Today was your last day of your very first year of school. As a teacher and a counselor, obviously education is important to me, so I want to reflect on all that you've learned this year before it slips away from my memory of you at this exact time. When we started the year, I felt the same way I did when each of your brothers began their first year of school. I was anxious for you to begin, to head out into the world away from the familiar faces you'd seen every single day since the day you were born. If you weren't with Daddy or me, you were with Grandma or BeeBee (or Aunt Kira or NaNa or Aunt Gayle). Starting school meant you'd be in a brand new place with new people to know and rely on. We were so fortunate to have caretakers jump at the chance to help us with your first year and a half so you never had to go to a daycare or have a babysitter you didn't know. You bonded with BeeBee and Grandma so well, and you are still very close with each of them since you got such special time with them as an infant - and even this year when they'd pick you up from school.
What upset me more than anything was that I would miss your first day of school. I had to work that day, and looking back, I realize that was a mistake for me. It was completely avoidable in hindsight, and I promise I won't let that happen again. I love that I have a job that allows me time to be with you boys on those important days, and the fact that I missed yours makes me sad. In all honesty, I was so sure you'd be okay given how very excited you would be at taking Quinn and Banner to camp last summer and taking Quinn to school the whole year before that. You'd want to stay and play with toys as soon as you were up and walking. I can see you now - in your pajamas you'd drag your footsies behind your unzipped sleep clothes (ready for nap when we would drive right back home around 9:00 after leaving Quinn at school). When it was finally your turn to stay at school, I thought you'd be fine. Daddy took you that morning, and he said it was not easy for either of you. The next several weeks were rough at drop-off. You attended school only on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, so there wasn't a whole lot of consistency in your week. Wednesdays were with Grandma until January, when we added that third morning to your school schedule.
Luckily, it didn't take until January for you to feel more comfortable at drop-off. You were crying less and less, and eventually, by October-ish, you were happy at school and did much better for Daddy at drop-off. First semester was also hard for me because I was never the one to pick you up. I got all my news and updates about how you were doing from BeeBee, Grandma, and Daddy, and I never really got to see you in your classroom. When we added Wednesdays (my half-day at work), I was able to be the one to pick you up, and I LOVED being able to see you quietly reading on the carpet or playing with a friend or being silly with a toy or having your diaper changed or listening to a story... I'd sneak up so you couldn't see me just yet, and I'd watch you - so happy. Then, you'd notice I was there, and you'd shout, "Mommy!!!" More recently, you've been saying, "MY Mommy!!! Mommy's heyah!" You light up and jump up and down and run to me - ready go give a big hug.
Throughout the year, you've grown in so many ways - physically of course, yes. But, socially you've done so well. One of your teachers told me the other day, "I don't think he's ever done anything wrong. I've never had to get on to him about anything." Another teacher said, "He has the BEST personality!" and another said, "His facial expressions are awesome!" You are Mr. Social in that classroom, and I love that you have made friends and play nicely with them! You've also grown so close with your teachers, and I'm excited that you'll be able to stay with those teachers both this summer at camp and next school year when they move up to the TWOS class with you! You've grown especially close to Ms. Hani. She adores you so, and you are quite in love with her. There have been MANY, MANY times throughout the year when you will come up to me saying, "Hani, Hani!" then realize what you're saying and change it to "Mommy, Mommy!" I actually like this; it tells me you trust her and rely on her help when you need it. It makes my heart happy to know you feel safe and cared for when away from us.
You're still weary of change and do not want to go to school on days when I drop-off. Since it's not in your schema to have me be the one to take you, you do not like to separate from me. Even last night, at your celebration event, we were instructed to take students to their regular classroom before your presentation. You immediately started crying - because I was the one taking you AND because it was the evening. It was so not your routine, so you were not having it. That only made matters worse when it was time to sing in front of the large audience. You immediately cried (as you did at the Mother's Day performance), and we held hands through the song to help you. I don't blame you - I wouldn't want all those eyes on me either (ironically, thanks to your meltdown, you and I had eyes on both of us)! But there have been a couple of days - today included, when I got to take you to school through carpool, and you proved Daddy right that you happily go in the building with Quinn and a teacher while waving goodbye. My favorite was over my spring break when I got to take you and Quinn, and as you got out of the car, you waved to me, "Bye Mommy! Bye!!"
You are one perfect Knox. You do you so well, and I love that you have grown into such a confident little boy as you learn to be a student and "play school" so well. I'm grateful to your teachers for being there for both of us this school year, for guiding you and watching you and taking care of our boy when we are away! I'm grateful to your little buddies at school who seem to respect you and you them. I'm glad you and Quinn have each other at school. I'm glad you love learning! Keep doing it, my sweet Knox Morgan. Here's to many more amazing years in school - each one wrapped up with smiles, reflection, and appreciation.
I love you, Baby Love!
Love,
Mommy
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