Journey to the Knot: Quinn: Three and a Half!

Dear Quinn,
Sometimes it's hard to believe you are already 3 and a half. Other times, I'm surprised you are not older than this number that seems so young. You are a wise little boy, and you continue to amaze us - but not surprise us - with your immense vocabulary and creative ideas. Your memory, your silliness, your affection - all so very impressive. I feel that in the past 6 months or so you have truly become our middle child and not just the little one with the baby brother. As a middle child myself, I never really understood the stigma and the "syndrome" that seems to accompany this position in the family, but as a parent, I see it clearly. I see how easy it is for the middle child to be overshadowed by the freshness of the older child and the cuteness of the baby. All your firsts are OUR seconds, and they won't be our LASTs, so you get stuck in the middle with not a lot of excitement. That sucks so badly for you. I try so hard to make sure it isn't that way! You are a different child, a different personality, a different perspective. You're unique in that you are one of the oldest in your class (as opposed to Banner being a summer, young birthday). You are unique in that you have this older boy to compete with and keep up with and to admire and to long for his attention. You have a little one right behind you, wanting so desperately to do everything you do! He admires you the way you admire Banner, and you and Knox will spend more and more time together now that he's getting bigger! I am loving the way you have decided to embrace him after months of uncertainty!

Since late November/early December, we have seen a noticeable difference in you, Quinn. For months, you were an anxiety-ridden, meltdown-at-any-minute basket case. I was really worried about you for a while. You didn't want to go to school, you were anxious at the idea of having to go there no matter what time of day you'd ask us if you had school the next day. We met with your teachers and the school director, and they were seeing the same apprehension and reluctance. You didn't want to participate in certain activities or sing certain songs. You weren't having fun like you did last year. During the High Holy Days, you were afraid God was going to be at services, and you didn't want to go. You did NOT want to say you were sorry to God, and even after reassurance that God would not, in fact, be sitting up on the bimah for you to walk up to and speak directly to, you couldn't shake that image out of your head and were pretty anxious about going to school when they talked about God and saying you are sorry to anyone! Every night at dinner, when we share our "sweet" and our "sour," your sweet would be when you left school, and your sour would be that you had to go to school. Yet, we couldn't figure out what was making you so anxious about school. You are a bright boy who excels in nearly every area; you made friends easily and seemed to like everyone at the building; you were following rules and making good choices... but you had seemingly regressed into not wanting to be away from us at all.

Change is always hard for you. Welcome to being MY son! But, this was unusual for you. Luckily, that is not the case any longer - and when you ask if you have school today (or tomorrow), I no longer cringe when I have to give an affirmative answer. Sometimes, you even say, "Yes!!" in excitement at getting to go. Now, going to school is your "sweet." I love that! And, when I pick you up, sometimes you want to stay longer. You are happy, cheerful, and full of SO MUCH energy at pick-up time. You are talkative and tell us about the funny things that happened that day or who you played with. I'm not sure what changed; but I'm glad it did! My personal opinion is that you had regressed after Knox was born. Starting in June last year, you didn't want to go to camp, and that never really got better once the school year started. You've had a lot of changes, and I think that was the setback. From potty training and dropping nap to moving houses and life with a mobile baby and not going to school with Banner anymore... it was a lot of change for one little boy! It's no wonder you were probably feeling all twisted and confused and unsure of your big world.

Yet, you've come out of this turmoil you must have been feeling to show us how strong and smart you are:

-You continue to thrive linguistically! Your word choice continues to impress us. You use words like "realize," "activity," "actually," and you retell stories with long, lengthy sentences. Your work was showcased with your class's this last month at school. Your retell is elaborate and full of complex sentences. You were fully conversational a LONG time ago, but your vocabulary and sentence structure just keep impressing!

-You absolutely love to dance. My favorite is the sharp pointing upward at the finale of a song - or even the tune of the dryer sounding or the ride-on airplane music wrapping up - one index finger pointing to the sky with an elbow fully extended and head nodding or slightly shaking in rhythm. You've taken to spinning on the floor like a break-dancer, and you pretend to play a mean air guitar. Usually, one eye is closed/squinted while you jam.

-You love to be silly and tell jokes. "Why did the robber take a bath? He wanted to make a clean get away. What has four legs but cannot walk? A chair. What has four 'eyes' but cannot see? Mississippi. Why couldn't the pirate go to the movie? Because it's rated 'ARRRR." Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy." You crack everyone up - telling your jokes at school and at home, and you've memorized them and continue to learn more. I'm not sure you completely understand your jokes, which makes it even better because you don't really laugh at them, but you deliver the punchline perfectly.

-Even when you aren't meaning to, you crack me up. One day at Grandma's house, Knox kept pushing the hallway carbon monoxide detector button, and it kept making a beeping sound that startled you a couple times. You covered your ears and ran to the den to me, fretting about him continuing to push the button. "Ehhhhhhh, he's gonna do it again. It's going to be loud!! It's going to be loud! EEEEHHHHH!" I said, "Look at me. You're okay." And, you replied, "Well, it's FREAKING ME OUT!" I couldn't help but laugh at your expression. It's not uncommon to hear you say some of these phrases that seem too old for you. You've been known, even at school, to say "O.M.G!" Ms. Robyn even told me that you winked at her one day. And, tonight at dinner, you told Daddy, "It's going to taste so good, you're going to say, 'What in the world!!!" (although your "world" was "woild") A few months ago (October), we were playing a game and when you lost a turn, you would stomp your feet, clench your fists, and with a scowl shout, "Obama!" After a few more times, I finally realized you were saying "Oh, bummer!" but with your sweet "New York accent," it sounded like you were damning the President! :) You so make me giggle!

-I've learned you are just going to be a little bit on the anxious side. You have a hard time with transitions. Leaving the house can be a trigger for tears. The mere act of getting shoes on and in the car can make you upset. But, once we are at our destination, you are just fine. You don't like to feel rushed at all - and that will bring out your anxiety, too. Daddy and I have to be careful not to say things like "Hurry up," or "Come on!" to rush you in anyway, or you start to panic. If others don't listen, you also get upset. "Eh! Banner, Mommy's going inside the house! Hurry! Mommy, Banner's not coming! Don't close the garage!!" or "Knox is gonna get my snack! Ehhh! Help!" and you say these in such a worried way (even if all is okay - like Knox is across the room and not at all showing interest in your snack).

-You're doing great in swim lessons lately! The beginning of the year was rocky, but now you swim in the deep end, jump off the side of the pool, and have jumped off the diving board a couple times (but this is what causes the most anxiety for you still).

-You are LOUD! We've read a book called Decibella to help you understand a wide variety of voice levels, and this has helped. I remind you to use your "6-inch voice," and sometimes you will tell me you'll use your "2-inch" voice instead... but then forget and start yelling again. We're working on inside voice vs. outside voice, but you mostly use the outside voice everywhere!

-You are passionate! You love what you love and hate what you hate. You love milk first thing in the morning, and multiple times throughout the day. You love Danimal smoothies, yogurt with M&Ms or Oreo crumbles, graham crackers while you watch the iPad, and gummies. You love Umizoomi, Peppa Pig, Daniel Tiger, and Trolls. You pretty much hate brushing your teeth and fixing your hair in the morning. You don't like to look at pictures or videos of yourself as a younger child. You love to have your back scratched. (I can just hear you now, "Scwatch my back.") Oh, and lately, you love to say something was "Fantastic!" How was your day? "Fantastic!" How's your pasta? Fantastic!

-You've become quite the actor. You like to act out parts of the movie Trolls. You particularly like to be Branch, and I'm Poppy. We've memorized parts of it and perform the campfire scene pretty often. You like to pretend a LOT. You are very imaginative. (You love to play grocery and use the cash register; you love pretending to cook in your kitchen; you invent stories using figures and blocks.) And, if someone deviates from their part or the character they are supposed to be (because you assigned them that character), you get upset. You often like to pretend you are Daniel and I am Mommy Tiger, and when we sing Daniel Tiger songs, I have to sing my part and you have to sing your part - and I get in trouble if I don't do it right. Most mornings, you tell us if you are Branch, Batman, or Pacman - and you refuse to be Quinn. If we say the wrong name, you let us know you are NOT Quinn.

-You like to help me bake and cook. By the time you turn 4, you may very well know several recipes and how to navigate the kitchen!

-You love a good concert when you poop. I know you're done and ready for me to wipe you when the rounds of singing stop. "Dreidel," "ABC," "Jingle Bells," "Bingo," "Farmer and the Dell," are all on your performance list. It's quite entertaining. (And, to be clear, you mess up the words like no other... "E-I-N-G-O" is how you spell "Bingo," and "I hope the dario," instead of "Hi ho" and "H-I-K-K-M-M-M-O-P" is the middle of your alphabet.)

-Lately, you've been exceptionally impatient! "Nevah" has entered your daily vocabulary - as in, "It's nevah gonna work, Mommy," or "Now I'll nevah find my toy!" or "He's nevah gonna let me have a turn!" And, sometimes, this word is used to state refusal to a request, especially when we ask you to clean up... a task that was once your strength. "Quinn, please pick up 5 toys to put away." "NEVAH!" It makes me laugh now, but in the moment, not so much, My Love.

-You are one stubborn little man when you want to be. I can just see you now, arms crossed tightly across your little torso, eyebrows furrowed, mouth tightened and lips pursed out, cheeks red, eyes blazing. You can be MAD when you want to be. You have to think hard to stop yourself from hitting Banner or lashing out at me when you are pissed off. Your little body tightens up and anger takes over you from time to time. Your voice gets loud and words get short. "GIVE.IT.TO.MEEEE!" or "IT'S.MY.TURRRN!!!" your demands are quick and voice thick with anger. And as much as I hate to see you so upset and unable to calm down, I love that you stand up for yourself and speak up loud and clear.

-In fact, a couple months ago, Daddy pulled his shirt over his head in a funny way, but when he snuck out from behind the refrigerator and startled you and Banner at the dinner table, Banner immediately pulled his fists up to his mouth and covered his face as he started to cry, while you shouted with your palm facing Daddy, "NO! STOP!" and even though both of you were angry at Daddy for scaring you, (after we stopped laughing...) Daddy and I told you how proud of you we were that you stood up to the scary thing and demanded it to stop!

-Every night at bedtime, you tell us that you don't want to go to sleep, that you want to stay up and play. Every.single.night, I tell you that you don't have to go to sleep but that it is time for bed, and you have to follow the bedtime rules: stay still, stay quiet, and close your eyes. You complain once or twice, and then you're fast asleep. (Your snoring has significantly decreased, but you definitely still breathe audibly and snore every now and then. I haven't taken it off the table to go back to the ENT, but for now, it's so much better.)

-You are so very smart! A couple days ago, you saw a car that had the same logo as Daddy's car on it, and you said, "Mommy, that car is made by the same company as Daddy's!" I was impressed that you knew cars were made by companies. That struck me as pretty intuitive. There's a line in the song "Down By the Bay," where the singer says, "Have you ever had a time, when you couldn't make it rhyme? ..." and you say, "But that DOES rhyme!" You just seem to "get" so much! Truly, nothing gets past you!

Quinn Redding, you continue to be affectionate and loving. You have embraced the reputation of giving "famous Quinn hugs" to our family members. And you really do give the best hugs! (One day when leaving school, you gave your teacher from last year, Ms. Tali, a big hug. You laid your head on her shoulder and gave a tight squeeze that lasted for a few minutes! She cuddled you as she said, "This is why I do what I do." Beautiful.) You adore cuddle time and being held, and sometimes you just need a hug. Nearly every time you seem to need that cuddle, I'm reminded of our first days together in the hospital, when cuddling you was the best thing in the whole world. Those are my earliest memories of you - and they are so very special, and I am so very grateful that you have stayed so snuggly! I've always called you my cuddle bug, and I love that this nickname holds true still.

At three and a half, you test us daily! I sometimes tell people that you are our hardest child right now. It's not really YOU, though. It's the age. Three and a half is a tumultuous time. You are experiencing so much right now - taking in the world, making sense of it, figuring out your place in our family and in the world, exploring and making connections, noticing everything, being silly and playful and demanding and emotional. You feel intensely and you live deeply in the moment. Your feelings are BIG at 3 and half. But my love for you is bigger, and oh my sweet boy... I couldn't be prouder of you!

Happy Half-Birthday, My Love!
I love you, love you, love you!
Love,
Mommy