Snow Days

On Monday and Tuesday, February 23rd and 24th, school was cancelled due to snow and ice making roads hazardous. Lucky for us, we got an extended weekend to enjoy each other and the snow. I have to say, while so many other parents can't stand snow days, I love them! I love the snow, and I think the little kid in me - and perhaps the former teacher - gets a little giddy about cancelled school. Yes, it's difficult to entertain the kids all day long when Daddy still has to go to work, but I really enjoy not having to be anywhere or on any kind of schedule. Those two days were busy around here with activities to help our time fly by while enjoying each other. Thanks to ideas from Grandma, we structured our day with various "studies":

Jewish studies - Purim masks and graggers

Mitzvah work

"recess"

"feeding" our senses - Quinn couldn't stop eating the snow

Fort building followed by some brotherly bonding

Math

PE

Culinary arts - pancake puffs

More math

Arts & Crafts

Grilled cheese puffs for lunch

On Friday, February 27th, we were all at work and school, and throughout the day, snow got heavier and heavier. When we finally all got home, around 4:30-5:00, this is what we got to play in! Daddy came home shortly after us to join in the fun!

This happened during school hours while I was working. Here's the school playground-  covered!

 

Banner in the snow

Quinn eating the snow again

More snow eating

Still more snow eating

Sand toys became snow toys

Yes, still eating more snow

My favorite picture!

At night, we caught these baby bunnies huddling together - Mama Bunny was in a different part of the yard.

March 5th:

Just when we thought all the snow was gone until next winter, we got a LOT of it overnight! Mother Nature gave us one more day of winter fun! When Daddy came home from work on March 4th, it had been raining all day but no ice. 30 minutes later, after we ate dinner, the ground was covered in sleet and ice. We thought school might be cancelled, but we had no idea just how much snow we would wake up to! This is what we saw when we opened the front door, and we decided to play in it before Daddy went to work! We also had snow ice cream for breakfast!

We made snow ice cream for breakfast!

Love fresh footprints in the untouched snow

My Snow Angel

Snow completely covered our shoes - and most of his pajamas!

Running all over the place

Daddy's attempt at a snowman. We don't see snow much. He made a big boob, basically. Maybe this wasn't on accident after all.

Banner snuck over to the bushes and grabbed a little taste of snow. Here he is giggling about it.

Trying to make a snowball

Daddy "made it snow."

Snowball fight

Banner accurately saw this big patch of ice and said, "That's black ice, Daddy." It completely covered our sprinkler box, and when Daddy pressed on it with his toe, it cracked. Luckily, the boys stayed off of it.

Going to check the mail

Eating snow fresh off the ground!

"Mommy, I'm gonna get YOU!"

I think he'd had enough! Poor, cold toddler.

Getting hugs from mommy makes it all better. Love these lashes.

More Angel Baby

Tears at Night

Dear Banner,
Tonight, I have a confession to make. I cried in your bed. I used to cry nearly nightly when you were an infant. I would tear up, and sometimes sob, just holding you or watching you sleep. I knew those days were flying by so fast, and I knew I wanted to remember my Angel Baby so tiny and sweet. I knew I'd miss those days, and listening to your sweet lullabies each night just did me in. I would come out of your room so many nights with flowing tears streaming down my cheeks, my nose would run, and I'd even have to apologize to Daddy for what a blubbering mess I could be as I tried to tell him why I was crying that particular evening. It could be for any reason: it was the last night I would see you as a 7-month-old, you hugged me for the first time, you gave up your bottles, I was going back to work, you were learning new words, you were going to be a big brother, you smelled delicious and I couldn't eat you... ha! Just kidding.... but seriously, any given reason, or for no reason at all, I would just tear up at simply loving you so very much!

As the many months and now even years(!) started to pass with more and more going on, and quite honestly without your lullabies helping bring out that emotion even more powerfully, I just stopped crying. There were nights when you fought us on going to bed, nights you wanted us to wait outside your bedroom door while you fell asleep, nights you drove us nuts with your constant requests. So, bedtime became more of a frustration than an emotional connection. Although, once you drifted off, and I could still hear those sweet tunes in your room, I would melt down a little at just how much you have my heart. Then, once you dropped your nap and would drift off mid-story, you learned to need us in your bed to fall asleep. We didn't break this cycle when you still stayed awake through stories because, quite honestly, Quinn was going to bed at the same time as you, and we didn't want your cries and outbursts to keep him awake or wake him up. So, one big bad habit later, and Daddy and I still stay in your bed as you drift off.

As much as I hate that you don't put yourself to sleep all on your own, I adore this time with you. My absolute favorite is still watching you fall asleep (even through squinted eyes so you think I'm asleep). Your eyes get heavy, you fight it, looking blankly as if trying to decide what you're going to dream about each night. Then, finally, a soft peace comes over you as you relax into your sleep. Some nights I just tear up. Some nights, I am just fine. But, tonight, I cried.

There are many reasons I could give you: you kept kissing my hand over and over again; our thoughtful discussion about smoke and chimneys and fireplaces and why firefighters wear masks or how Mr. Abo provided "eye masks" (your words) to protect your eyes from sand in science class and how you want two masks - one for your mouth/nose and one for your eyes because "Isn't that a great idea, Mommy?"; how you told me that Bubbie used to rub lotion on Daddy to help him relax when he was little just like Mommy did you tonight; how you told me you loved me so much, too; how you're so excited Mommy's not working tomorrow so you can help me work on my farm (Hay Day game on the iPad) after "turtle time" (rest time) because "I think that's a good deal, right, Mommy?"; or maybe because I am simply amazed at your fascinating vocabulary and complex ideas. Any number of reasons could have set me off, but you know what it was?

It was that face. It was that face and how I can't capture it in anything other than my memory. I stared at you once you were asleep, just trying to memorize every single aspect of it - knowing full well that 20 years from now I would want to still see that 3-year-old face in front of me just like that but I won't be able to. Of course I'll want to see your 23-year-old face, but never again will you be 3-years-old wanting your Mommy to cuddle you like that, and no matter how hard I try to memorize you, I know I'll forget some things. I desperately wanted to go grab my camera - but the flash would change your face as I saw it, or it would make you crinkle your nose or eyes as you startled from the sound or the light, or I couldn't get as close to you with a camera as my own face was without a blurry image. I desperately wanted to be able to draw like Uncle Erick does, so I could go in the other room and sketch you exactly as you were tonight. But, I know I can't. I even thought about telling him my memories and having him create artwork for me... but no description could ever capture you exactly right, and perhaps the whole image would be lost in translation.

And, that's why I cried... that's why I cry. I want to remember those big, beautiful, blue eyes that look brown in the darkness of your room. I want to remember how they look as you try to wipe your mind of anything and everything, yet as they stare past me with deep thought about anything and everything. I want to memorize how those little eyelids fall slowly and then for longer periods of time before opening again only for a few seconds before eventually staying closed. The way your left hand cradles your left cheek and snuggles against the pillow. The way your pinky finger lays nearly perfectly at your nostril and your ring finger practically covers your left eye. Your long, dark eyelashes and your soft, gentle eyebrows. The contour of your right cheek illuminated by the glow of the little sheep nightlight and how your chin looks more and more defined. The smallness of your shoulder and the innocence of your Batman pajamas that drape it. The wrinkles on the outside of your right hand as it curls up into mine. How warm and cozy you are under your blue and white striped comforter. The way your hair looks so cool and slightly spiky at your forehead - making you look almost too grown up - as it begins to dry from your evening bath. The smell of your clean sheets mixed with the scent of your shampoo. The whirr of your noise machine, and how the darkness of the room makes everything slightly blurred. It's knowing that with each passing day, you are growing and changing, and time marches on while I'm desperate to capture this face at this point in time and no real way of doing so. I have to rely on my memory, and I know it will fail me when I try to recall you at this very age later on. Because, truth be told, I can't recall the exact way you looked at 2-years versus 1-year old. And even the images I have of you in my memory of when you were a baby, it's just not the same as capturing the real-life moment.

So forgive me that I cried in your bed after you fell asleep. It's like I told you at dinner tonight: sometimes people cry when they are very, very happy. You make me so very, very happy, Angel Baby. And, for that, I will never apologize!

I love you more than you could ever possibly know!
Love,
Mommy

Levi Emmett

A year ago today, my littlest nephew was born. I never wrote about his birth or his entrance into the world, but I remember wanting to every day. At the time, I just wanted to be in the moment with my sister, to spend time with her at the hospital, and to do what I could to keep my kids out of my mom's way so Grandma could help the new parents and bond with her new grandson. I remember being overwhelmed at that time because Quinn, at 5 months old, was still very much a handful and so was my 2 and a half year old Banner. I was a substitute teacher who used my time at my former place of employment to get away and "have a day off!" When those days were gone, I guess I collapsed a little - or at last keeping up with my blog did!

But, the joy of a new baby in the family was amazing! I was ecstatic to have another nephew, that Quinn would have another cousin so close in age, that my sister would get to experience motherhood with me - yet another thing we could share together. So, I want to write about my sweet nephew on this day, his birthday - better a year late than never!

I remember his birthday - well, my point-of-view - clearly.  It was about 5:30am. My boys were still asleep. When I saw my cell phone light up with Mom's name on it, I knew it was "go" time. Mom's voice was excited, and I could tell she was in a hurry to get to the hospital. She told me what had happened so far - the sudden labor Kira went into, the water breaking, walking the hallway at her house, not knowing if she should call someone or not, packing her things while having major labor pains, the way Mom could hear Kira in the background of Erick's phone call. Mom told me she'd let me know what to do next; she knew Kira wanted me to be on standby to come up to the hospital during labor. I hung up and Sam knew exactly what was happening. Neither of us slept from that moment on. We were excited, anxious, nervous, and prayerful for Kira and Erick. We chit-chatted in the few minutes before the boys woke up about parenthood and how life for my sister and her husband was about to change. We reminisced about our boys' births. And, then, the boys woke up and I tried to focus on them. Then, suddenly, my phone rang again. Kira said, "Hello, Aunt Amber!"

I was totally taken by surprised, to be honest. It had only been maybe a little over an hour since Mom called - and I wasn't supposed to know that Kira was even in labor or at the hospital (or tell that Mom had already called me), so I didn't know what to say!! "Hi, Aunt Kira," I replied, not thinking to say "Mommy!" to the new mother. "I'm holding your nephew!" she said proudly.

"What?!? Wait, what?! It's a boy? You had him? What?!" I was thoroughly confused.

"It's a boy!" Kira said. And, she proceeded to tell me a very brief version of her very brief, unmedicated, water birth. But, she wouldn't tell me a name until I got to the hospital. So, I got off the phone with her very quickly, tried to get myself and the boys ready as fast as I could... to wait. We weren't supposed to go to the hospital just yet. So, we waited, and waited.... and then finally, we headed to the hospital.

I arrived with my toddler, my infant, lots of snacks, toys, and diapers all in my big buggie of a double stroller. As I maneuvered through the hospital door, I saw my mom, my dad, my brother-in-law, a little bundle of a nugget nephew, and my little sister sitting up looking gorgeous as ever as if no pain had touched her. I can't remember exactly how she introduced us, but it was in those next few moments that I first laid eyes on Levi Emmett. He was so little, so yummy, so beautiful.

And, a year later, he still is. Levi's smile lights up the room. He's sweet and smart and sensitive. When I think back throughout the year, a few things pop into my mind. I have a favorite memory of playing with my boys when Levi was a newborn. We were playing at Mom's house, and all 4 of us (Banner, Quinn, Levi, and me) had our heads on the little play mat. I remember wanting to bottle that moment up before these little boys are big and running all over the place (and that's already happening now!) or before they are grown teenagers who never give me the time of day anymore. I remember going over to Kira's house when Erick and Mom were both out of town. Levi was about 6-7 weeks old. I remember Levi's little legs barely touching the onesie he wore because it swallowed his little body. I remember Kira feeling overwhelmed at new motherhood as I teared up listening to her - knowing full well what she was experiencing, but also knowing how months from that moment she would miss her itty-bitty baby and how very much I missed my Quinn being so little and fragile. I remember aching for the days when my boys were so little and just wanting to soak up my nephew at this little but mighty stage. I've also been able to watch Levi hit big milestones - not necessarily for the first time - but I can still remember him rolling over for the first few times, as we cheered him on "Go! Go! Go, Levi!" or watching him take his first few steps or try a new food.

I've enjoyed watching Levi become Quinn's best friend. Those two play so well next to each other, sharing space and toys and giggles. Rolling balls to each other, reaching around each other, discovering new things along side each other. Quinn will hear Levi waking up from a nap and want to go into his room at Grandma's to get him up. He's learned to gently (and sometimes not-so-gently) pat Levi on the head... and Quinn has learned that Levi can dish it out, too. They color, chase, picnic, make messes together. I know the coming months will introduce new challenges to these boys as they want new things and have different ideas of what is fun or what is "theirs," but they seem to truly love and really like each other, and I hope that is always the case!

I am grateful for Levi and the joy he's brought my sister. I love that he made her a mommy, a role I knew she always wanted and would be good at. She's not just good, though. She's amazing, and I am so very proud of her. I know this year has been challenging and trying. What first year isn't? Her initiation into motherhood was like most moms - tiring, exhausting, grueling, worrisome, heart wrenching, yet all beautiful and joyful and magical. I know she's looking back at this first year with nostalgia, a yearning to go back to those first few minutes with her baby boy who she can still see so clearly in her mind. I know she wishes she could do a few things differently - maybe embrace the time more or take it all in better or stop the worrying. We spoke this evening about this and the irony of it all: she wishes she could redo Levi's birth and slow it down a bit . . . I wish I could redo Banner's birth and change my perspective of things at that time when nothing went my way. We both had very different birth stories, yet we both want to change something about it or the way we perceived it. But, our stories are beautiful the way they are - because both of us have these gorgeous, healthy babies. And, just like motherhood, you're always going to want to do it again - do it better, do it right, do it over again because it was amazing.

So, on this first BIRTHday, I wish my sister peace and happiness as she looks back at a year filled with love, learning, milestones, growth, change, and complete success! I wish Levi many, many, many more birthdays. And as he enters this second year of life, I wish him love, happiness, and health always! Happy Birthday, Levi Emmett!

Levi - Day 1

Our first picture together

Levi - Day 360

Our most recent pic together

17-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
This month flew by! There's not entirely too much to report in this newsletter; we've had a pretty boring month! :) But, each day you continue to brighten our lives with your sweet personality. You are so loving and cuddly, so eager to learn and listen, so full of sweetness.

So, here's what I can tell you about this month:

• You just cut another tooth (grand total is a whooping 7 teeth... we're making some progress considering you didn't get your first one until 12.5 months!). This new one is the bottom left tooth next to the middle teeth. Your middle teeth are so tiny - mostly appearing tinier than they are because they are crooked and turned nearly sideways! Oh, braces, here we come! But, you are so cooperative with toothbrushing and are eager to have your teeth cleaned (or at least suck on the itty bitty bit of toothpaste we put on the brush!).
• We officially started Toddler & Me classes at school (we went a few times in December, but now we are "enrolled"). Once a week, you and I get to join Banner at Torah service on Thursdays, and then we say goodbye to him to join Ms. Mara's class. You are making great progress there. You have definitely started feeling more comfortable - smiling and listening to Ms. Mara, Ms. Donna, Ms. Rhonda, and Ms. Lisa. I enjoy watching you develop more of a sense of independence as you explore the library, the playground, the gym, and some friends in our class. You are always interested in what Ms. Donna is showing the class on the felt board during library (and you also enjoy taking whatever she puts up there right down!), and you love to play with the balls and roll down the mats in the gym. You like strumming Ms. Lisa's guitar, and you LOVE sitting with Banner at Torah. . . you both actually get along and hold hands during a lot of the assembly. Your first little friends in that class are: Benjamin, Grayson, Blaire, Luca, and Hudson. You typically share your space well with them and can even parallel play nicely.

You at Torah wearing Banner's kipah (which you simply call "hat")

• To your word list, you've added "apple," "ish" (fish), "bearis" (strawberries, a new favorite food!), turkey, Bot (for Rescue Bots that Banner loves), "gapes" (grapes), and my favorite... "Nice!" usually after you give a kiss or hug.
• You can tell me what a horse says ("neigh, neigh!"), what a dog says ("wooh, wooh!"), and what a cat says ("moww, moww!"), but you haven't quite locked in cow and sheep - you need me to remind you of those. 
• Your favorite song is "Twinkle, Twinkle," and you love doing the hand motions to it. You also like "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" and try your best to keep up with the movements - but you mostly jump right to bouncing up and down from knees to toes. Most music interests you; you don't like to be in the car unless music is on, and you shift your attention from whatever you're doing to the music or songs or dancing that might come on TV (recently, I can use the dancing/singing songs from Ella Enchanted to calm you down when you're getting antsy before dinner).
• You still love to read at night before bedtime. Your favorite book is probably My Name is Not Quinn, a special book made for and given to you by Blakely. We have also started checking out library books at the public library, and we both like the variety of books that adds to our repertoire.
• You got your MMR shot. Mommy was holding off on this shot like we did with Banner. He didn't get his MMR shot until his 18-month well check, mostly because this is the one shot that just makes me a bit more nervous than the others (for lots of reasons). I have every intention of getting my kids vaccinated, but I tweaked the schedule to make myself a bit more comfortable. . . . UNTIL there was a measles outbreak linked to Disneyland, and then measles cases were being reported too close to home. I heard the story break on the news one night (and I never watch the news!). First thing the following morning, I called Dr. B's office to get you in for your MMR shot. I'm glad I did, even though a week later you spiked a fever and seemed otherwise uncomfortable. But, better that than measles, right!?
• We talked to Dr. B about your "allergic shiners," the bluish/purple bags under your eyes. We will be watching those more closely to figure out what is going on with that. You've had those most of you life, and I wish they would go away, because when they are not there, your eyes light up so brightly!
• You are becoming quite the comedian. I think I wrote about this last month, but your silly faces and comedic timing are so funny! Just the other night, you had all of us cracking up with you as you made your silly faces or copied what we asked you to say or do.
• We celebrated Brycen's 3rd birthday at his house, and you had lots of fun with your cousins! We also just went to Levi's first birthday party! He won't officially be 1 until later this week, but we had a blast celebrating him. He's definitely one of your best buds, and I love watching the two of you interact and play together! 
• You and Banner are getting along better these days. He's getting more patient with you, and you are understanding what he wants and how to play with him more and more, so you two are starting to have more fun together. You definitely adore him and want to be where he is, and you love when he loves on you!

You and Banner enjoying "afternoon snack" (as Banner calls it)

Quinn, one of the most frustrating things about you is your disastrous sleeping habits. You rarely sleep through the night for more than a few nights in a row. Your naps are unpredictable. We rock you to sleep, and while I know we need to stop that, it's so much easier than the incessant crying that takes place if we don't. So, forgive me when I say that I often dread napping you. But, at the same time, I love the way you feel in my arms. The other day, you fell asleep pretty quickly, but the way you were so snuggly and cuddled in my arms, I didn't want to move. I just wanted to savor the sweetness of your smell and the warmth of your body and the softness of your little arms draped all over me. And, no matter how your night went, you always wake up and want to rest your head on my (or Daddy's) shoulder. You love for us to hold you tight and rub your back or stroke your arm or caress your hand. This is perhaps one of the most special things about you - your loving, tender, sweet, affectionate personality. I hope you never outgrow your cuddliness! I love loving you so much!

Happy 17-Months, Quinn Redding!
I love you so very much!
Love,
Mommy

Swinging at the park a couple days ago - love this face!