A Day at the Aquarium

Aunt Kiki had a day off from work today and wanted to spend a little extra one-on-one time with Banner. She was so sweet and took us to the World Aquarium this morning, and what a fun, stimulating time it was for my sweet boy. We saw lots of fish, sharks, flamingos, penguins, frogs, bats, sloths, ducks, parrots, monkeys, owls, eels, and even a jaguar! I think Banner was on overload a lot of the time as he learned new animals and saw lots he'd only ever seen in pictures! We definitely got a lot of great pictures before it was time for (Mommy's special-made) lunch at the park. Here are some pics from our awesome morning. Thank you, Aunt Kiki, for such a fun-filled morning and mostly for the special time we got to spend together. We love you!

Special Aquarium Lunch

Octopus on Seashells - more fun lunch!

Pointing out the waterfall

The top of a manatee from above... Crazy big!

Swans

Ducks

This was Banner's face pretty much all day!

The head of a huge anaconda; see him peeking up?

Bats... FREAKED ME OUT

I love how she just plops down on the floor with him

Octopus

Jellyfish

Love this - looking at a penguin

My favorite was the shark tunnel - SO cool

Love Kira's face here . . . the tank was kinda scary!

Love the reflection

Looking up at more sharks overhead

Reaching for Mama

By the end of the day, Banner was hooting like an owl

Jaguar

Flamingos

Park time!

No More Bottles!

I'm having a bit of a bittersweet evening. My baby boy has officially dropped all bottles, and I'm both thrilled and saddened by this event. I had tried to drop all bottles at 12 months, but that just wasn't feasible for our family after two days of trying to drop cold turkey. So, we decided to fit in at least 16 ounces into three bottles each day (rather than the four he had usually taken of formula before turning one-year). Banner got a bottle upon waking from the night and from his second nap, and he got his last bottle right before bed. The first bottle to go was the nap bottle. That was easy. The second bottle to go was the morning bottle. It was rough for a day or so, but then Banner got the hint that a sippy cup is all I'd offer him. And, then, the weaning I'd been dreading... the bedtime bottle. This bottle was so much a part of our routine. How was I going to cope without it? Not only was I worried about Banner freaking out about not having it, but I was so sad that that special quiet time before bed was going to end.

But, life goes on, and last night was Banner's last bottle. We had slowly dropped ounces out of that bedtime bottle until we got to about 3.5 ounces. As I sat with him last night, trying to burn the image before me into my mommy brain, I held Banner and rocked him as he held his bottle in his mouth. I purposefully made the moment a bit melodramatic to keep from crying (which I actually did do at 12 months when I thought we were really dropping bottles!), telling Banner all about how bottles have helped him grow and be nourished, how he should be grateful to the bottles he's had, and how this would be his last one. When he took that last suck and drained the last drops, I told him to say bye-bye to his bottle. He waved at it, and then we went to brush his teeth. It was a moment I know I'll remember for a long time, but it's one I hope he actually forgot by today. I don't want him missing it, even if I will.

Sure, I won't miss washing those darn things, but I will miss those quiet moments that we have shared together all these months. I know I'm making a big deal about a little thing, but I know people whose newborns are struggling to leave the NICU because the suck/swallow/breathe reflex is not working so well. If only they could learn to drink from a bottle and take all feedings without a feeding tube, they could go home. So, yes, I know not to take the ability my baby has had all these months to feed so easily from a bottle. Granted, I never wanted him to have a bottle in those early months; I wanted him to strictly breastfeed, but when that didn't work for us and my hopes of a being a successful nurser were shattered, the next best thing was the bottle. So, this evening is a little bittersweet to not have a bottle to prepare, to hold, to wash.

We will see how the next few nights go with this change. So far, this night has been unremarkable - nothing new to report. Banner knew there was something different - a bit off - but going to bed was easy and seamless, like we never skipped a beat. I'm hopeful that the days of the bottle will be one big blur to him and that there isn't some awful attachment to it. But, Mommy is having a few moments tonight (although without tears, thank goodness!) to mourn her own attachment to having a baby young enough to need a bottle!

Another Great Article: The Lasts

When I was in college, I took a writing class and wrote an essay entitled "The Dance," and it was about my first love - Sam. At the time, we were broken up. I was still missing him so badly, and writing this piece was very cathartic; so much so that I ended up writing several additional essays just for myself about what I remembered from our relationship, our break-up, our love, our friendship, etc. At one point in the original essay, I wrote about "the lasts," which are all the times you reflect on after a relationship ends - the last kiss, the last dance, the last date, the last time you laughed together, the last time we saw each other...

Tonight, my friend posted an article on Facebook, but this time, the "lasts" are all about parenting and not knowing when the moment will come for your child to do something for the last time. I'm pretty good - okay, really good - at noting Banner's firsts. Like most parents, we want to document these momentous occasions - first tooth, first word, first food, first time to walk/crawl/stand/sit, etc. We often are in such a rush for our kids to grow up that we pay little attention to the last time they do something that makes them the babies they once were. For me, I do pay attention to some of these things. Tomorrow night, Sam and I agreed, will be Banner's last bottle. We need to move past those for various reasons, but I'm really struggling with letting go of this! Banner had his last "two-nap-day" last week, and we've made the transition to one nap a day with great ease. I'm glad the transition was so seamless - in fact, I wonder how that happened on its own so easily when I anticipated a struggle of challenging days for weeks! But, even though it was great - I miss my boy being young enough to need two-three naps. I remember the days he didn't even have a "schedule," and he napped all day in those early weeks home from the hospital. He can't stay this little forever, I know. . . and I will be glad when the frustration of this particular stage has flown by (after all, yesterday, we turned our backs for one freakin' second and the boy was playing in the toilet!). But, this article reminded me of how fast time goes by and how grateful I am to be at home with Banner these early, young days. It reminds me that so many times, I won't know that I'm witnessing "the last" something. I really couldn't have said it better than this author... Read on:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/devon-corneal/parenting-lasts_b_1874086.html

Guest Post: About Your Mommy

Dear Banner,

I recently asked your mommy for a chance to write a guest post on her blog. She does not know what I'm writing,what it is titled, or even remotely what the subject is. You see, she writes this blog to keep track of our lives, of your growth and development, and in the hopes that you will someday be able to look back and see what you were up to all these years ago. What mommy rarely does, however, is talk about herself (unless it in some way relates to you). I wanted to write something so that, one day in the future, when you're reading this about what you were like, you will have some record of what your mommy was like, too.

She thinks about you. You are at the forefront of her thoughts all the time. If it's past your bedtime, she is constantly reminding me to be quiet so that I don't wake you up. If it is the morning, she is making sure that you are fed, clean and presentable to the world. If she is not with you, she is wondering how you're doing. If she is out and about with you, she is trying to find new ways to stimulate your mind and keep you entertained and happy.

She plans for you. Mommy is always planning, making a list, preparing something. She is rearranging and restocking your diaper bag constantly. She is planning your upcoming week with play dates, gymnastics, reading time at the library, getting time in with friends & family, and even what you will eat. She is always calculating what time your meals and nap(s) will be each day depending on the night before and when you woke up. She is figuring the timing of big events coming up with your schedule in mind, from a wedding we're in to the Race for the Cure to one of your cousins' birthday parties.  It is a rarity indeed for mommy not to be prepared for whatever may pop up with your schedule.

She creates for you. Mommy is constantly researching new things to do with you at home and out in the wide world. She finds ways to create new experiences for you at the zoo, at the library, or even just at home. She builds organizers for your toys. She designs projects for you to play and learn. She finds a way to submerge you in social and educational environments. She sculpts giraffe-shaped sandwiches for trips to the zoo and football-shaped crackers when the Horns or Cowboys play - all for you. She bakes new breads and concocts new recipes to expand your palette.

She teaches for you. She designs activities at home that she knows will teach you a new skill or show you a new facet of our world. She reads with you and encourages you to acquire language. She coaches you on how to do new things that you've never done before, most of the time with the intent that you will be able to do them again on your own. She takes time to substitute at her old school so that you have time to stay with Aunt Kiki, Grandma, Aunt Gayle or Aunt Shelby and learn from them, too.

She nurtures you. All of these things are done to nurture your personality, your sense of humor, your intellect, and your smile. When you smile she smiles brighter as a result. When you laugh she bellows out with joy. When you cry her heart aches for a way to make it better. When you fuss she fights herself to react in a way that she wants to model for you. When you just need a moment to cuddle, she is a soft, warm place for you to nuzzle and be home.

She remembers for you. She keeps a running list of your milestones, including how old you are when you reach them, and she notes the details to remember the circumstances surrounding your growth. She has diaries of the foods you have eaten and how you reacted. She blogs several times a week to ensure that we all have a catalog of you.

Everything your mommy does is for you. You are constantly on her mind, in her thoughts and prayers, and in her arms for as long as you will hold still in them. You are so blessed to have a mommy as great as yours. Like me, she loves you more every day and more than she ever knew she could. No matter where you go or what you do, she is with you, she is thinking about you, and she loves you.

Love, Daddy

Arth-freakin'-ritis

If you haven't kept up with the "knee issue" posts, feel free to go back and reread them, but extremely long story extremely short: I have arthritis. My rheumatologist isn't sure what kind it is just yet, and we may never know for sure, but it's either rheumatoid or psoriatic. My internist agrees, and she empathized with what I must be going through at the beginning of a diagnosis. She totally hit the nail on the head - explaining how frustrating it must be to have to go back and forth to the pharmacy to change medications because the other one(s) were not working, to keep paying a copay for them, to keep getting my hopes up that one med will work but then it doesn't, to not have all the answers, etc. What she didn't elaborate on was the pain I am feeling. So, I feel the need to just vent and get it out  tonight.

I feel like a prisoner in this body of mine. I feel like I am trapped in this tight, painful, sore, achy body with random parts that don't want to move, be used, be stretched, or turn certain directions. I'm very optimistic that we will find a medication that works, but right now I am on anti-inflammatory number 3, and I'm still not finding much relief. I was allergic to the first one, the second one didn't work, and I'm not feeling much benefit from this one. There are more options, and we are not at the end of the line by any means, but I'm just so frustrated with my body.

Sleeping is rough. I was always a good sleeper, and I still am. The problem comes in when I want to change positions or turn over. The moment I move, at all, I'm in pain. To pull my knee up, to turn my arm a different way, to rearrange how my wrist is situated under my head - it all just wakes me up and causes involuntary facial expressions as I wince at the tightness and painfulness of my body. Turning over causes both Sam and I to wake up, as it is a long, tedious process.

Waking up in the morning is the worst, I think. My body feels so sore and stiff. My right wrist (and since yesterday, my left wrist) and my left shoulder and elbow don't seem to want to cooperate. I feel like a ton of bricks has been added to my body each morning as I slowly will the strength to walk to Banner's room when I hear him cry out in the morning - and then muster even more strength and stamina to lift him out of his crib only to fight him on the changing table. Most mornings, my right wrist wants nothing to do with this fight, and I usually let Banner win for a bit until he's a little less inquisitive and I can distract him enough to try to lay still so I can change his full, wet diaper. While Sam is really helpful, I don't want to depend on him or have him bear the brunt of my body's weaknesses. Many mornings, anyway, he's already out the door to a meeting or event (which is GREAT for his business!). I absolutely HATE that the mere lifting of my not-even-25-pound toddler causes me such pain - or even anxiety. I have learned how to compensate most of the day - but the morning is rough. Even my right knee (which is still very swollen and stiff) gets pissed at me in the morning when I try to sit on the toilet - getting up and down from it causes me to feel like one very.OLD.lady! Oh, and then there's the left side of my jaw, which pops all day now. It's painful to even eat much of anything. Even wearing my night guard which I have had for years to prevent TMJ and grinding teeth has not helped alleviate the pain I'm feeling. Again, this only adds to the complete and utter feeling of being trapped in this body. It's like every morning my young, internal side is yelling, "LET ME OUT OF HERE!" I just want to be able to DO! (As I once read on an RA blog: "The pain is horrible, but the frustration is worse." Oh, I couldn't have said it better!)

Throughout the day, like I said before, I have learned to compensate. I lift Banner from the floor by leaning over and having him hug into me, so I lift with both arms underneath his armpits rather than using my hands underneath him. That prevents the pain in my wrist. I've learned to just let some of the small things go - which is probably a good thing anyway - like picking up his dropped/thrown sippy cup on the floor throughout a meal. I rely more on the vacuum/electronic broom more often - whereas I would usually just get down and collect all the spilled/dropped/thrown food with my hands and a wet paper towel. And, I'm slowly learning how to get up and down off the floor faster, although that is still a huge task when I'm trying to balance my weight and avoid my "bad" joints which are sprinkled on both sides of the body. I can't put weight on my right wrist, my left elbow, my right knee, and certain toes - so it's a challenge, but I'm trying! I just worry about the opposite areas compensating for my weak ones. In fact, like I mentioned earlier, my left wrist just started hurting - as if it's been a little bit jealous of the attention my right wrist was getting and needed to stir up trouble to get on my radar!

Ironically, I've needed Sam's help opening my medicine bottle first thing in the morning. I can't get enough strength behind my wrist to move and twist the bottle cap. The feelings that come along with this are awful: feeling inadequate, weak, dependent. I spoke with a friend (and former colleague) of mine who has rheumatoid arthritis, and it was so nice to hear that I'm not alone in these feelings. She was also diagnosed after her first child was born. We talked about how isolating having RA can be and how - even though our husbands are extremely understanding and empathic - they still won't ever really feel what we are feeling. It's hard to feel like an old woman at such young ages, and it's hard to feel weak or incapable when you really WANT to move, help, lift, etc.

I have a disease that no one can see or tell I have just by looking at me. No one can judge how much pain or discomfort I'm feeling, and the only way they would even possibly know or start to imagine is if I tell them. But, I'm not really one to go around telling people out of the blue that I have a disease. Honestly, I guess I just figured no one cares. But, with an invisible disease causing me pain, stiffness, achy-ness, and swelling, it's hard to feel normal.

There are times when I'm really hurting and just want everyone in the room to know. There have been times when I'm subbing and want the kids to walk themselves to PE so that I don't have to suffer the walk down the hallway. There have been times when I'm at gymnastics with a distracted Banner, and I could care less if he's doing what he's supposed to or not because I'm too sore to keep chasing after him. I'm finding it more and more difficult to write - so when I've gone to the doctor's office and had to sign-in or fill out paperwork, I hate holding the pen and trying to write well. (Typing doesn't hurt at all; holding a pen and grasping it as I move my wrist does hurt.) There have been times when I appear lazy or weak - like trying to move boxes to pack up after a garage sale, and boxes just slip right out of my grip, even a light box filled with stuffed animals. There have been times I just feel flu-like - weak and feverish (which I've heard is normal for RA patients), and I just have to suck it up and get over it. As the mother of a toddler, I don't get much choice, and I certainly don't get any sick days.

Some days are better than others, and some tasks are easier than others. Usually, by the end of the day, I might feel a little better and looser, only to face the next morning with a brand new start with pain and stiffness. It kind of makes me dread bedtime - knowing that I'll wake up the next day hurting again. Like I said before, though, I'm really hoping to find a medication that makes all of this history! I can't wait to have my body back to use as it is supposed to be used! I asked my friend if I will ever be able to run and chase and crawl with Banner without feeling this pain. I was relieved to hear that YES, I will get there! Once we find the right medication, I will be a better mommy to my boy, and I won't feel so run down. That, of course, was music to my ears - and I am holding on to that thought and to that image!
----
Note: I've added three new blogs about living with RA to my Blog Roll (on the right hand side of this page). Feel free to look around it for more information from these writers who deal with RA everyday. Some of what they say scares me because it's way worse than mine and I hope I am not headed in that direction - but most of it lets me know how NOT alone I am in my feelings and frustrations.)

Happy New Year!

To most Americans, it is not a new year just yet, but to Jews around the world, it is! The high holy days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur signify the beginning of the Jewish new year. It has been a time to reflect on the past and on the self. And, as we enter this new season, I wanted to share how my family celebrated.

For Rosh Hashanah, I attended services at Temple with Mom, Bob, Kira, and Erick - as well as my aunt and uncle. Sam had to stay home with Banner that night. I have to say - I had a really good time at services - which is not something you would typically hear me say. Mostly, I enjoyed goofing off with Kira. It was her first time to attend services as a married woman, and her husband did not love us whispering through so much of the service, but it was just like old times. Mom used to always have to whisper to us in a sharp tone, "Do I need to separate you two?" And, this time, Erick was the one saying that. But, what can I say? I love my sister!

Goofing off at services - the service hadn't started yet!

The following day, Mom and Kira were not feeling well, so since most everyone was staying home, I decided half-way to Temple to turn around and spend the day with Sam and Banner. I decided to make it a home holiday. I watched services on the live streaming, which was kind of nice because I got to show Banner the Shofar service. For the first time, he got to see the shofar being blown loudly, and he was glued to the computer screen. So cool! We also made a Rosh Hashanah card for Grandma & Papa and a birthday card for Papa (whose birthday was that day). (Pictures below!) I also decided to try a new recipe I had found for an apple honey challah. It was a BIG task, but SO worth it! The recipe can be found here. It makes two challahs, so we ate one for Rosh Hashanah (just us at home), and we saved (froze) the other for Yom Kippur to share with the whole family. These challahs were AMAZING! If I had more time and patience, I'd make them a lot more often - but I'll only make these for special occasions since it takes a really long time - and a lot of work to knead this dough!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

      

Later that night, we all went out to celebrate Bob's birthday. Lots of fun pictures were taken there! Great way to start the new year!

For Yom Kippur, Sam and I went to services with Mom, Bob, Kira, my aunt, and my uncle. After services, we went to my mom's house for a home-cooked meal and visiting. Banner got to spend some extra time with his Aunt Gayle that night. The following morning, Kira, Bob, Sam, me, and my aunt and uncle went to morning services. (Mom wasn't feeling well.) I don't know why, but I really liked this service. The rabbis did the Torah portion, and in 32 years, I don't remember ever hearing a rabbi read from the Torah. I know, that sounds really weird, because you would think that rabbis would read from the Torah more than anyone else, but usually, a Torah reading is read by someone being honored or a Bar/Bat Mitzvah student. So, this was a real treat to hear 4 different rabbis read from the Torah. (They were doing this in memory of the woman who typically would read the Torah portion on Yom Kippur day. Ms. Fisher died earlier this year, and she was one of my Hebrew teachers so long ago.) Anyway, the service went pretty quickly, and then Sam and I went home to be with Banner, who had spent some extra time with his NaNa (Aunt Shelby). At this time, I finished decorating the cupcakes I made earlier that morning. The cupcakes were for dessert at our annual family Break Fast on Yom Kippur night at Uncle Freddy and Aunt Jacque's house.

My "Apple" Cupcakes (Apples & Honey are symbols for a sweet new year)

Landry playing with old school toys! Love it!

All the kids saying the blessing and breaking the fast

 Here's to a wonderful, sweet new year! L'Shana Tova!!

15 Month Check-Up

Dear Banner,
In addition to all the fun stuff you are doing and learning now at 15 months old, we saw Dr. B today for your well check-up, and man, are we impressed by all the awesome stuff he said about you! You are one healthy, active, happy little guy - which we already knew - but it's always nice to hear the doctor confirm that!

Today's visit started with you wanting to run around the waiting room. You had no interest in sitting still and on our laps... do you ever? When the nurse called your name, Daddy scooped you up and you said, "Hi!!" to the sweet nurse who replied, "Hi! Well, that is so nice!" Then, she weighed and measured you:

Weight: 24 pounds, 10.5 ounces = 50th percentile (you gained a little over a pound since you turned one)
Height: 30.5 inches = 40th percentile*
Head: 47.25 cm = 50th percentile

(*Note that at your 12 month check up, you measured 30.75 inches tall - which means either you shrunk (ha!) or, more likely, they mismeasured you at the 12 month appointment. At 9 months, you were 27 3/4 inches tall which is in the 35th percentile, and then you were in the 75th percentile at 12 months. So, there was definitely a mismeasurement somewhere - maybe even today... who knows!? I don't really care, as long as you are healthy. There's really not a lot I can do to change your height, so it is what it is! When you are 18 months, we'll get yet another measurement, so until then - I'm fine with a healthy, growing boy!)

Then, we waited for Dr. B to come examine you. During that time, you entertained Daddy and me with your running in place moves, your silly giggles, and your desire to want in and out of Daddy's chair. (You're kind of into sitting in chairs these days - just sitting nicely for about 1 minute - looking all around and at things from a new perspective. You look so funny when you do this.) Daddy and I also answered some questions about you at this age so that Dr. B could give us feedback about how you are doing developmentally.

When Dr. B came in - you were pretty friendly, which changed throughout the visit as he examined you! He told us that you were developmentally between a 16 month old and a 19.5 month old. He was really impressed with how many words you know... which we couldn't give an exact answer right away but told him it was at least a dozen. Given that at 15 months, he would expect you to have 3 words (not including Mama, Dada, and family members' names), he said you were doing great! Daddy even asked me when we left if I thought Dr. B thinks we were making it up! (When we got in the car, we started counting all the words we could think of that we hear you say: car, shoes, cracker, waffle, banana, more, door, dog, baba (not sure if that counts), baby, ball, apple, hhh for "hot" and coco for "cold" (again, not sure if this counts), bubble... and I'm sure there are more we didn't think of. But, the point is, we were not making it up!)

By the way, on the questionnaire, the areas we circled "No" to were: eating with a spoon/fork without spilling, drinking from a cup without a lid/spout without spilling, and building a tower with 3+ cubes (you can do 2 but not 3 yet - or maybe it's just that you want to knock it over before you're patient enough to get a third cube up there!). So, you better believe we will be working on these skills pretty soon!

We told Dr. B that you have a new habit of trying to bite us... which he says is very typical of kids your age. But, he wants us to start giving you a time-out when this happens. I'm not sure how I feel about this. He says that even if you simply attempt to bite us, we should take our attention away from you and ignore you by putting you in your crib (a safe place we can leave you) for one minute. I'm all for ignoring you when you act like this, and I typically just put you down and walk away from you. I'm not sure if I agree with the crib time out, so I have some thinking to do on that. I don't want you to associate your bed with negativity at all - you really like your crib. Oh, Banner Boone, one day you will see how very difficult these parental decision are! I love you so much and just want to do the best/right thing for you, which is so hard with not knowing for sure what that is!

Anyway, Dr. B looked you over from head to toe, and he said you are a healthy, growing boy. Here are some other things we talked about at your appointment:

• He said your bottom molars look like they are on their way up soon, but he still only sees 2 teeth on bottom and 6 on top. 
• We have to keep your carseat rear-facing until you are 2, which is a bummer because your legs are slowly getting to long for that seat to be facing a barrier! 
• We are allowed to up the DEET amount in your bug repellant to 30, which is good because you typically get lots of bites - you're too sweet! Speaking of, we asked Dr. B what to do when you get those nasty, swelling, hot bites. . . he says if you are not bothered by them we shouldn't be either. He said to just put some cortisone cream on it, and watch it over 24 hours or so. Hopefully, bug repellant will help ward off any of these nasty bites! 
• He wants us to continue to avoid nuts/nut products and uncooked honey. 
• We are still aiming for 16-24 ounces of whole milk a day (and he again encouraged me to drop all bottles - which we only have one of now at night).

Then it was time to go! But, first we had to get three shots: DTaP, Hep B/Hib combo, and a Flu shot. You were a champ! As usual, you cried when they gave you a shot in each leg, and when the third needle hit you you screamed even more. I hate having to hold my baby down for these, but I know the shots will keep you healthy and strong, and I'm all for that! I let you have your paci for these shots - a rare treat to have a pacifier out of your bedroom! And, afterward, the nurse let you get a fun, big, bouncy ball that you held tightly the whole way home!  As we speak, you are napping away, and I am one proud Mama at all your growth, development, healthiness, and bravery! Way to go, B!

For a Later Time...

I found this letter linked to Pinterest, and I love the way this mom writes to her third grader. One day, I hope I will share this with Banner as he starts school. I especially love the end, how she describes her love for her child not being dependent on him doing his best, getting all A's, winning contests, etc. She explains that she already loves him as much as she ever could and how that love will never be lost. What a great message she gives to her child, and as a school counselor, I wish every parent would encourage his/her child(ren) to be brave and kind. What a much better world we would live in if all kids had supportive parents like this, if all kids realized they could listen to their compassion when they hear it, and feel that they are loved no matter what. Read on...

Dear Chase,
Hey, baby.
Tomorrow is a big day. Third Grade – wow.

Chase – When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.
Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.
And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.
I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.

I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.
So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.
Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.
Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.
Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.
Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.

When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.
Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.
We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.
We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.
Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.
Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.
Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.
Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.
Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.
I love you so much that my heart might explode.
Enjoy and cherish your gifts.
And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.

Love,
Mama
From http://momastery.com/blog/2012/08/23/the-talk/