Journey to the Cast

This past Saturday morning, Banner was playing around with Sam and Quinn just like they always do on the weekends. Banner was standing on the black arm chair in our den. Sam was leaning up against it on the carpet. Banner was jumping from the couch on to his daddy's back, and he did it several times without a problem. I watched, thinking it was a perfectly safe activity since he was literally a couple inches from his father's back which he was leaning on and jumping onto. Then, Banner did it one last time. This time, though, as he landed the two or three inches onto Sam's back, he wailed. Through tears, he told us that his foot was hurting. We couldn't see any visible markings (scratch/scrape), but he insisted he hurt his ankle. We asked if he could move it, and he could, but once he put any weight on it, he said it hurt more.

Sam was supposed to meet a friend at the park after getting some items we needed for our first soccer practice that was coming up in a few days. After a few minutes of shopping, it was obvious that Banner could not walk well on this foot and was truly hurt. Sam called me and we decided he needed to cancel their park plans and try to get Banner to the doctor's office, which was just around the corner. Luckily, he caught them before closing early after a few Saturday hours. The doctor did a few mobility tests and then said that she thinks he may have twisted a few ligaments, but otherwise, he seemed okay. She told us to call her on Monday if he was still limping then, to use Motrin for pain, to help him get off of his foot with rest, and "take his lead" when it comes to activity (since kids seem to listen to their bodies better than adults listen to theirs). So, we did. We let him play at the splash park that afternoon at a friend's birthday party. We let him go meet and greet his new soccer coach at the park with his new teammates.

And the next day, he was the same. Although, he was crawling a lot to get around faster and to avoid limping. By the end of the day Monday, when things hadn't improved, we let the doctor know on Tuesday morning. She said we should take him to the radiology clinic to get an X-ray. But, we kept thinking that if he could walk on it, and even jump or run when he wanted, surely he didn't have a broken bone. An X-ray would only be able to tell us that, not that it was sprained or twisted or bruised. So, we didn't really want to unnecessarily spend money on a test that would tell us what we thought we already knew. I even took Banner to the school nurse at his preschool to check it and get her opinion. She agreed it was most likely not broken.

And, lo and behold, when we finally decided to get the X-ray on Wednesday morning (before soccer practice later that day), the X-ray showed no break or fracture, and the radiologist agreed - no break or fracture. So, with that information, we allowed Banner to participate in his first soccer practice that afternoon. He limped through it, like he had everything else since Saturday, and he walked with his toes pointing outward, but he never complained or said he was in pain. We continued to give Motrin to control the very little swelling we were seeing, and we iced it every now and then, but that was it.

Then, Thursday morning came, and when Banner was limping and "cruising" along our furniture the same way he had when he was 9-months-old, we knew soccer practice had been a bad decision. We had been told to call the pediatrician (again) if Banner was still limping on it on Thursday, so we called, and they made a referral to an orthopedist. We kept Banner home from school that day because we really needed him off his foot all day. Keeping an active, rambunctious little boy off his foot is a challenge for anyone - we didn't want to ask his teachers to have to deal with that, so I did (and Grandma did, too!).

Sam made an appointment with an orthopedist who could see us Friday/this morning. I waited at home with Quinn who needed to nap, and an hour after the appointment time, I received this picture via text:

Then, Sam called me, and I answered saying, "Okay, I see the boot. What'd the doctor say?!" He said, "Um, that's not a boot. That's a cast." So, I looked closer, and was immediately confused. He gave me the scoop, including telling me that Banner picked the black cast, what a trooper Banner was, and all the rules for the next four weeks - and the four after that. I still had some questions, so I called the doctor myself, and here's what I learned:

Banner has a (suspected) fracture in his left distal fibula. It was not seen on the X-ray because it's in the growth plate. The orthopedist has the advantage over the radiologist by being able to examine the patient and palpate the ankle. Based on Banner's tender areas and where he pointed that he was hurting, the doctor knows there is a fracture (but it's "suspected" because you can't physically see the fracture). Because the fracture is on the growth plate, Banner will be reevaluated months after his cast is removed to make sure there are no long-term effects. So, for now, we wait and hope that his ankle heals normally. He'll be in a cast for 4 weeks, and at the end of September, he will hopefully have it removed, and then he'll have to "take it easy" for 4 more weeks. (SO... so long soccer for this season. Poor guy was SO excited about starting the sport and learning how to play from Coach David.)

We've only survived one day of the cast, and I can already tell it's gonna be a bitch. I'm hoping Banner can learn to sleep in it, that he can learn to keep the cast shoe on (which helps him walk and keep the cast from breaking), that he won't use it as a weapon much longer, and that he can learn to get his underwear, pants, and shorts on over the cast. Without a shoe on his right foot, he's pretty lopsided and walks very unevenly, so there's that issue, too. And, swim lessons start back up in a couple weeks, and we'll see if we decide to trust the airtight cover that we bought so he can still participate (tonight's bath was quite a fiasco with that thing, so we finally just gave in and gave him a bath in the kitchen sink... while Quinn had the whole bathtub to himself - my, how we've switched places in this house! Seriously - Quinn starts walking, and Banner stops. Banner's in the sink for baths and Quinn's in the big tub!?) But, perhaps the most challenging task will be keeping him out of the sandbox on the school playground! It worries me that he'll get that sand stuck down in that cast for the next month! OUCH!

So, that's the story. Basically, it may be a LONG 4 weeks for this boy - and for his parents, neither of whom ever had to wear a cast! This is all new territory for us, so wish us luck!

miRAcle

I've avoided writing this post for a while because I'm so terrified of "jinxing" my good fortune. But, I also want to reflect a little bit on what I think about every day.

Quinn is almost a year old. I can't believe my baby won't be such a "baby" in a few short weeks. There's plenty more to say about that, but that's for a different post.

Today, I want to talk about how Quinn turning one-year-old makes my body feel and how much I've been reflecting on the past year-and-a-half. I feel amazing. I really do, and not a single day passes when I don't think about what a "miRAcle" my boy is to my body.

Almost exactly 13-months after Banner was born, I had my first RA flare. I didn't know that's what was happening at the time, and I spent a lot of money and time and an unnecessary surgery trying to figure out what the hell was happening in my right knee. A couple months later, I had a diagnosis of "pauciarticular seronegative rheumatoid arthririts." It basically meant that I had rheumatoid (as opposed to osteo-) arthrititis in a few joints even though my blood work was not showing a positive RA factor. My rheumatologist wanted to try anti-inflammatory medications (NSAIDs), but when none of them were helping, he was ready to move to DMARDs - higher power medication (rather than using the drugs that I'd been trying which, as a friend once said, "are like spitting on a fire"). Because those medications are harmful to pregnant women and/or a growing fetus, I was adamant that I shouldn't start these more serious drugs when Sam and I wanted more children - and probably sooner than later. So, with this new knowledge, we began trying to conceive. My doctor gave us 4 months to try to get pregnant before he would insist on starting medication. I was a bit worried about this because we took 5 months to get pregnant with Banner.

We were lucky and got pregnant with Quinn 2 months later. When I visited my rheumatologist again, I was thrilled to tell him I was 10-weeks pregnant! At that time, though, I was still experiencing joint pain and fatigue (although the fatigue was hard to tell if it was due to being pregnant while taking care of an active toddler!). My doctor said that 1 in 3 women start to feel better during pregnancy, and that if I were one of those women, I'd start feeling better at about 14-16 weeks. Thankfully, I was one of those women! Somewhere in that exact window, my body rejoiced by feeling some freedom from joint pain and swelling. And, I kept feeling better and better! Seriously, what pregnant woman feels better the bigger her belly gets? I was feeling so great, and mentally, I was enjoying the freedom it brought. I could play with Banner, get on and off the floor with ease (minus the awkwardness that a growing belly brings). I could bathe him, dress him, lift him... it was amazing.

And, once Quinn came, my body stayed calm! I have weird inflammatory reactions to things every now and then, but my joints are awesome. I'm not flaring, I'm not fatigued, I'm not achy or flu-like. It's truly a miRAcle. :)  But, as the first couple months passed, I worried that my symptoms would return. At a check-up with my rheumatologist when Quinn was only 8-weeks-old, he told me that if the RA were to flare-up again, it usually happens around 14-16 weeks after delivery. So, I waited, terrified, for those weeks to approach, and when they passed without event, I was relieved!

I've been in "remission" for about a year and a half now, and I am beyond grateful that my body is doing well. Even if symptoms return (and God-willing they won't!), I am so appreciative that I've had this long break from the pain. It's awful pain. I remember it well, and I will often think about how my life would be if I were still hurting like that. I "fly" Banner on my feet, and he likes to stand on my hands while I raise him high above me while laying on my back. Quinn likes to come over and roll around on the floor with me after he sees Banner doing these fun things. I am the mommy I want to be. I can run and chase my boys, I can lift them up high, I can dress them, bathe them, get on the floor and be on their level with them. I can take them shopping and not ask for help. I can carry them - both at the same time! - and all of their things. I can dress myself and dry my hair and rock a fussy baby in the middle of the night. But not a moment goes by when I don't appreciate those actions. I do not take them for granted. And, I never will!

Sure, as we approach 13-months postpartum, I worry. My anxiety is raised a bit. I've talked with my doctor about the "what-ifs" and the "if/thens" and he assured me that we can tackle any pain, but that would involve big-time meds. I sincerely hope that is not the case, and I hope I only ever see my doctor again in passing at some store or movie theater ... but, I do worry. My friend, Amanda, over at All Flared Up, was recently published on Healthline, writing about 29 things only someone with RA would understand. Luckily, I don't know a life with a lot of the things on her list because I only suffered with the diagnosis for a short time. But, man, I can empathize, and some of the items on her list, I totally get and am so thankful that I'm not experiencing. I have a new understanding for people with invisible illnesses and constant pain. I was one of them for a while, and I can't help but feel so lucky that I'm not right now. The thought of remission ending makes me terrified. I don't want my boys robbed of the physically-able mom I've become for them! I don't want to go back to that hell I was living in - the hell that my body was.

Sometimes as I rock Quinn at night, I thank him. He brought reprieve to my achy body. He brought peace to the prison that it was. And, even though he's a miracle just by being him and being here, my sweet boy made me a better, healthier mommy for him and for Banner, and for that he's my "miRAcle."
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For more information about RA, visit this post I wrote a while ago, or go to RA Warrior's website (Love her!). And, something I contributed a year ago was published on Health Monitor's website! Check it out! :)

Camp Mommy: August

So, this month was short because school started mid-month, but we did some fun things in the short time we had left of the summer - and with two snotty boys who weren't always feeling well.

Our August started off with a bang - at the Ringling Brothers & Barnum & Bailey circus: Built to Amaze. And it did! Banner has been talking about the circus NONSTOP since our fun time there with Grandma, Uncle Brock, Aunt Mischelle, Brycen, and Nami. We all had a great time, but Banner couldn't get enough and wants to watch YouTube videos of this particular circus every day. He also walks around singing the same songs from the circus: "Build this circus, build it right.... we've got the plans, we've got the blueprints... build it up!" And, he pretends to lead the circus by getting on the fireplace saying, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages..." and then some other words . . . and then "THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH!" Truly, he's obsessed, and he wants to go back immediately. He asks 4-5 times a day when the circus will be back in town and when we can go again. Poor guy, but I'm so thrilled he had such a great time.

Other things we did: had 2 birthday parties, went to Home Depot with Daddy for a fun workshop, had a play date at Anya, Shayna, and Arielle's, went to the rec center with Gretchen, Ryan, and Grandma - then had lunch at Chili's with Grandma, had a FroYo date with Cherie, met Banner's teachers for next year and then met friends at Monster Yogurt, and celebrated Daddy's birthday 3 different times (a family date night near Daddy's office, a brunch at Grandma & Papa's to celebrate Uncle Erick and Aunt Mischelle, too, and a dinner at NaNa & Uncle Paul's to celebrate Zaide's birthday as well). We also had another lesson at Young Chef's Academy with Myka and Shayna, met Casey, Caden, and Everett at the park for some fun playground time, played games and ate great at Gattitown, went to May Dragon with Grandma & Papa (after Banner said, "I want to go to a restaurant to eat dinner, and I want to go with Grandma because I love her so much"), participated in the Back to School Ice Cream Social, and made applesauce muffins to celebrate Back to School! (Yes, we did a lot of "good eatin'" (as Banner says) these past few weeks.) But, perhaps the highlight of this past week was the trip to the Fire Station. We walked up to the nearby station with Randi, Ella, "Ella's Bubbie,"Anya, Shayna, and Arielle to get a tour, and we got to sit in and explore the fire trucks before walking next door for a (distracted) lunch at the McDonald's play area! Banner loved the fire station visit - so much so that he wants to go back daily ("Mommy, I have a great idea! Let's go to the fire station," "Can we go to the fire station after dinner?").

Camp Mommy is officially over - at least until Winter! I'm thankful for a great summer full of fun activities to teach us, entertain us, and keep us busy!

Enjoy some pictures from this final month! :)

Uncle Brock & Banner "clowning" around

Uncle Sammy & Nami

On the floor at the preshow event

One of Banner's favorite parts - the clowns, the truck, the paint

Grandma bought the boys a special toy from "The Greatest Show on Earth!"

Silly Grandma

The last day of camp with Ms. Rachel

Last day of camp with Bree (his "best friend")

Kissin' Cousins

The boys were running around the house chasing each other

Here comes Brycen!

The boys at NaNa & Uncle Paul's

Pretending to go night-night

A little fun at Grandma's house!

Arielle & Quinn

Oh, the fire station!!!

Ella & Banner working out at the fire station

Sweet Ella loves Quinn! (I think the feeling is mutual!)

These three sat there like this on their own. Casey ran over to get the shot - so glad she did!

Banner, Caden, and Everett

Banner's "shy" face

I love this one... listening so intently!

Making tortillas

Silly chefs!

The Start of 5 Days!

Dear Banner,
Tomorrow morning marks the first day of your career as a full-time student. Up until now, you've gone to school or camp only 3-days a week, and we've had lots of time to still play at home and learn new things together. Not that any of that stops tomorrow, but it sure feels like I'm losing more of you! You haven't had a real "break" from school or camp until this past week (since camp started immediately after the last day of school this past June). I was not sure how it would go with a whole week at home after you were used to being entertained outside the house by other people for so long, but honestly, this past week has been awesome. Even though both you and Quinn were snotty and not feeling 100%, we did get out a little, and we had such a great time together. I have loved knowing exactly what you did all day, how you behaved, how you interacted, what you learned, what you said... so forgive me if this reminder of having you home all the time has made me more emotional as I send you off to school every weekday this coming year. Luckily, you'll only be there through lunch, and then we have our afternoons together, but it's still so hard for Mommy to let you go off into the big world on your own.

You met your teachers and most of your classmates on Friday, and it seems to be such a great little group of 3-year-olds. I can't wait to watch some new friendships develop and a love for your new teachers grow. You are looking forward to the school year and being back at "your school." (You have told me this summer a couple of times, "I like camp, but I like my school better.") As Daddy and I took you into the building that morning, you said, "I'm so excited!" You wanted to hold both of our hands, and you even said, "Let's do a family kiss, Mommy and Daddy!" So, we stopped in the middle of the parking lot to press our lips against your cheeks as you grinned a big smile! You were confident - but cautious - as we walked into the building and into your new classroom. We explored the classroom, found your new cubby, took a peek into the bathroom, discovered some fun toys and activities, and introduced you to some new faces. When the hour was up, you said goodbye to the teachers and even asked Ms. Hedy, "Are you going to miss me?" :) She thought that was adorable, and she assured you she would miss you very much over the weekend! As we left Meet the Teacher, you wanted to say hello to Ms. Betty and Ms. Jennifer, and it was both awesome and sad to watch you hug these teachers who mean so much to you. When we got in the car, you told me, "Mommy, I like my new teachers, but I like Ms. Betty and Ms. Jennifer better." I told you it was normal to feel that way since you know them so much better but that, with time, you will grow to feel the same way towards Ms. Hedy and Ms. Florence and about your new experiences with the children in your new class.

I love how much you love your school. You didn't want to leave that morning, and you are excited for a new year. It makes my heart so happy to know you will be at a place you love, a place where people love you and where you feel safe and happy. I hope that feeling never fades!

Of course I will write you more tomorrow telling you all about your first day, but until then, I want to wish you a phenomenal year! I love you so very much, and I am so proud of the little boy you have grown to be! Sweet boy, remember who you are tomorrow and every day thereafter. Remember to use your manners, to share, to include. Remember to clean up after yourself, to listen when the teacher is talking, and to participate. Remember it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay to be wrong... and it's okay to be right! Remember it's okay to be scared, it's okay to be upset, it's okay to be happy and excited - and it's always okay to ask for help. Remember to play fair, to stand up for yourself, and to have fun! Remember Mommy's always here for you, waiting to hear about your daily adventures and lessons, and always praying that God will carry you and hold your precious heart while you, MY heart, walk around outside my body. May you make amazing memories this year. May you be safe and nurtured every step of the way.

Have a wonderful year, Angel Baby!

Love,
Mommy

11-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
I'm going to be oh-so-honest and tell you that I've been dreading 11-months-old for a while. Don't get me wrong: I am thrilled that you are getting older and that my sweet boy is growing. However, I'm so sad that my baby only has one more month of being a "baby." Soon, you'll be a "toddler," and your babyhood will be a distant memory. Being 11-months old is an exciting time, but it's also a time to savor you being less than one year old. This time last year, I was still pregnant, I was apprehensive about how a new baby would change our family, we were preparing for your arrival and going back and forth on names, and we had no idea just how blessed we were about to be by you joining our family! This time NOW, we are so in love with you. You continue to bring joy and happiness to our lives every day. You've had a crummy month being sick so much - again! But, once we figured out what was going on with you each week, we would get you back on track to being that smiley, happy, loving, sweet boy you are.

Honestly, not much has changed since last month with a few exceptions:

-You can stand independently for a long time, and you know you can do it. You test yourself more and more. You are very proud of yourself when you show this skill off, which makes me SO happy. It's always awesome as a parent to watch my child develop confidence and to have a front row seat to watching you gain self-esteem and pride! You do things while standing - like dancing or holding a big ball over your head. Or....

-Clapping!

-You are taking a couple steps on your own. You doubt yourself too much, though, and you often just slowly lower yourself to the floor before allowing yourself to keep stepping. But you SO want to walk! You love cruising around with anything that will serve as a walker: a chair, a toy stroller, even our kiddie table - just pushing it across the room with a big smile on your face.

-You've been sick more days than healthy. You had a cold, another throat infection, an ear infection, and developed eczema this month. (Daddy's even joked that you've been on more meds some days/nights than an elderly person! Zyrtec, Zantac, Tylenol, Motrin, Amoxicillin, Benedryl/Maalox mix, Mucinex, saline spray, VapoRub... you're a crawling pharmacy! But, Dr. B says this is all very "normal" for a second child. I'm so sorry!) And, even though I just took you to Dr. B for your ear infection recheck yesterday and were perfectly healthy, last night you couldn't sleep because you were so congested and then had a drippy nose all day today. Perhaps you're finally getting teeth??

-YOU STILL HAVE NO TEETH!!!!

-You were also diagnosed with laryngomalacia and GERD (reflux) this month. After months and months of loud, congested-sounding breathing, snoring, and gagging while eating table food, I took you to an ENT, Dr. M, who scoped you to see what was going on. Basically, when you breathe, your "breathing pipe is a bit sucked in" unlike a normal breathing pipe that would stay strong and open. Yours is a bit softer than it should be, and you were born this way - but with time, it will improve as the pipe becomes stronger, sturdier, longer, and stiffer. Because the pipe pulls inward, it acts as a pump, pulling stomach acid up - hence the GERD. So, Dr. M put you on Zantac for a few weeks, and since we didn't notice a great deal of improvement, we started Prevacid this morning. We're also using saline spray 3-4 times a day to counter the acid that can irritate your nasal passage. We'll see how the Prevacid works and visit Dr. M at the end of this month to see how you're doing. I will say that after reading up on this, I'm glad we've been putting you to sleep on your tummy since day 3! Maybe mother's intuition? Who knows, but it seems that this position actually helps kids with this condition!

-We started dairy this month, and you love cheese! Not so big on yogurt (or cottage cheese) yet, but we tried it a few times. 

-You play more games - like peek-a-boo and "So Big!"

-You understand so many words: "up," "bottle," "no," "eat," "more," "all done," "water," "cup," "nap," "paci," "high 5," "bye-bye," "hi," Banner," "Mommy," "Dadddy," "Grandma," "toy," "snack," "lunch," "dinner," "lay keppe (head)". . . just to name a few! :)

-You went to your first circus this month, and we celebrated Daddy's birthday yesterday. You've been able to really get down and play at outings this month, too - at Hope Park, at the Splash Park. You are definitely liking your independence!

-But you are also still very clingy and don't want Mommy or Daddy out of sight. You are extremely sweet and affectionate. You like to lay your head down on our shoulder when meeting a new person. You give hugs and kisses, and you love to be held (unless the freezer or dishwasher or dryer is open!).

This coming month will conclude a whole year of firsts - first holidays, first seasons, first meetings of so many people, first smiles and laughs and grasps, first rolls and sits and claps, first tastes and waves and steps! But it's also a year filled with lasts - last midnight bottle, last swaddle, last baby bath, last baby food, last nap in the Moses basket, last "first." And yes, there are still so many firsts and lasts to come, but it's hard for my Mommy heart to let go of you as my "infant." So, yes, I've been dreading this month. I know I'll be nostalgic as we approach your first birthday, and I know I'll be savoring every single day before your big day. But, then again, that's no different than any other day this year - no different than any other day after. I just love you so much, Quinn, and I want you to know how proud you make me. I am so blessed to be your mommy. Thank you for these past 11 months. I'm so looking forward to celebrating your first birthday in a few short weeks, but I'm (not-so-)secretly hoping they go slowly!

Happy 11th, Sweet Love.
I love you so, so much!
Love,
Mommy

You're playing Peek-a-Boo here - sometimes you cover your ears, sometimes your eyes