Un-MASKING-believable!

Dear Banner, Quinn, and Knox,

I love you. I love you so much that I went and did something totally out of my comfort zone yesterday. I went and spoke at the school board meeting to voice my comments publicly about how important it is that the board require masks for all students and staff during this dangerous time of the COVID pandemic when a specific variant (delta) is surging. I was hoping Daddy would go and speak to follow up on the letter he wrote the school board last week. We all know he's the one who loves a good crowd to speak to. But, when his schedule wouldn't allow for him to attend an early Monday morning emergency board meeting, it took me no time to decide I'd do it instead. Usually, public commenters get three minutes to speak slowly and elaborately about their topic. But, with 90 commenters signed up an hour before the meeting started, we were limited to 1 minute. I knew this would be the case, so I planned my speech to be fast and furious. Y'all heard me many times Saturday and Sunday trying to whittle down my lengthy speech to only 60 seconds. Trying to decide what WASN'T important was super difficult. It's all important, and apparently necessary for people who are so ill-informed and selfish. 

I made myself take each step one at at time without getting too far ahead in my head. First wake up early (5:30 to be exact). Then, get ready. Then, get in the car and get there on time. Next, park and walk in. Fill out a public comment card. Wait. And, this is when things got tricky. The room began to fill with many unmasked grown-ups (and a couple handfuls of kids and babies). These people carried signs and posters that went against everything I understand, everything I believe, when it comes to COVID-19 spread and wearing masks. These people were mean and abusive to others. They yelled and confronted. One man sat behind me - a heavyset guy just heaving and hacking loudly. He made me so uncomfortable I moved away from him. Another unmasked man was quite disrespectful to the masked man next to me. "You have a gap in your mask. Air is getting in!" trying to rile him up. I wanted to tell the masked man with a hearing impairment to ignore the guy, that his words were meant to shame and upset him. I wanted to turn to the unmasked bully and say, "Well, at least his mask is better than yours!" But, I decided to stay out of that one. 

Even writing this to you boys makes my heart pound and adrenaline rush. I am just so angry at how this meeting was so hostile and toxic. Yet, I sat quietly while my anxiety increased and frustration grew. I sat and texted my friends, posted on FaceBook, sent photos to Daddy. But, when I heard a group of anti-masking ladies laugh saying that kids shouldn't be wearing masks and teachers can't teach in masks, I quickly leaned forward and rebutted, "Yes, they can. We've done it for a year, and it's not a problem." The ladies turned around, and I told them the teachers in my school have done an excellent job and it can totally be done. One curly-haired blonde woman said, "Well, kids can't hear the teachers in a mask. I'm a nurse, and my patients can't hear me!" I said, "Oh, it's really simple. They wear wireless microphones, they can even take them through the hallways and speak quietly but loudly enough for all kids to hear." She laughed, and said, "Right. I'm not using a microphone," in the most condescending tone. So, I said, "Well, I'm wearing a mask, and you can hear me just fine without a microphone. I'm not sure what the problem is." Then, a woman with long brown hair sitting next to her said, "I really admire what you do in the schools, but I'm not going to send my child to school in a mask," to which I replied, "Then don't. You have the option to homeschool or virtual school." She laughed and said, "No way. I did that last year, and my kids are NOT missing 8th and 4th grade." I said, "Well, mine aren't either." She said, "I know you feel passionately about your kids wearing a mask to school. I'm not against that. You have that choice. I feel just as passionately about my kids NOT wearing one." I appreciated her sincerity, but I was not letting up. "Then, perhaps we need to find a way to have all kids who want to mask in one class and all the kids who don't want to mask in another, because if your kids don't wear a mask, my kids are at risk." She said she agreed with that. The curly-haired nurse chimed in, "We have enough campuses to make certain schools mask schools and certain schools unmasked schools. Maybe that could work." I said, "Well, I'm glad we found something we agree on." They turned around, and a few minutes later, a woman wearing a mask sitting next to these ladies slowly reached back toward me from that front row and gave me a fist bump. We smiled. And yes, we could tell the other was smiling even with masks on. 

The long wait for the meeting to start and then a second long wait once the board recessed for a closed session was brutal. I couldn't help but wonder if I was putting myself in danger, in a Petri dish of COVID-infected people who never wear masks, shedding virus all over. But, I kept my N95 tight around my face and hoped it was doing its job. I couldn't help but think of you, my babies going to school each day, and especially Gan Izzy this summer, when the closest people around you don't wear a mask or respect the dangers of the virus. Yes, I believe and hope you will be just fine if you get COVID, but why do we need to tempt it? Why not put in place mitigating measures that can stop the spread to you and others? I felt anxious thinking I could get sick, and I really wanted to stop that feeling for you, my nephews, my nieces, their parents and grandparents, and my students. To even see people not wearing a mask in a crowded space (like a classroom) makes me so upset and judgmental, and I don't want you to feel that way. If everyone wears a mask, there's no judgment, shame, or blame. There's no division or groupings based on face coverings.

The long wait also brought conversations I could overhear and more signs for me to roll my eyes at. I wanted so badly to add to my speech, but I was cutting it so close to the 60 seconds already, I knew I shouldn't mess with it. But this caused me so much anxiety, because, damnit, if I was going to speak, I wanted to say EVERYTHING and use my time to affect change. But how do you do that with only one minute when there is so much misinformation and illogical arguments to dispel? 

Well, the meeting finally continued, and I spoke loud, clear, and fast. I was booed and yelled at while speaking, and when I went to the foyer after my turn to speak (as was procedure), I was booed by more people and given thumbs down. This actually made me encouraged. I had said JUST the things that made those people upset. And, now that it's over, there's still so much I wish I could have said! But, I'm also really proud of myself for taking some kind of action to make my voice heard. I would want you to do the same thing. Even when it's not the loudest voice, your voice matters. 

That's the thing. The people who showed up to this meeting were loud and angry. I wanted to show just the same amount of loud and angry. But, not enough of the people who agree with me showed up, and not enough of those voices are loud and angry. I want others to be loud and angry with me - because during a time of increasingly dangerous numbers of COVID which is affecting young people more and more, we cannot compromise on this. It is selfish and misguided to not listen to the physicians, scientists, and public health officials who are recommending, advising, pleading with us as a community to take precautions by wearing masks. As Uncle Brock said to me last night, "What's the point of having doctors if we don't even listen to them?" Some signs said, "I don't co-parent with strangers," trying to get the board to stay out of parental decisions when they believe they have "parental sovereignty." Yet, there is no parental sovereignty when those decisions affect others. And those same people co-parent all the time - with their child's doctors, teachers, pastors, community leaders who make decisions with or for parents all the time. Another weak argument I heard was that particles of COVID are smaller than the small holes in masks and could get through the mask. So, we should just give up on trying to keep them out?? It's like saying condoms are 99% effective, so just don't use one. Um, what? No. Boys, use a condom, even if it's "only" 99% effective. I do believe this lady unintentionally proved why we should use N95 masks more than any other mask, but what do I know?

Here's another weak argument: "Kids don't get that sick from COVID. Most often they do just fine with it." So, we should tempt that? It made me wonder if you ask these parents how they'd feel if THEIR child were one of the thousand who died. It doesn't matter until it affects them, and that is plain selfish. In the meantime, the virus strengthens, becoming more dangerous and spreading more easily.  Another lady went off about Nancy Pelosi for reasons I couldn't follow. One man talked about how his students get acne or get anxious about masks. And one lady spoke about how masks decrease oxygen, increase carbon dioxide, can actually cause sickness, and can impact intelligence. I wonder what she thinks about doctors who wear masks daily for lengthy surgeries. Are they dumber or less healthy? And, if so, perhaps doctors should have a choice to wear a mask at your next surgery. Oh, and one unmasked woman, while in line, was talking about how the pediatric ICU beds are at capacity because of RSV, not COVID. I was really struggling trying to understand why it matters. If a mask can help with THAT TOO, then why not wear one? 

The "science" presented was old and not representative of how the delta variant has made things much more dire for kids and families. The many (mainly white men) angry older people there don't even have kids (especially young kids) attending your school district. The theme of "choice" when their decisions affect others was so entitled and selfish. So many things were just so upsetting about this meeting. But the worst was the lack of both leadership and decisiveness we all got to witness when the board came back after yet another closed session. They determined that masks would be required (yay!), but any parent can opt out of them for any reason - no questions asked (wait, what?!). So, to quote Banner, "Then what's the point!?" My super smart kiddo, there isn't one. What good are rules and requirements if certain members of the community opt out of following them? You can't opt out of the attendance rules, dress code requirements, guns and weapons laws, and so many other globally accepted policies. Why should this be any different when the health and safety of the community is on the line? 

Daddy considers this a win. Well, I disagree. It's a hard no for me. Normally, I'd agree that if both parties, both sides leave an argument feeling that they got what they wanted then that's a good decision, a successful compromise. But, nope. Not on this one. You don't get to "opt out" of protecting the safety of others when your actions directly affect them. You don't get to selfishly declare that you have some reason you are better or more important than others, that what you WANT is more important than what the community NEEDS. 

To the health care workers who are bombarded with cases right now, I'm so sorry we didn't do better for you. To the teachers and school staff who shouldn't have to be in a building full of people who don't care about you or the people you go home to, I'm sorry. To the students who are trying to learn in a safe space and feel that everyone in your class cares whether or not you get sick, I'm sorry. To you, my boys, I will always be a voice that speaks on your behalf. I'm sorry this school district failed you and your classmates. Keep wearing your mask and be proud of how you take your health, safety, and that of others seriously. 

I'm sincerely hoping our district wakes the hell up and changes this opt out option. In the meantime, I'm having a really fun time coming up with allllll the things we can opt out of. 

I love you all with all my heart!
Mommy