Comments from Another Mother

I found this great website months ago that allows pregnant women to track their pregnancy in days, to read up on how the baby should be growing, and to read comments from other women who are all due around the same time. I check in every few days to see how the women are doing and what they are experiencing. I'm a little bit of a voyeur, as I don't participate in the postings, but I like to keep up with the women as we "graduate" from one week to the next. It's neat to kind of get to know these ladies and watch them interact with each other. Some of them have had trying pregnancies, some of them ask for advice, some of them talk about their husbands or children, some of them talk about their doctors' appointments or advice they've gotten from their physicians. Early on, it was kind of scary to read as some of the women said goodbye to us with comments like, "My journey ends here," after a miscarriage. Sometimes, I had to make myself stop reading the posts for fear that what happened to these ladies would happen to me. Sometimes, I have felt comforted by their stories, and other times I just enjoy a good laugh about a funny event that they shared.

One woman recently posted a lengthy list of rules that has caught the attention of all the ladies. I thought I'd include it here as a tribute to all moms and moms-to-be. Only one disclaimer: I don't necessarily agree with every single item listed, nor do I experience everything that she lists.

Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn't mean me- then you should probably read this twice.
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is 'Congratulations!' with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you an a$$.
2) Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase 'my baby'.
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.
4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about to pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is 'You look fabulous!'.
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.
7) There is a reason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.
8) Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to 'help out'. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Sincerely,
Pregnant woman

Hmmm... I have mixed opinions about the second half of this posting. I mean, who wouldn't love as much help as they could get? But, on the other hand, I can see why some women would feel annoyed if their homes were being invaded without requesting help. This person mentions on the message board that she has not spoken to her mother-in-law in a couple of years. Apparently, it must have been a pretty horrible situation that she went through with an earlier pregnancy, as you can hear her anger and disapproval. I still found it interesting to read, as I've heard many women experience such invasion of privacy and frustration with family and friends. Again, I'm not saying I've been through this - although I find relief in posting rule #4, 5, and 6! :) I will say, also, that I have an amazing mother and mother-in-law who are quite helpful, and I welcome their help (and some of their advice) and adoring coos for my baby. What do you all think about the woman's post?