Dear Leslie (10)

Dear Leslie, 

And so it happened. An entire decade has come and gone without you in it. Today, while we go about our daily activities and plans for a fun-filled Halloween night, your absence is still heavy. Last night, Vicki planned an evening to honor your memory after missing you for 10 years. You would have loved having everyone together - all laughing, chatting, playing. Sam and Vicki organized a memorial video that moved everyone, but what I loved about it was having Quinn and Knox see all these photos of you throughout your life. I knew everyone in the photos, but they have no idea who so many of the people are/were. I watched them watch it, and I watched them see their Daddy at their ages with his Mommy. I watched them see how much you look like their Aunt Gayle and their NaNa who both look so different yet both resemble you so much but in different ways. They hear about you all the time, and they have seen photos of you, but the seeing you with so many people who loved you, in my opinion, made them realize just how many people loved you and how much they miss out on not having you in their lives. Later in the evening, once we got home, Quinn came to me privately with tears in his eyes and said, "Mommy, I am sad for two reasons: one, because Bubbie died, and two, because I never got to meet her." He sobbed into my shoulder for a bit, and I held him. I reminded him that he is named after you, that his Hebrew name, Matan Lev, honors the memory of my grandfather (Manny) and you, Leslie. It means "giving," and "heart." 

Later, Banner who had been crying also, said he was sad that so many people were sad. He cried (on that same - now very wet - shoulder) telling me he's sad that Miles misses you so much and that he himself didn't get to know you. Again, I rocked my boy, the only one of my babies you got to meet. It was just over 10 years and 3 months ago when he wailed as we tried to figure out what was wrong. You were all smiles and laughter watching your son be a dad and have no idea what the hell he was doing. His frustration (and mine) were not what you saw. I can still see you in our old living room giddy and full of glee. You saw your baby with your new grandbaby. You saw payback. You saw that the wailing was no big deal in the big scheme of things. You saw something you didn't know you'd hardly ever see again. While I believe I would have acted differently if I were you, I have come to see that memory differently now. I only remember you being joyful with Banner. And that's what I can share with him. 

I don't have much to share with you that I haven't already told you in previous letters, except I caved and let your son get a dog! We are dog owners... I know you never would have believed that would happen! Tova is precious, and you would adore her. She's 12 weeks old, and she is so loving and sweet, but she also keeps us very much on our toes and forever busy! 

Speaking of busy, that is exactly how I'd describe life right now. Between Sam, the boys, Tova, our jobs, our house, and all the extracurriculars that come along with raising kids, I feel like we are always on the go. Life is full, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We count our blessings and know how lucky we are. But, we still miss you, and we wish you were here. We bring you along in ways we can, and there are (weirdly) ample opportunities for Sam to tell awkward "dead mom jokes" as he calls them. If you heard them, I'm sure you'd laugh them off and then tell him, "You're grounded."

I'll leave you with some photos of our night last night, remembering and honoring you. As always, I want to thank you for your son, for the gift he is to me and our boys. I promise to do my best, as I've told you before, to make every day a beautiful day. 

Loving you always,

Amber

More Sukkot Shenanigans

2021

Mispronounce It Sukkah! We were honored to have the grandparents join us for our first night in the (very hot) sukkah this year! Completely designed by my boys, this sukkah features foods that were once (or continue to be) mispronounced. The boys still love to laugh at how they used to say these foods (farshfellows for marshmallows, lemolade for lemonade, oogoogles for noodles, lemanos for Milanos, Chi-fil-a, aminal, psgetti, cimmanin, N-a-Ms, canpakes, and so on). Blue tags are for #bannerboone’s mispronounced foods, burgundy for #quinnredding, and green for #knoxmorgan. We even ate on (Quinn’s) “wellow” plates! As Knox says, “Halleyulah!” It’s finally sukkah time!!

Toy Sukkah! Our nephews/cousins, Miles and Colby, and friend, Caitlyn’s, joined us in the sukkah tonight for a toy-themed dinner featuring Dominoes (pizza), Strawberry (Shortcake), corn (poppers), Potato (Head), Cabbage (Patch Doll), Pound (Puppy) Cake, and Cookie (Play) Dough on Lego plates. Hearts and bellies are full! Each year, we ask our guests to sign the sukkah. Miles got prime real estate on the top of the structure since he is so tall! We also loved comparing the shoe sizes of our kindergartner and our senior! 

Idiom Sukkah! Quinn came up with tonight’s theme months ago and didn’t need to butter me up to get his way!  He really used his noodle! I could just eat him up! We loved having Uncle Marc, Aunt Debbi, and Natalie break bread with us! We got to have our cake and eat it too while learning about these expressions. A cloud 9 cake, candy from a baby, bigger fish to fry, spilled beans, (not so) cold turkey, silver platters, and eggs in a basket were just a few items in our spread. Sorry if this is too cheesy, but I’m proud of my boy, and that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. - The One in the Sukkah! It’s Thursday night… Friends Night… so of course we invited the friends I’ve had for decades to join us tonight! We missed a few who couldn’t make it, but what a fun night this was. I’ve been excited about this potluck idea since right after our Friends Reunion in June. We had lasagna, Rachel’s special trifle (with a layer of “meat sautéed with peas and onions”), mashed potatoes (3 different kinds because that’s how Monica does it), Joey’s “Mmmm, Noodle Soup,” Ross’s turkey sandwiches with the “moist maker” thanks to Gretchen, Nestle Toulouse cookies and Monica’s “special” salad thanks to Bari, Mama’s Little Bakery cheesecake thanks to Cherie, hot mockolate, and even drank “the fat!”

On the Map Potluck Sukkah! We invited our friends to bring a dish (or two or three) whose name represents a location. We had Texas chili, Israeli salad, Belgian waffles, Fuji apples, Lima beans, American salad with French, Italian, & Greek dressings, Oaxaca, Monterey, & Swiss cheeses, Kentucky fried chicken, New York cheesecake, and Baked Alaska. The kids wore shirts with locations too: Grand Cayman, Israel, New Mexico, Texas, and Memphis. The kids were playful (and loud), the conversation was deep, the weather was amazing, and the company was heartwarming!

“I arranged the menu, the venue, the seating” in our….. Wait for it… wait for it… Hamilton Sukkah! This is the sukkah “where it happens,” and “if you don’t know, now you know!” Sam grilled Aaron BURRgers, I cut up 3 Fundamental Fruits, cooked some (It Must Be) Rice, & made a “World Turned Upside Down” Cake, the Pierce crew brought Satisfried Chicken, and we set out some Guns & Chips, some “History Has Its Fries On You,” some Blow (Us All Away) Pops, and (I Am Not Throwing Away My) Shots. I can’t tell you “how the sausage gets made,” but the the only thing missing from our kosher sukkah was A.Ham. We loved watching the movie, singing along with the music, and chatting & playing together. “One last time”… Happy Sukkot!