Dear Leslie (6)

Dear Leslie,
I'm a day late in posting this, but I have a feeling you'll forgive me. I know you get it - life with three busy kiddos is crazy insane, and it leaves little time for reflection and writing. However, not a day goes by that I don't think of you in some way - whether it's a little glimpse of you in Quinn's eyebrows or sharing a funny story with the boys about you or perhaps identifying with last night's This is Us monologue as the character described how every beautiful moment stings with a bit of pain as we can't share it with you. I know Sam and I both thought of you - and how you've missed so many beautiful moments - so many moments we wish you could have seen, been a part of, or rejoiced with us. The birth of 2 more grandsons, the marriage of your daughter, the new house, the growth of Sam's law firm, the Kindergarten graduations and the school performances, the soccer goals, the touchdowns, the first places, the Halloween pictures and the New Year's celebrations ... the list goes on. So, yes, we've been busy. But we are never too busy to think about how much you are still a big part of our lives.

Mostly, my thoughts of you center around my kids, of course. How you'd laugh at the way Knox babbles. You'd probably be copying him and giggling. I can just hear it in my head as I write this. That laugh of yours. You'd still be whispering to each boy that he was your best friend. You and Quinn would get along so well - he would love to cuddle with you and watch movies, and you would marvel at his sweetness and creativity. You and Banner would probably butt heads, but he would so delight you and amaze you at just how damn smart he is. Those boys would think you were silly, loving, and kind. I can see it so clearly in my head as if it were a truth, a reality. That's the gift and the curse, I suppose.

And, Sam. You would be ever-impressed at his newest endeavor. He's running for Congress! I mean, how amazing is that!?! I know you'd be proud of him - following his dream of running for public office, taking a leadership position where he can make a huge difference and impact on so many people! You would totally believe it, and you would spend most every day texting, emailing, and FaceBooking your family and friends - asking for donations for him, asking everyone to pass the news along, getting him votes and support and volunteers. You'd probably annoy everyone at how often you'd keep emailing them! But, it would all be out of pride and love for your only son. You'd know that he was feeling torn between his family and his love of country and standing up for what is right. Yet, you'd know that the passionate kid inside of him, the boy you raised who wouldn't give up no matter what, couldn't be talked out of this decision to be a loud voice in this time of chaos in our country.

This letter would be incomplete if I didn't include one big issue that began with that chaos. The way we see it, our world got flipped upside down when citizens across the nation seemed to identify with negative messages a presidential candidate was spewing. We didn't care that one specific candidate didn't win... what we cared about was that so many people were buying the garbage being sold by the other. Unfortunately, in the process of people trying to make their decisions about who to vote for or to vent their frustrations with the candidates, harsh words were spoken and families and friends were saying awful things to one another. In a string of (perhaps misunderstood) events and heated debates, well-meaning passion turned into severed ties, and now we are one of the statistics of families who don't interact with certain family members. You'd be saddened and frustrated to know that we haven't seen a couple family members in nearly a year now, and we have been asked not to include them at birthday parties and family events, as they feel we owe an apology for something. I'm honesty not sure what that apology should be - especially if it's seemingly only owed on our side of this conflict. There's much more to the story, but I have a feeling you know the truth and what's been going on. And, if you do know that truth, you are saddened, fearful, and terribly angry. Of that, I have no doubt.  You raised some stubborn kiddos, Leslie, and neither side is budging on this one.

With that exception, things are mostly wonderful in our busy lives. We are busy with raising little men around here, and through it all, Sam and I keep each other quite happy. There's a photo that sits on my bathroom counter and stares at me every morning as I do my hair or make-up and every evening as I get myself ready for bed. It's the photo taken as Sam and I were leaving our wedding, rose petals up in the air, giant smiles on our faces, and a crowd of loved ones around us. And, quite clearly, you are in the background. I can unfreeze that moment in my mind, and you are brought back to life, carrying my wedding shoes out of the hotel, finding your place in the crowd to wave us goodbye, feeling like you'd "been in a movie." Just like in the photo, you are here with us still - frozen quite clearly in the background but with a smile on your face, carrying us, in the minds of everyone who loved you, and seeing us on our way. There may have been an unexpected and painful goodbye, but you've never really left, and there are days I expect you to just walk in the door. Well, I suppose you do, though. In your own way, you do. You show up, and your presence is felt.

I'll end with this promise, again. I promise you I'm keeping your little boy in line. I'm here for him, I support him, and I encourage him. I promise we make each other happy, and we love each other so much. I promise to take great care of your grand babies, too. I promise to keep your memories alive and well and to pass on so many of your stories and wisdom. I promise to make each day a beautiful day.

Missing you always,
Amber