Dear Leslie (7)

Dear Leslie,
So you've missed a pretty big year - yet again. Our days are filled with such busy things, and it doesn't look like it will slow down any time soon. Having three kids with busy schedules, work, politics, and time with family and friends keep us constantly "calendaring" for the next event and how we will manage to keep everyone sane and cared for during each day and night. We are spread thin, but we're living it up and taking you along for the ride each day.

This morning, I opened my Facebook app and saw that Miles had posted such beautiful pictures of you. I could immediately hear your voice, feel your hugs, and remember your sweet words of how much you loved him, your "best friend." Mostly, though, I could hear your laugh. Oh that laugh. Just lit anyone up, even if you were on my nerves at the time. It was contagious. It makes me light up now, just hearing it in my head and thinking of you delighted or tickled about something someone said or did, or the way you'd enjoy your grandsons.

I can see you cracking up, watching Sam figure out his new role as Daddy to an infant Banner. You had such joy watching your baby with his baby. And, he'd continue to make you so proud these days, too. He is a fighter, a warrior for others and a mensch in all ways. He has spent the last year and a half diving in to politics and getting to know our community better than he's ever known it even after living here for his whole life. He does a great job balancing his many responsibilities, and I know you'd be thrilled with his success. It would also mean us needing you around the house more to help with the boys, and THAT would make you so happy.

We know you would love Banner's inquisitive ways, and you'd be super impressed by how brilliant his mind is. He would teach you things you would have no idea you never thought about! You would laugh the most at Quinn's jokes - encouraging him to tell you another joke that may or may not make sense, but your laugh would be hearty and heard throughout the house. I can see it so clearly in my mind - the two of you laughing so hard together - AT and WITH each other. You'd love to chase Knox, but you'd probably complain about how worn out you feel after being with that little ball of energy. You'd tickle him and tease him, and he would want more and more.

My boys would impress you, Bubbie. You'd have the most fun with them, and your heart would be so full when you would see Miles and Colby playing with them. They shoot each other with water guns in the backyard on a hot summer day. They teach each other how to play certain video games or show each other the latest apps. They take turns giving each other wheelbarrow rides around the yard giggling with hysteria. They watch each other open Hanukkah gifts and wish they got what that one got while still marveling at how cool their new lot is. They are good to each other, and they enjoy hanging out together.

It still angers me to this day that you don't get this time with them. It's so unfair that you are missing one of what I know would be your greatest joys. But, as I've told you for years now in these letters, you are still very much on our minds and in our hearts and in our conversations. Having one of your best friends as our BeeBee, we also get to celebrate you through her. We have lit candles for you on your birthday with her, talked about the things you enjoyed, noticed a familiar expression in the boys that looks like you, and talked about how our favorite TV shows remind us of you.

It angers me that each Halloween we have to recall that scary night when I thought for SURE Gayle was playing a joke on me calling to scream to me that her "mom is dead." Your life should not have been cut short. Sam and I should not have to get messages on this fun day with messages like: "Thinking about you guys today," or "Sending love and hugs on this day," or other nice sentiments we appreciate but remind us of how you're not here. We love that other people think of you, too, but it just sucks that you're not a part of this amazing life we are living.

I'm forever grateful for the many talks we had, the late nights on the phone, the insight into your boy's heart that you would share, and the bits of wisdom you imparted to me throughout the 15 years I knew you. While there are things that would drive me nuts about you or things that you've passed down to your son that drive me batty, you left me one of my greatest joys. You gave me my husband and therefore our children, and for those precious people, I can't thank you enough.

I promise you I'm taking good care of them, and I promise you we continue to bring you along for the adventure we are on each day. You memory is a blessing, and I promise to at least TRY to make every day a beautiful day.

Missing you always,
Amber