Dear Leslie (11)

 Dear Leslie,

There are two events in my adult life that, without a doubt, should not have happened. It was not in the plan. It was not supposed to be this way or happen the way it did. I won't go into one of those here, but your death is definitely the other event. That was NOT supposed to happen. You were supposed to meet your grandkids. You were supposed to have holidays and birthdays with them. You were supposed to annoy me wanting to see them all the time or wanting to babysit when I thought you were too loopy to do such a thing. THAT was the plan. You were supposed to call late at night to talk Sam's ear off - or mine - saying all kinds of things that we'd roll our eyes at. You were supposed to beg the kids to come over or show them off to all your friends. You were supposed to drop by unexpectedly even when I was in the midst of putting the kids to bed only to rile them up and prolong the experience. You were supposed to stand on the bimah with us at the bar mitzvahs and cry happy tears of remembering when your little boy was going through his bar mitzvah. THAT was the plan. You were supposed to watch Sam's success and kvell at the growth of his law firm. You were supposed to tell us about the latest movies you've seen and which ones we just have to see. You were supposed to stand with us at Miles' graduation and light up from ear to ear with pride and joy. 

All of these things happen in my mind, because that's what was supposed to happen. You aren't supposed to be gone, and it was a huge mistake that it happened the way it did. It's obvious that your death has taught us all to savor the moment, to expect the unexpected, to know we can't take anything for granted, to be grateful for what we have here and now, to never know what is coming, and to know that even if it's not supposed to be this way, we have no control over what actually unfolds. 

Like every year I've told you in the past, we take you along. We imagine what life would be like with you here, and we feel your presence even when you're not physically there. I can't help but know just how you would smile, laugh, or poke fun. I can't help but know what your response would be to something. It's both a blessing and a curse to know how you'd be so angry about some of the things that have gone down lately, too.

Banner and Quinn have been especially sad at random times this year, saying they wish they had gotten to know you. Sam found the speech you gave at his bar mitzvah earlier this year. I took some of the words and put them into a letter that we wrote to Banner upon giving him his prayer book for his bar mitzvah. As I told him those words on the bimah with all his Sunday School peers, he broke into tears knowing how special that was. Of course, he also got mad at me, "Why'd you have to do that!?" You're very special to both of them, even if they never really knew you. The loss they feel is real, but I love that they can voice it to us. 

Like I said, that's not the way it was supposed to be. Yet, here we are 11 years later. The boys are always excited for Halloween, ready to dress up, decorate the house, trick-or-treat with friends, and eat tons of candy. There are pumpkins to carve, patches to visit, and lots of fun activities at school this time of year. Looking at the calendar, we usually just see "Halloween" on October 31, but then it sneaks up and whacks us in the face that it's yet another year without you. It was not supposed to be this way.

Missing you always, and promising yet again to do my best to make each day a beautiful day for your boys,

Amber

Sukkot Shenanigans 2022

Silly Sukkah

We were honored to have some of our favorite rabbis join us for a night of silliness this first night of Sukkot. We enjoyed their company while eating spaghetti tacos, meatloaf cupcakes, broccoli and tomato pops, funny face fruit, gravity-defying fruit juice, and pizza cake. Quinn shared some silly jokes, the boys wore some very silly clothing, and we all shared silly stories throughout the night. Our hearts (and bellies) are full to have shared the evening with such lovely friends who have been a part of our lives for such a long time and in quite meaningful ways.

____-Sukkah

I was challenged to create a sukkah theme by one of Sam’s friends to represent the circle of friends in their specific group that was borne from losing elections. This chat group got titled a strange name, one I cannot disclose, but I did accept and meet the challenge to include all members of the group by eating foods that represented each person. That’s all I’m allowed to tell you.

Potluck Song Sukkah

We invited our family to be creative with us and select food items for our meal that represented songs. Each song was also added to a play list we enjoyed in the sukkah. It was quite the assortment of songs and an amazing spread of food! Our family knows how to party! It was chaotic but fun! Too many songs to list out here, so see for yourself!

Medieval Times Sukkah

“On this fourth night of Sukkot, in that great hut at the castle of Lady Pierce and Lord Johnson, we were accompanied by the houses of Cobbel and Acks. The feast was prepared and presented to our guests, whose decades-long alliance we celebrated with tales of recent quests and regaled stories of days long past. While the royal courts ate and drank, our posterity consumed and then retreated to the latter half of the land outside. A great time was had by all even without the knights of the realm to entertain us this eve.” -Lord Johnson

Fancy Sukkah

After last year’s holiday, Quinn came up with the idea to do a fancy night in the sukkah, so we planned to do it this year. As Sukkot approached, the boys had the idea to each ask a special someone to join them. This seemed like the perfect night to invite them. Sam and I waited on these three sweet couples as they dined by candlelight, listened to soft tunes, and enjoyed a lovely meal together.

Throwback: Puppy Sukkah

In 2018, we had a Puppy Sukkah but no puppy. Of course, I never could have imagined I’d ever say “yes” to being a dog owner - because who wants to take that on!? But here we are, just two days shy of a full year with Tova, so it seemed fitting to redo this theme… the only theme we’ve ever repeated. Since Sam and Quinn are out of town, it was a small gathering, but our guest of honor was our own special puppy. Pupperoni pizza, kibble, puppy chow, Pupsi, dog bones, and water bowls… not the most nutritious, but a perfect Friday night dinner after a long, crazy week. After dinner and after Tova signed the sukkah, we took her to her favorite place: the dog park. Beautiful weather, breezy and cool, perfect for letting everyone get their energy out!

Percussion Sukkah

In honor of Banner’s first year in band, we had all things percussion tonight and shared time in the sukkah with the Marrones since Levi is also a first-year percussionist. Triangles, bell peppers, piano sandwiches, carrot and celery sticks, xylophone cakes and mallets, kettle(drum) corn, spoons, tuning forks, and Drumsticks, then loud boys with loud instruments, followed by a calm Havdalah in the sukkah. Whew! What a week! I am not cooking for another week at least. Mama tired! But what a great week it’s been!