Un-MASKING-believable!

Dear Banner, Quinn, and Knox,

I love you. I love you so much that I went and did something totally out of my comfort zone yesterday. I went and spoke at the school board meeting to voice my comments publicly about how important it is that the board require masks for all students and staff during this dangerous time of the COVID pandemic when a specific variant (delta) is surging. I was hoping Daddy would go and speak to follow up on the letter he wrote the school board last week. We all know he's the one who loves a good crowd to speak to. But, when his schedule wouldn't allow for him to attend an early Monday morning emergency board meeting, it took me no time to decide I'd do it instead. Usually, public commenters get three minutes to speak slowly and elaborately about their topic. But, with 90 commenters signed up an hour before the meeting started, we were limited to 1 minute. I knew this would be the case, so I planned my speech to be fast and furious. Y'all heard me many times Saturday and Sunday trying to whittle down my lengthy speech to only 60 seconds. Trying to decide what WASN'T important was super difficult. It's all important, and apparently necessary for people who are so ill-informed and selfish. 

I made myself take each step one at at time without getting too far ahead in my head. First wake up early (5:30 to be exact). Then, get ready. Then, get in the car and get there on time. Next, park and walk in. Fill out a public comment card. Wait. And, this is when things got tricky. The room began to fill with many unmasked grown-ups (and a couple handfuls of kids and babies). These people carried signs and posters that went against everything I understand, everything I believe, when it comes to COVID-19 spread and wearing masks. These people were mean and abusive to others. They yelled and confronted. One man sat behind me - a heavyset guy just heaving and hacking loudly. He made me so uncomfortable I moved away from him. Another unmasked man was quite disrespectful to the masked man next to me. "You have a gap in your mask. Air is getting in!" trying to rile him up. I wanted to tell the masked man with a hearing impairment to ignore the guy, that his words were meant to shame and upset him. I wanted to turn to the unmasked bully and say, "Well, at least his mask is better than yours!" But, I decided to stay out of that one. 

Even writing this to you boys makes my heart pound and adrenaline rush. I am just so angry at how this meeting was so hostile and toxic. Yet, I sat quietly while my anxiety increased and frustration grew. I sat and texted my friends, posted on FaceBook, sent photos to Daddy. But, when I heard a group of anti-masking ladies laugh saying that kids shouldn't be wearing masks and teachers can't teach in masks, I quickly leaned forward and rebutted, "Yes, they can. We've done it for a year, and it's not a problem." The ladies turned around, and I told them the teachers in my school have done an excellent job and it can totally be done. One curly-haired blonde woman said, "Well, kids can't hear the teachers in a mask. I'm a nurse, and my patients can't hear me!" I said, "Oh, it's really simple. They wear wireless microphones, they can even take them through the hallways and speak quietly but loudly enough for all kids to hear." She laughed, and said, "Right. I'm not using a microphone," in the most condescending tone. So, I said, "Well, I'm wearing a mask, and you can hear me just fine without a microphone. I'm not sure what the problem is." Then, a woman with long brown hair sitting next to her said, "I really admire what you do in the schools, but I'm not going to send my child to school in a mask," to which I replied, "Then don't. You have the option to homeschool or virtual school." She laughed and said, "No way. I did that last year, and my kids are NOT missing 8th and 4th grade." I said, "Well, mine aren't either." She said, "I know you feel passionately about your kids wearing a mask to school. I'm not against that. You have that choice. I feel just as passionately about my kids NOT wearing one." I appreciated her sincerity, but I was not letting up. "Then, perhaps we need to find a way to have all kids who want to mask in one class and all the kids who don't want to mask in another, because if your kids don't wear a mask, my kids are at risk." She said she agreed with that. The curly-haired nurse chimed in, "We have enough campuses to make certain schools mask schools and certain schools unmasked schools. Maybe that could work." I said, "Well, I'm glad we found something we agree on." They turned around, and a few minutes later, a woman wearing a mask sitting next to these ladies slowly reached back toward me from that front row and gave me a fist bump. We smiled. And yes, we could tell the other was smiling even with masks on. 

The long wait for the meeting to start and then a second long wait once the board recessed for a closed session was brutal. I couldn't help but wonder if I was putting myself in danger, in a Petri dish of COVID-infected people who never wear masks, shedding virus all over. But, I kept my N95 tight around my face and hoped it was doing its job. I couldn't help but think of you, my babies going to school each day, and especially Gan Izzy this summer, when the closest people around you don't wear a mask or respect the dangers of the virus. Yes, I believe and hope you will be just fine if you get COVID, but why do we need to tempt it? Why not put in place mitigating measures that can stop the spread to you and others? I felt anxious thinking I could get sick, and I really wanted to stop that feeling for you, my nephews, my nieces, their parents and grandparents, and my students. To even see people not wearing a mask in a crowded space (like a classroom) makes me so upset and judgmental, and I don't want you to feel that way. If everyone wears a mask, there's no judgment, shame, or blame. There's no division or groupings based on face coverings.

The long wait also brought conversations I could overhear and more signs for me to roll my eyes at. I wanted so badly to add to my speech, but I was cutting it so close to the 60 seconds already, I knew I shouldn't mess with it. But this caused me so much anxiety, because, damnit, if I was going to speak, I wanted to say EVERYTHING and use my time to affect change. But how do you do that with only one minute when there is so much misinformation and illogical arguments to dispel? 

Well, the meeting finally continued, and I spoke loud, clear, and fast. I was booed and yelled at while speaking, and when I went to the foyer after my turn to speak (as was procedure), I was booed by more people and given thumbs down. This actually made me encouraged. I had said JUST the things that made those people upset. And, now that it's over, there's still so much I wish I could have said! But, I'm also really proud of myself for taking some kind of action to make my voice heard. I would want you to do the same thing. Even when it's not the loudest voice, your voice matters. 

That's the thing. The people who showed up to this meeting were loud and angry. I wanted to show just the same amount of loud and angry. But, not enough of the people who agree with me showed up, and not enough of those voices are loud and angry. I want others to be loud and angry with me - because during a time of increasingly dangerous numbers of COVID which is affecting young people more and more, we cannot compromise on this. It is selfish and misguided to not listen to the physicians, scientists, and public health officials who are recommending, advising, pleading with us as a community to take precautions by wearing masks. As Uncle Brock said to me last night, "What's the point of having doctors if we don't even listen to them?" Some signs said, "I don't co-parent with strangers," trying to get the board to stay out of parental decisions when they believe they have "parental sovereignty." Yet, there is no parental sovereignty when those decisions affect others. And those same people co-parent all the time - with their child's doctors, teachers, pastors, community leaders who make decisions with or for parents all the time. Another weak argument I heard was that particles of COVID are smaller than the small holes in masks and could get through the mask. So, we should just give up on trying to keep them out?? It's like saying condoms are 99% effective, so just don't use one. Um, what? No. Boys, use a condom, even if it's "only" 99% effective. I do believe this lady unintentionally proved why we should use N95 masks more than any other mask, but what do I know?

Here's another weak argument: "Kids don't get that sick from COVID. Most often they do just fine with it." So, we should tempt that? It made me wonder if you ask these parents how they'd feel if THEIR child were one of the thousand who died. It doesn't matter until it affects them, and that is plain selfish. In the meantime, the virus strengthens, becoming more dangerous and spreading more easily.  Another lady went off about Nancy Pelosi for reasons I couldn't follow. One man talked about how his students get acne or get anxious about masks. And one lady spoke about how masks decrease oxygen, increase carbon dioxide, can actually cause sickness, and can impact intelligence. I wonder what she thinks about doctors who wear masks daily for lengthy surgeries. Are they dumber or less healthy? And, if so, perhaps doctors should have a choice to wear a mask at your next surgery. Oh, and one unmasked woman, while in line, was talking about how the pediatric ICU beds are at capacity because of RSV, not COVID. I was really struggling trying to understand why it matters. If a mask can help with THAT TOO, then why not wear one? 

The "science" presented was old and not representative of how the delta variant has made things much more dire for kids and families. The many (mainly white men) angry older people there don't even have kids (especially young kids) attending your school district. The theme of "choice" when their decisions affect others was so entitled and selfish. So many things were just so upsetting about this meeting. But the worst was the lack of both leadership and decisiveness we all got to witness when the board came back after yet another closed session. They determined that masks would be required (yay!), but any parent can opt out of them for any reason - no questions asked (wait, what?!). So, to quote Banner, "Then what's the point!?" My super smart kiddo, there isn't one. What good are rules and requirements if certain members of the community opt out of following them? You can't opt out of the attendance rules, dress code requirements, guns and weapons laws, and so many other globally accepted policies. Why should this be any different when the health and safety of the community is on the line? 

Daddy considers this a win. Well, I disagree. It's a hard no for me. Normally, I'd agree that if both parties, both sides leave an argument feeling that they got what they wanted then that's a good decision, a successful compromise. But, nope. Not on this one. You don't get to "opt out" of protecting the safety of others when your actions directly affect them. You don't get to selfishly declare that you have some reason you are better or more important than others, that what you WANT is more important than what the community NEEDS. 

To the health care workers who are bombarded with cases right now, I'm so sorry we didn't do better for you. To the teachers and school staff who shouldn't have to be in a building full of people who don't care about you or the people you go home to, I'm sorry. To the students who are trying to learn in a safe space and feel that everyone in your class cares whether or not you get sick, I'm sorry. To you, my boys, I will always be a voice that speaks on your behalf. I'm sorry this school district failed you and your classmates. Keep wearing your mask and be proud of how you take your health, safety, and that of others seriously. 

I'm sincerely hoping our district wakes the hell up and changes this opt out option. In the meantime, I'm having a really fun time coming up with allllll the things we can opt out of. 

I love you all with all my heart!
Mommy

The Shabbat of the Year

The word "Shabbat" is a Hebrew word related to the verb "cease, rest." It's the 7th day of the Jewish week and is a day of rest. I could get really scholarly and tell you more about Shabbat - like being related to two commandments - to observe and to remember - or being both the best known yet least understood Jewish holiday. But for today's post, I won't go into all that. I just want to dive into why each summer at the camp I went to as a kid, Greene Family Camp, is known as the Shabbat of the Year. I've written about camp before, and my own feelings about this home away from home. But, I've never written about it as the parent of kids who get to go. Because today Banner came home from camp and is full of stories about his adventures and new memories, I feel compelled to capture the stories here for Banner and for Quinn. Let me tell a little about their Shabbat of the Year, and then I'll return to this analogy.

For Quinn, this summer was his first time to experience camp without us with him. For years, we've attended Family Retreats, even when Knox was 18 months old and sleeping in a pack-n-play. Only during the last family event we attended (February 2020) had Quinn slept in a bunk away from us, and on the first night, he cried and had to have a staff member help him get to sleep (by making him laugh while singing "Fudgy the Whale"). When it came time to decide if Quinn would be attending, I was reluctant. Because COVID shut camp down for over a year, there hadn't been any fall or spring camp experiences for him, nor had there been the family experiences we normally would have attended. But, I went ahead and asked Quinn if he wanted to go to camp. Without pause, Quinn immediately said, "YES!" When I said, "Okay, but I don't think little Levi or Luca are going. I don't know anyone else your age going," he replied, "That's okay. I'll make friends." And I knew he was ready. As the summer approached, I was nervous for Quinn to go because after so many months locked down at home and learning virtually, he had spent very little time away from the house or from us. But, we prepared as best we could - having sleepovers with cousins in the early summer, returning to school for the final 9 weeks of the year, and talking about how to handle homesick feelings. Each night at dinner the week before camp, we also talked about the "What ifs" to prepare for what to do when we weren't there to solve all the problems: What if you lose something? What if you can't poop? What if you want to sleep but someone else is being loud? What if someone is bullying you? What if your butt itches? What if you're mad at someone? What if someone touches you inappropriately? And so on...

So, for 10 days, I wondered how Quinn was doing. 10 days can be a long time to not know. Our letters from Quinn were about being upset or angry (he couldn't find his water bottles and thought someone stole them on the first day of camp... he later found them on the last day!) or about missing us and crying (he only cried on the first night, but wrote about it 4 days later and we didn't get that letter until day 8). I was so worried he was having a horrible time. But, when I picked him up on day 10, he said he had so much fun and wished he had 5 more days to stay! His voice was entirely hoarse (he has vocal nodules, and I knew to expect this) and he was congested, and he gave me the best squeeze!! He told me about his amazing counselors (Eden, Mason, Seth, and Gal). He told me about three new friends he made (Myles, Greyson, and Asher) and where they live (all out of town). He told me about the new foods he likes (grilled cheese, jelly, beef stew, and peaches). He told me about his favorite thing (zip line), learning to do a flip off the diving board, when he cried (only the first night), how loud everyone always was, and that his tongue bled when he ate too many sour Skittles. He told me about the kid who passed out from sniffing the Havdalah spices too many times. (?) He told me about some of the naughty kids in the bunk who never listened to the counselors and the kids who used bad language - including Banner (he said the "a-word," and when Quinn told him, "You're not allowed to say that," Banner replied, "Mom's not here, Quinn. We're at camp, so we can say whatever we want.") He told me how they had to be asleep ("not just in bed, Mom, but asleep!") by 7:25. When Quinn got home, we went through his things, and I realized how much he needed me to be there to set him up with all his belongings (parents weren't allowed to due to new COVID protocols). He never found his masks (the 60 required masks that were to be sent to cover 6 mask changes a day), so he borrowed every day. He never found the letter I had written to him and put in his bag for the first day. He didn't know he had extra batteries for his flashlight (yes he did, I showed him!). He didn't know he was supposed to unpack his shower caddy so that the only things in there were what he needed for the shower (yes, he did... I told him!). He didn't know his fan clipped on to his bed (yes he did, I showed him!). He didn't know he had a laundry bag for his dirty clothes (yes he did... I showed him!!). Yet somehow, he survived and thrived and wants to go back!

For Banner, this was his first long summer. He'd gone to camp for the 10 days like Quinn before, but he'd never been for 3.5 weeks, nor had he been during a COVID year. The letters and pictures of Banner all indicated he was having a great time. However, the most recent photos we got last night had us worried he was very sad. He had a sad look and was all alone, so I worried maybe saying goodbye was getting to him. When he got off the bus today, he looked like maybe he's grown a bit, had a raspy, hoarse voice, and was all smiles! It was so good to get my arms around him and hear all about his time the whole way home. I was worried he'd be annoyed that Quinn had to come with us to pick him up (because Quinn was sick and would have otherwise been at day camp). Instead, Quinn playfully peeked through the back seat window in the car with a funny expression, and Banner immediately laughed. It was so good to hear them talk about camp in the back seat all the way home. 

We learned that Banner lost two teeth while gone, and there's a camp tooth fairy! We learned about his two (maybe three?) "Shabbat-y Hotties" (oy vey!). Banner likes tomato soup now - especially with crackers and grilled cheese. He also likes tea - but not just any tea; it has to be Saba Ron's tea! He told us about the RAID they did (telling us that RAID = Random Activities In Darkness) when they stole the camp director's husband's birthday cookie cake off of his front porch. We heard about the lake activities, the ropes course and climbing the Alpine Tower, and being asked to participate in the All Camp Variety Show. The lonely pictures we had seen last night were actually him being homesick, he said. I thought perhaps the magic tricks he did during the Variety Show didn't go well and he was upset, but that was not the case. He told us he learned new card tricks, and they did go well. He told us about Macabbiah and how his team (Yarok - the Green Team) won. He said that's why his voice is still hoarse (although that was almost 2 weeks ago) from all the screaming and cheering. We learned he got dehydrated one day and fainted while in the gym (after being at the Ropes Course). We also learned he was the bottom bunk but never changed his sheets. He lost the charging cord to his (well, MY old) digital camera and the top blanket to his bed. He wears deodorant now; when I asked if he needed it, he said, "I don't know, I always used it so I wouldn't have to find out if I needed it." We've learned that the whole bunk would "twerk" in the cabin, and Banner has been going around "twerking" after dinner tonight. (Insert palm-to-face emoji)  

Tonight, Banner told me his "sweet" was coming home, his "sour" was coming home, and his "service" was coming home. :) He said he missed us so much and he's really glad to be back. I'm really glad he's home, too. We're all back together again - all 5 of us under one roof - which I am forever grateful for. I'm beyond thankful that my kiddos went to to a camp where everyone was safe, where COVID protocols were in place so that the whole community tested negative and continued to test negative throughout the weeks they were there, where they could let loose and be themselves, where they know there are so many people they can go to for anything they need. 

As a parent of campers, we, too, got our Shabbat of the Year. We got a change of pace, a different vibe around the house. We got individual time with each of our boys. For 10 days, Knox got to be an only child. When Quinn got home, he got to be the big brother without an older one. He got time with just me while Knox was at day camp, and he got special time with just Knox. When Banner got home, he was the center of attention, where we wanted to hear everything and let him choose dinner; and for the next few days while his brothers are at day camp, he will have some special time with just me and Sam. Banner has been all smiles all night, the sweetest to his brothers, and so well-mannered. His brothers have been especially attentive to him and wanting to hear everything he has to say. I know this won't last forever, but I'm savoring the freshness he feels for his family and his home. We've all had a long break away from the mundane routine of every day. It was a rest for all of us, something special to take with us into the upcoming school year which starts a week from tomorrow! Life is challenging, hectic, and fast. It's been so nice to mix it up a little bit, get some time away from ordinary and from each other to remember how important, special, and amazing each member of this family is. It was a chance for all of us to disconnect in order to reconnect. Camp IS the Shabbat of the Year on so many levels. It's the reminder to slow down, embrace those we love, take time for ourselves, and rejuvenate. My boys have told me we should be more observant of Shabbat, and Quinn and Knox have both told me we should be making challah each Friday. They're right. It's important - to stop, to reflect, to observe, to remember, and to rest. While we will do that each week and bring these feelings along, the highlight will always be the Shabbat of the Year... and we already can't wait for next summer!