or being this year's Mitzvah Mensch. The conclusion of the school year just so happens to coincide with the conclusion of your bar mitzvah prepping, which makes this a very appropriate award. However, that's not the only reason you are deserving of this award. This year, you did quite a bit of mitzvah work throughout the year working at Feed My Starving Children. And even though you got paid for your work as madrichim at Sunday school, you seemed to really enjoy the work you were doing with the little kids and the staff you worked with. You nearly had all A's on your report card this school year with very little work at home, but it was obvious that your grades were important to you. You were eager to get your group together to finish the Science Fair which nearly took all of us out. You were Most Outstanding Percussionist this year, and you decided to keep going with AVID and Band next year. You enjoyed Ms. Parker's class - showing us and teaching us about what you learned in her class. You weren't afraid to ask your teachers to improve your grade or to make sure they graded what you turned in. You're a really good friend, too, B. You showed up for your friends' basketball, football, and volleyball games throughout the year, even when you didn't make a team you wanted. You showed up with a smile on your face to your visits with Rabbi Stern, Hallie, and Haya. You have checked in on friends when they were down or when you were worried about them - although in the future, I'd like for you to not do that on your phone at 1:00am. You defended Judaism, although in the future, I'd like for you to keep your hands to yourself. You've attended more bar and bat mizvahs than I can count on two hands, and you've patiently waited your turn while some friends have usurped your theme or planned a party at the same venue as you. Being last is hard, but you've supported your peers along the way, and we are very proud of you and how you carry yourself. You're the first to show your good manners and care about others - asking how they're doing, knowing how to comfort a friend or cousin who is mourning, being a shoulder for a friend to cry in if they need. You are a mensch, B, and we are so very proud of your accomplishments this year.

We are so proud of all of you for your growth, determination, perseverance, courage, strength, kindness, positive attitude, and learning this year. 

And Another Year Makes 8! (Knox's Newsletter)

Dear Knox,

Well, here we are, a week after your 8th birthday, and I'm just now sitting down to write about all things YOU at 8-years-old! Life is busy and moving so fast these days, it's hard to settle down to try to capture all the words that describe you at this age. So, let me jump right in to the details. 

What are you like at 8?! Oh man, where do I even begin?

• When I think of Knox, I think: loud, scrawny, energetic, bold, demanding, cuddly, so smart, friendly, impulsive, silly, giggly, picky, inquisitive, quick, curious, sensitive, impatient, and sometimes angry and irritable.
• It's hard for me to remember that you are a big kid now, when you still really want to curl up in my lap and let me hold you, want me to flip you or let you stand on my hands as I hold you in the air while I lay on my back on the ground, are still so physically small, and want to have someone with you all the time.
• You are definitely the baby of the family. You demand a lot of our attention whether it's by being exceptionally loud or by whining about what's for dinner or by impatiently insisting on our presence wherever you are. (For example, you won't go up or downstairs without someone being there with you, won't go to the garage to get in the car unless someone is with you, won't let us step outside to take Tova out if no one else is inside with you.)
• You have a filthy mouth - both figuratively and literally. Your braces and expander make brushing hard, and food gets stuck all the time. You also cuss like a pirate, but we've decided that if it helps you deal with your frustration, we're willing to let you have a safe space at home to use whatever words you want (except calling people names, which is never allowed). So far (knock on wood!) you've been able to keep your mouth clean at school, but I'm fearful you're getting a little too comfortable with cussing. 
• Speaking of your mouth, you are very particular about what goes in it. We've just started speech and occupational therapy for your issues with food and various sensory issues (like putting socks on and feeling comfortable in them and tolerating brushing your teeth better). You are such a picky eater, but when you got pickier and stopped eating foods you once would, we decided to get an evaluation for OT and ST. You are just now starting to get that therapy, and I'm hopeful it will help you eat a variety of foods. There is not one vegetable you eat, and your fruit choices are down to bananas, apples, and, very rarely, cherries. What you DO eat, you eat very little of. 
• You've played soccer all year now, and the indoor winter season was the best so far. You grew in your skills and in your determination to want to succeed. I'm excited to see what this spring season brings, as you and your teammates work together better and better. (Favorite teammates: Isaac V., Isaac S., Elliott, Nathan D., Landon, Luke)
• You are a really good friend! You have the best "friend group" as you call it. You love Reid and Clark and Luke, RJ and Case, Desmon, Elliott, and Esther and Bella, Enaya, Elsa, and your girlfriend of 3 years now, Mila - still going strong there!
• In school, you continue to grow. You're reading at a mid-third grade reading level, and in almost every area you are above grade level. You love PACE usually, but it definitely gets you frustrated. We will continue to work on staying calm during those time. You are very well behaved at school, though. You might cry during PACE when you hit a roadblock, whereas at home, you yell and cuss and throw things and then blame me for everything that's wrong. 
• You hate sleeping alone. We've (temporarily?) moved your trundle mattress into Quinn's room, and you've been sleeping in there for about 3 weeks. It (usually) helps you and Quinn both get to sleep faster. You really just hate being anywhere alone, as I mentioned above.
• You are funny and have the best memory. You also have the best vocabulary and constantly shock us with the words you use that we didn't even know you know. The other day, you said something about figurative language after Quinn used the word "hyperbole." It was awesome!
• We celebrated your birthday by reading your annual I Believe the night before. Then, in the morning, we did our traditional balloons in bed and donuts/kolaches for breakfast. I brought you McDonalds for lunch at school, and for dinner, we went out to Nerdvana. So many of your favorite things all in one. Then, on Monday (which was Presidents Day so there was no school that day or the day after), we had a big turn out for your party at Free Play. You got some great gifts and many of the things you were asking for (Robux, V-bucks, hooded towels, Lego sets, and gift cards... you used one of the gift cards to buy yourself a SpiderMan web shooter you've been wanting, and you've played with it nonstop).
• We had your well-check with Dr. B. Here are your stats:
• Weight: 49 pounds = 8th percentile
• Height 48.25 inches = 20th percentile
• BMI: 14.7 = 20th percentile
• That 8th percentile in weight had Dr. B a little concerned, and he was glad we already had you in speech/feeding therapy. We really do need to get you to eat a larger variety, and you need to eat larger amounts of the foods you WILL eat. You are just so darn stubborn and refuse to branch out.

Knox Morgan, I sure do love you with all my heart. Still, you have become a challenge for me more and more with your fiery temper, your strong will, and your very particular preferences. Underneath all of that, you still are a cuddly, affectionate, sweet boy. You will sometimes just stop whatever you're doing and come up to me, especially when I seem stressed or overwhelmed, and say, "Can I give you a hug?" You are so very kind and loving to Tova (most of the time). Like last night, we were watching a Lost episode, and there were these sudden, loud noises throughout the episode (when the island was moving from one time to another), and you would run to Tova and cover her ears for her. You love to cuddle her and make sure she is okay. You love your time with your friends and your family - always asking if we can go to Grandma's house or to spend time with your cousins. You are fiercely protective of your friends - giving them advice on how to stand up to (what you call) bullies and wanting everyone to be included. You also really know how to manage your feelings and behaviors when at school, and for that, I appreciate you. We, at home, though, are your punching bags. You are loud, mean, rude, angry, and often irrational. 

I think that most of this is related to your brothers and not feeling heard - being the littlest and having to make your stance, your needs, your feelings loud and clear. When your brothers aren't around, you're usually a delight and easy to spend time with. You especially "butt heads" with Banner. The two of you are seemingly always "at" each other. But at the same time, you will ask (or he will ask) if you can sleep in his room, and you two stay up and chat. I think you two are more alike than different, and that's exactly why you have this deep love/hate relationship. You're super close with Quinn, and while you do fight with him some (like all siblings do with each other), you two are silly, imaginative, creative, and funny together. You are great playmates for each other. 

8 years have come and gone so quickly, and the years are only going faster at this point. I hope you've had the best year as a 7-year-old, and I hope the coming year is even better. 

I love you so much, Baby Love!!
Love,

Mom

Mid-day lunch visit at school!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KNOX! WE LOVE YOU!

~Untitled~

I walk through Party City, looking for the Hanukkah decorations. I pass the rows and rows of Christmas and New Year's Eve items, stopping briefly to contemplate buying my kids some reindeer antlers or Santa hats so they'll have something to wear to school when all the other kids will participate in the theme days counting down to winter break. Deciding not to, I continue looking for the Hanukkah aisle, and I find what I'm looking for on a small aisle and end cap. I just need some Hanukkah plates for our party this week. My options are pretty meager, so I round the corner just to make sure that I'm not missing any other choices. I turn around and come back towards the pathetic selection, and I feel an enormous sense of dread as I stop to pick out some plates. I don't want anyone to see me. A male employee is shelving some costumes behind me and pauses to ask if I need help. I smile quickly at him and say, "No, thank you. I'm good." Then a customer asks the employee a question. Meanwhile, the loudness in my head is saying, "Amber! Go, go, go. Quick, get out of this section! Yep, I'm the Jew here. Everyone come take a look. There's a JEW in the store." But, I quietly and calmly move to the blue decor to select utensils and cups - a safer place in the store, unless the items in my cart are visible to others. And now I have to check out. I turn the items upside down so the cashier can more easily scan the barcodes. But really, I'm hiding my plates and the one little silly Hanukkah headband I bought so maybe one of my kids will choose to participate in the theme days. "Thank you," I say to the cashier after he bags my items, and I head to my car wondering what awful things he is thinking about me. 

This is what it's like in my head these days as a Jewish person. I've always been proud of who I am, and I've taught my kids to do the same. But, lately, hearing the increased antisemitic rhetoric that's been in our faces all my life since October 7th, I'm just not sure where I'm safe to show I'm Jewish. I tell myself that no one in that store was thinking anything negative at all, but then I wonder if it matters what they are thinking. The fact that I even wonder or feel less-than is the problem. 

Jews around the world are having discussion after discussion - both with their community members and within themselves - about what is going on in Israel. I'm no rabbi or Jewish scholar, but I am an educated Jew - grew up going to Sunday School from Consecration to Confirmation, attended or worked at Jewish summer camps every.single.summer from preschool through college, had a bat mitzvah, lived at a Jewish sorority house, spent 4 years deeply active in a Jewish youth group in high school, had a foundation of observing traditions and holidays at home with family, spent 6 weeks traveling in Israel, have been to numerous Holocaust museums, heard first-hand stories from family members who survived the ghettos and the camps in Poland, sit on committees at my Temple, and have experienced every life cycle event rooted in Jewish tradition. Yet, I have so many questions about what is going on in Israel, feel deeply confused, and struggle with the internal conflict I'm feeling as an American Jew. I've attended 4 organized discussions about Israel in order to help myself understand, and I still am not sure what to think. 

Some of my questions have been answered, others remain. I'm finding myself so sick of this subject, but I can't look away. I'm not allowed to as a Jew. I have a need (rooted in anxiety) to know as much as I can in order to feel in control, and yet I can't control any of this situation. Therefore, I'm never satisfied. I need to know what to tell my kids. I need to know what they might hear or see. I need to be able to understand "both sides" of this conflict so I can understand what people are talking about - or why they're not talking at all. 

Why ARE they not talking at all? What is it I'm not understanding? What is so hard about condemning terrorism? What is so wrong about publicly stating that what happened in Israel on October 7th is pure evil? Why are people not speaking up for my people? I can't NOT say something, so how is it so easy for some people to stay quiet??

I'm part of a mental health advisory board at my Temple. At the end of our last meeting, we were asked to state one feeling we were having given the current situation in Israel. Here are the words I heard: confused, anger, lonely, unsupported, conflicted, worried, unsafe, mad, panic, hopeless, ignored, shock, helpless, horrified, shattered, fractured. This is how our community is feeling. 

We can't NOT discuss it. Everyone else seems to be able to just go on with their lives, unmoved by the disastrous events taking place where nearly every Jew knows someone who's been affected personally by the events of October 7th and the aftermath. We talk about Zionism - what is it and is it okay to be unsure how we feel about it? We talk about Israeli politics - do we agree with Netanyahu? We talk about how our kids are coping - are they feeling safe at school, at home, in public? We learn about Hamas together. We share things we've heard. We discuss what is meant by various people shouting "ceasefire," "from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free," and "free Palestine." We share our thoughts about keffiyehs and Palestinian flags being worn at school, what constitutes hate speech vs freedom of speech, and what our administrators should be doing to protect our Jewish kids. We evaluate Israel's response and what we think should happen next. We question the "Kidnapped" posters all over our young neighborhood, wondering if that's really the way to spread awareness. 

I've been so very internally torn about how I feel about Israel. I question my connection and wonder why everyone feels so compelled to say that without Israel, Jews can't exist. I never understood when my dear friend would say this to me over and over again. Until yesterday. I had an epiphany while watching, of all things, a Hanukkah YouTube video - a parody of a Taylor Swift song. At the end of the video, there are images of Israeli soldiers hugging, dancing, holding up the Torah, lighting a menorah, or just celebrating together as the lyrics play on screen: "I think about the forces in the dark, extinguishing our light. I give my gratitude to those fighting for what's right. I won't let what is wrong interfere with all my dreams, feeling pride where I belong 'cause I know what it means." Then, the video cuts to the group playing dreidel around a dining room table, joyously celebrating Hanukkah and singing about latkes frying in the oil.  I had chills watching the juxtaposition of these images, and that's when I finally fully understood what my friend has been saying. I thought about those soldiers on the front lines, defending Israel and the Jewish people who live there. They are the first line of defense. They are literally putting their lives on the line so that Israelis can continue to have their celebrations, their traditions, their LIVES. Without them, Jews around the world are at risk. Without the IDF and the support given to them from around the world, Jews in the diaspora would immediately be targeted by terrorist groups in any and every nation. I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for what the IDF is doing - saying FUCK YOU, BACK OFF, and LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE! No one did that in 1939. No one did that when Jews were being hauled off to ghettos or concentration camps. I'm beyond thankful that someone is doing that now.

"Why do they hate us?" That is the question. The question I can't answer. I can give satisfactory answers to why Hitler scapegoated, but going back and back and back and back - throughout the centuries. I just don't have the answers. I don't know what my people ever did to deserve so much hatred, to earn all the holidays that celebrate defeating groups (the Greeks, the Egyptians, the Persians...) who wanted to kill/destroy/enslave us long before Jesus even entered the scene. And I don't know how to explain this to my kids when I don't have the answers. I'm trying to navigate that one of my kids wants to wear his Star of David necklace and another wants him to hide it in his shirt or why one wants to decorate for Hanukkah and the other doesn't want anyone in the neighborhood to know we're Jewish. And I feel both sides of this myself. So there it is - the dichotomy of pride and fear that I felt in that store: gratitude that this store sells Hanukkah items, satisfaction that I found what I needed, but feeling like all eyes were on me (even when they weren't) and not knowing if I'm safe. 

And that's really the main question, isn't it? Am I safe? Is my neighborhood safe? Are my children safe? Am I safe with you as my friend? So many other groups have had to ask themselves these same questions, and we have stood side by side with them telling them that they are safe with us - that we love them for who they are no matter what. We've told them we will stand up for them, stand by their sides, and publicly fight for their right to exist and be free to be themselves in every setting. We've put targets on our houses by showing who we vote for, stating what we believe in, and what we support. But, now, with a mezuzah affixed to my doorway, or a Happy Hanukkah sign in the yard, it feels different. Those same people we supported are not standing with us in our time of need, so we continue to ask "Am I safe?" 

If you're asking yourself if I'm talking about you, just ask yourself if you've done enough - done ANYTHING - to publicly support your Jewish friends, support Israel, condemn terrorism, denounce Hamas, demand innocent Israeli hostages be released... The silence of our non-Jewish friends is another thing we notice - loudly and clearly, so if you aren't sure where you fall, err on the side of taking a moment to share your support, to check on a Jewish friend (not me - I'm already telling you how I feel), to reflect on what more you can do to be a safe person for the Jewish community. A non-Jewish friend of mine took her son to the Holocaust museum and posted about it. That meant SO much to me and my Jewish friends. Another wrote a heartfelt letter and posted it on Facebook. I've gotten texts and calls from friends. It's NOT too late to make a statement, share a post, make a call, send a text. And if anyone wants to talk more about this, I'm here. I may be "talked out," but like I said before, we can't NOT talk about it. We cannot look away.

I Made That

Earlier today, I was taking Tova on a walk. The sky was a beautiful, clear blue. The air was cool and fresh feeling. I had my AirPods in my ears, listening to my playlist, and I turn to my left to see Quinn and 5 friends waving at me pretty excitedly. They were at recess, and those sweet faces in the distance were full of joy to see Tova and me out in the neighborhood walking. They must have been trying to get my attention for a minute or so. I had been trying to find Quinn as Tova and I started our walk, but I didn't see him, so I just kept moving, thinking I'd find him later. When I turned my head a few minutes after, there they were - his little posse of friends, jumping up and down, flailing their gloved hands, cheeks rosy, and heads covered in hoods, hats, or beanies. His friend, Bryson, yelled, "HI, AMBER!" as I took my earbuds out, and as I waved back to the group, Quinn threw up an extended arm the supported an "I love you" sign. I did the same, from the 50 yards or so away. I walked a little bit more, and then I turned again to wave to the still-lingering group. I shook my "I love you" sign again to Quinn, and he did the same. We were all smiles. 

As I turned to continue my walk, it was a moment of pure happiness. And the thought that went through my head was, "I made that!" I started to focus on that feeling, that phrase. "I made that. I MADE that!" When all else is failing, I can look at myself, my life, and I can know that my body, my decisions, my abilities, my outlook... whatever part of it you want to focus on - I MADE that! I created that boy, that moment, that feeling. It wasn't a conceited, narcissistic moment; rather, it was a satisfied, warm, awe-ful (not awful!) peace that I wanted to savor - which is why I came home and immediately started writing about it! I wanted to remember those thoughts that sparked from this joyful moment: "When all is going wrong or when I'm feeling down about myself, I want to remember this moment and the realization that I made that boy. My body made that human and his brothers. My little cherub of a boy, my alabaster-cheeked baby who brings me so much joy. His big brother who makes everything new to me, his younger brother whose tininess still reminds me of how young my kids still are. I made them. I made this family. I made life choices that led me to their dad, choices to become a family - this family, decisions that got us where we are financially, emotionally, relationally, and geographically - so we get to be in this neighborhood and have the ability to live in the house we do. We created opportunities that have taught our kids how to make and keep friends, how to be happy and how to have fun. I helped MAKE that."

Often times when I go on walks, I try to find "awe." Awe in my music and the sounds I'm listening to. Awe in the beauty of nature. Awe in my body's ability to move - even if something is hurting or not as comfortable as I'd like. Awe in my neighbors and their love for their pets or for their children and how they spend time with them outside. Awe in my life and my relationships. It totally shapes my mindset and keeps me so grounded in what really matters. Today's walk was full of awe. 

During these times of turmoil and chaos in the world, I needed this moment of awe. I'm grateful to Quinn and his friends for making that moment so fulfilling. Their laughter, the way they ran back up towards their peers, their frolicing around at recess, it was all just beautiful. And I'm grateful for knowing how to take that moment and turn it into something even more "awe-some" than it already was. I MADE that!

Dear Leslie (12)

 Dear Leslie,

Well, I just put the kids to bed on Halloween, so that can only mean one thing: it's officially been 12 years since we last had you here. We lit a yahrzeit candle for you this morning, and we said Kaddish for you as we started our Halloween day. It just really sucks that you are missing out on all the festivities, the fun, and the growing up going on around us. We're well on our journey to planning Banner's bar mitzvah, and I know how excited you would be about this upcoming simchah. Natalie's wedding is this weekend, and I know how much you would savor the opportunity to be with your family near and far. I know your absence will be felt greatly while at the same time the sense of your presence will be overwhelming. At times like these, it's so bittersweet to think about you - to know that you are with us but not in the way we'd like it.

If you were here, you'd know how successful Sam is, how he's grown his own little business into a growing firm. You'd love how he takes care of his clients and runs his company. But you'd be more impressed with how he dedicates so much of his time to the greater community. He has a hard time saying no, not because he's a push-over or afraid of disappointing others, but because he has a drive to want to lead, to mix and mingle and meet, and mostly to do good things. From ADL to Leadership Plano to Grace to Change to Board of Adjustment to volunteering at the boys' schools, he wants to say yes to all the things. He gets invited to numerous galas and Democratic events, and he wants to go to it all- and take this introvert wife with him! Oy, it's a lot. And you'd probably have your head spinning trying to keep up with his busy schedule or where he is or why he's there or when he'd be able to call you. And you'd wonder how he does it all or accomplishes anything or meets deadlines. And there's times it takes its toll or you can see the stress in his body, but he does it, and he does it with priorities set straight. You'd be so proud, really. You'd be annoyed that he doesn't call you enough. You'd be irritated that you don't see him enough or that you don't understand why he's doing what he's doing. But you'd also be boasting to your friends about all his accomplishments and work ethic. 

Your grandsons are doing all the things: Miles is working and getting promotions; Colby started junior high and is trying to start up his own business making t-shirts; Banner is half-way through middle school and learning how to balance fun, friends, and studying; Quinn is a smarty-pants who is silly and quirky and a great friend; Knox is feisty and loud at home but knows how to control himself at school to be successful and to make good friends. They talk about you often, aren't afraid to ask about you, and can feel your absence. We share memories with them openly: "Bubbie gave Banner that before he was born," "Bubbie used to say that all the time so Daddy says it now,"  "That facial expression is so Bubbie," "Bubbie made the best green bean casserole," "I wish I could make Cream of Wheat for Daddy exactly how Bubbie did," or "Oh my goodness, I remember this one time when Bubbie. . ." 

And you're not here to see the craziness going on in our world right now: Israel at war with Hamas, the anti-semitism that is ramping up, the mass shootings that happen daily in America, the constant attack on books, on teachers, on public schools in Texas, corrupt politicians getting away with crimes or being brought to court again and again, the political divisiveness, women's rights to bodily autonomy being taken away... the list goes on and on. Sometimes I wonder where you'd fall on these issues or if you and Richard would argue about some of these topics. 

Well, I better get to sleep. These boys keep me busy and tired! As we head into Natalie's wedding weekend, it's appropriate to remember my promise to you - to try to make everyday a beautiful day for your boys. I promise to take you with us. I promise to share you with the boys to keep your memory alive and well. I promise you'll very much be with us in celebration this weekend, and as we inch closer to Banner's big weekend in June - right after your birthday. Your message to Sam on his bar mitzvah day is copied into Banner's prayer book, so you will (nearly literally) be in his hands and on the bimah with him. You were supposed to be there, and you will be.

Missing you,

Amber