Dear Leslie (8)

Dear Leslie,
This morning, I logged in to Facebook (yes, that's still very much a thing), and this photo popped up immediately. It was Banner's first Halloween. It was an infant play date we hosted at our house - only blocks from yours. It was a fun, silly time for these sweet babies, and it was filled with lots of picture taking and babies exploring each other and being overwhelmed with their ridiculous costumes. Banner was Swee'Pea that year. It was going to be our first-ever family Halloween costume ... with Sam as Popeye and me as Olive Oyl. Without our full ensemble, though, Banner looked absolutely ridiculous, and no one had any idea who he was supposed to be. Now I can laugh at that - but at the time, I was annoyed because it was such a cute idea gone terribly wrong. Soon, my frustration at his awful costume would be completely forgotten, as the news of the day would just shatter our evening plans and our hearts into a million pieces.

Every time I see this photo, those are the memories that I think about. The laughs, the cute-gone-wrong costume, the friends we had over, the excitement of babies' first Halloween and their adoring young mommies, and then, the inevitable call that would turn the day dark fast. Gayle screaming in the phone that her mom was dead, trying to get in touch with Sam, thinking this was a horrible prank on Halloween and wondering why you couldn't just treat us instead of trick us, and not knowing what the hell was really going on. It's clear as day in my mind. Thinking about it now, I'm immediately in my den at Darion. I'm holding the black wireless landline phone. My mind is numb to the news I'm completely in denial about. This is what this photo brings to mind now. 

And then it flashes forward to tonight with these little boogers you'd completely adore.

They are hilarious, silly, loud, affectionate, and insanely brilliant. And I'm not just saying those things as their mom... they really are all of those things. Each one of them in his own unique way. How I would LOVE to see how you would love them each! 

Now, to be fair, I want to tell you something I've never told you before. On that fateful Halloween 2011, I had enjoyed my time with my girlfriends who were my mom tribe that first year of motherhood. I complained about you. We were all bitching about our mothers-in-law, and you were no exception. I don't recall the exact details of what I said, but it wasn't exactly something I'd want you to hear me saying; and later that night I cried to those same girls, telling them how sorry I was for having spoken ill of you and how horrible I was feeling for voicing my frustrations and annoyance with the little things that I struggled with. Your quirks and weirdness just annoyed me from time to time, and to be honest, I've come to know that I wasn't alone in my feelings. However, I've also come to know that your idiosyncrasies are the same things that made you lovable and memorable. It is those things that make others you left behind feel so connected to you. We know what you would say or what you would do or how you would react because you were so perfectly YOU and didn't give a crap what anyone thought. You were loud, silly, opinionated, talkative, and loving, and many times all at once.

But, 8 years later, time continues to march on without you. Your influence continues, though, as I've told you in letters past. No one shies away from using your name in our house, and the boys are very aware of you. We even make what Sam refers to as "dead-Mom jokes" that often leave others uncomfortable and awkward. You know, talking about how much my mom helps with the kids, and "why can't your mom lift a finger to help!?" See? Awkward and weird, but it makes us laugh and helps make you part of the everyday conversation still. We joke and we include you in our own way. Yet, there are times when I wish I could ask you about Sam as a young boy, or how you would have handled some of his behaviors -- because Lord knows these boys did not get their devious ways from ME! :) I wish Sam's memory of his youth were better; I wish I could pick your brain. But, I can't, and these are the times that make me even sadder that you're not around.

So, Halloween has come and gone yet again, and that means another year without you has passed. Sam asked me this evening if the boys even know that you died on Halloween. I don't think they do. How would they? It's not the first thing I think about anymore on this day. My thoughts are about how to make this day great for them. The breakfasts with toast or pancakes shaped like ghosts, bats, or black cats, the costumes ready to go for the post-dinner meet-up with friends, and the candy baskets ready to be filled to the brim with sugar and chocolate. You are now an after-thought, and I don't mean that in a negative way. I mean that we have moved on to a happier place. Time and space have helped us. We don't focus on your death. We focus on your life, we focus on our memories, our stories. I have a feeling that's exactly what you would want. So, even though I look at that photo of Banner's first Halloween and have bittersweet feelings, I am grateful for all the Halloweens that have come since then, the memories that we continue to make and the days that followed that we take you along with us for the ride, even if we wish it could be more. 

Missing you always and keeping my promise to try to make every day a beautiful day,

Amber

Aluminum Anniversary: 10 Years!

As I'm writing this blog post, we are in the middle of the Caribbean on a cruise just Sam and me. It's been amazing, and it's only day 2! I wanted to start this post while we are here to look back at the last couple of weekends when we celebrated our 10th anniversary. I cannot believe it's been 10 years already... it's gone by in a flash. At the very same time, I can't believe it's ONLY been 10 years of marriage. Sam and I started our first stretch of dating in 1998, so this November makes 21 years of having the other in our lives as more than just friends. We've been together longer now than we haven't been, so to only be celebrating 10 years of marriage feels strange. But, that's where we are... 10 years. 10 years filled with laughter, with sadness, with silent treatments, with family and friends, with pregnancies and parenting, with little boys and all their things, with jobs and career decisions, with loss and mourning, but mostly with lots of love and joy.

We've had this cruise booked for 9 months now, so it was a surprise to me on the morning of our anniversary (September 6th), I woke up to find an envelope propped up on my bathroom faucet. It was addressed to My OTL (One True Love). Inside, there was an eloquent invitation and itinerary for the evening into the next day. Sam had arranged for the boys to go to my mom's for the night while we spent the night at the hotel where we were married. When we got to our hotel room, there was the most beautifully-wrapped gift laying perfectly across the pillows on the bed. I had a hard time wanting to even open it due to how gorgeously wrapped it was. But, I did, and inside was a canvas wrap of the musical arrangement of our wedding song: When You Love Someone. So amazing. I had not put as much thought and preparation into the gifts I gave to Sam that night, mostly because we had already planned this big trip to celebrate and we aren't big on gift giving. I had packed a 6-pack of beer since the traditional 10th anniversary gift is aluminum. I also gave Sam the most recent photo of us in a frame lined with aluminum foil. After the gifts, we had an amazing dinner at Capital Grill. We ate SO much food! Then, we went back to the hotel to watch the video Sam had made this year.

For those of you who don't know, on our first anniversary, I made Sam a video documenting our first year together. At the time, it was a surprise. The second year, I surprised him again, because he didn't anticipate that I'd do that again. After two years in a row, we decided to make the anniversary a yearly tradition, so... true to form, I created a tradition that requires a great deal of work and energy and attention and now wonder "what did I get myself into" every year. This being a big anniversary, I told Sam it would be so nice if HE would make the video after 9 years of ME doing it. He obliged last September, and he took the challenge on VERY well. He was super excited to share his work of art with me after dinner that night, and his work did not disappoint! He added in special effects I had never used before, and he captured our year so well. The songs, the photos, the editing- it was all great! He gained a new appreciation for the work I had put in all those years before, and now we have a plan to switch off every other year.

The following morning, we slept in, ate a nice brunch at the hotel, and then went to pick up the boys after running a few errands for Quinn's upcoming birthday party. That evening, we got to show the boys the anniversary video, which they also look forward to each year. I love watching them get so excited about seeing their special memories, seeing themselves, or dancing to the songs that become our family's greatest hits each year. They get excited to show the rest of the family our video, too.

We invited everyone the following weekend to come see Sam's finished product, and as in years past, we got to share with our village how much they mean to us and how much joy they have brought to us. Avery said, after viewing the video, it's just as fun for everyone else to watch some of the things THEY have done with us this year.  Then, we ate dinner, chatted, and played.

Throughout the next week, we just prepared for the cruise - telling the boys about our vacation, getting everything organized and our amazing help lined up, and getting excited about being back on the ocean. As our embarkation date approached, though, I have to say, I was getting anxious about leaving the boys for such a long time. One whole week away from three little boys is a LONG time. As a parent, you're never "off-duty," and the days and nights can be exhausting as you are constantly needed for some reason. We've been looking forward to a "break" - to sleep, to stay out late, to sleep in, to cater to OUR needs, to be served dinner and not have to cook it, to not hear the whining about what I've requested, to sleep, to rest, to veg out. But, as I stated above, you're never off-duty as a parent, so those worries, fears, and anxieties about being away are always on the back of my mind.

Leaving my boys behind was not easy, and I had some weird thoughts that left me wanting to prepare every little thing before I left - including letting my mom know where our will and our life insurance policies were. Luckily, as soon as we were on the plane, those weird thoughts vanished and I was able to be in the moment. We had such an amazing time - minus the odd drive to the airport with the Uber driver who played loud explicit music and kept the windows down the whole time... which was especially awkward when he picked us up at 6:30am on a Sunday morning in our suburban neighborhood. Poor Banner must have heard it, as he ran downstairs and out the front door to say goodbye to us when we tried to sneak out noiselessly. But I digress... we had a blast. Easy flight, easy transfer to the ship, and the whole week was so enjoyable to just be away from reality.

Our itinerary changed a bit to accommodate the hurricanes headed for two of our originally scheduled ports. We were supposed to go to St. Maarten and St. Thomas, but we were rerouted to Mexico instead (Cozumel and Costa Maya). We weren't thrilled about this change since we'd specifically flown to Florida to go to new destinations we'd never been to before, but we made the most of it and enjoyed the ship anyway. By far our favorite port, though, was Perfect Day at Coco Cay in the Bahamas. We went to the beach and just relaxed, people watched, ocean watched, and enjoyed an easy day of lounging and lunching. I went to use the restroom and Sam waited for me on a hammock he found nearby. I found him after, just swaying and relaxing. I joined him, and I have NEVER been more relaxed or stress-free. It was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! It became the bar to which we measured everything later in the trip: "This ensaymada is amazing. It's no hammock, but it's amazing." Speaking of ensaymada... oh my goodness. We asked for some one night from our head waiter in the middle of our trip. Every night after he brought us a plate - until we told him no more; our bellies couldn't handle the yumminess after three nights! He was shocked we even knew what this Filipino bread was (we had learned about it on the cruise we took with the boys last year), and he couldn't get over the fact that we loved it so much!

My phone died - like literally wouldn't charge - half-way through our vacation. So, I don't have as many photos as I originally thought I would, BUT that was a good thing probably. I was more in the moment and not worried about capturing the images. Here's what I did get with Sam's phone (below). The last picture shows just how many trivia games we participated in. We like trivia, what can I say? :) What a fantastic trip we took! I can't thank our caretakers enough for allowing us to get away and know our boys were in good hands: Grandma, BeeBee, Avery, NaNa, Big Boss, Aunt Kira, and all of those who were on standby for us: Becca, Amanda, Cherie, and more family. When we got home, the boys were super excited to share with us all the things they got to do and what a different type of school-week they had. Lots of hugs and kisses awaited, and back in time to celebrate Rosh Hashanah and a new year ahead.

Leaving Florida

Bahamas

BEST HAMMOCK EVER

We saw an iguana creeping along while we relaxed on the hammock.

Sam got an All Access Tour - control room

Sam went to Costa Maya by himself - I had no interest in leaving the ship

I went down this 10-story slide: The Ultimate Abyss

I skinned my knee inside of it, but it was fun!

Then, I went Rock Climbing on board

Ensaymada

The last couple nights, Sam got two entrees because why not!?

On our balcony

American Flag Cake

We did a lot of TRIVIA games.

Sam, I love you so much and am so grateful that we had this amazing anniversary. I loved our alone time, I loved our together time, I loved our family time, I loved how we carved out chunks of time to celebrate us. Thank you for the trip, the video, our fancy dinner, our night at the hotel, and all the thought you put in to this milestone anniversary. Here's to 10 more! ;)

Camp Mommy & Summer 2019

Today is the first official day of fall. That means summer is officially over. But our summer ended over a month and a half ago, so yes, I'm very late in blogging about our summer adventures. But, that doesn't mean they weren't amazing. Every summer, planning for camps and activities can be daunting and expensive! But, I want to get the most out of the time my kids are out of school and all mine! I also don't want to lose my mind with three active, rivaling, screen-obsessed, "what are we doing today?!" little boys. So, in order for me to function during the summer, I have to have a plan. That planning usually starts in January or February when camp fees are due, when I'm looking ahead at the following school year and submitting pre-school applications and already "calendaring" for the year ahead. May, June, July, and August calendars are printed and become my "lesson plan book" for the summer, and I slowly fill in the squares with what I think the boys and I will enjoy. And, slowly, I get excited about the summer that inevitably takes way too long to get here and passes all too quickly.

So, maybe writing about it makes it officially over, and that makes me annoyed. We only have so many summers with our babies before they are grown, and I want them to look back at their childhood summers as the best! I want them to remember the friendships they made, the camps they experienced, the laughs in the sun, the memories Mommy helped make. And, I think this summer accomplished that goal.

Banner's summer was filled with camps. He wanted to do a little bit of everything, and each camp became his favorite. He started at SIGS (Summer Institute for Gifted Students) taking classes called Simulations, Galleries are Great (art), and A Minute of Your Time (not entirely sure what this one is, but I think they created a lot of presentations online). He loved these mornings of creativity with old friends from school and new friends around the school district. Then, he went to Creek Camp at Plano Heritage Farmstead Museum. They explored the creek every day for a week. They got dirty, played games, created skits, learned new songs, and never wanted to leave! Then, the first week of July, Banner was with me all week. We went to various places around town and spent some quality time together: Adventure Landing (mini golf, arcade, laser tag, go carts, and bumper boats), saw Pokemon: Detective Pikachu (which I actually really enjoyed - getting a chance to learn about his favorite trading card game characters), Hawaiian Falls, Urban Air (favorite memory is rock climbing while facing each other through the clear plexiglass), and Lunar Golf and Chili's (Daddy came too). The next two weeks, he went to Levine camp where he got to sign up for his choice of activities. He adored his time back at his old pre-school but this time as a big kid. And he ended his summer with 10 days at sleep-away camp at Greene Family Camp. He was anxious as the days approached for his first time away, but he had a blast as part of Hadera (his bunk), and within the week of his return, he asked that I sign him up for camp again next year for three and a half weeks - and to do it soon so spaces don't fill up! :) In the few days following camp, Banner and I had a couple extra days for just us. I loved taking him to Ripley's Believe It or Not. We loved the wax museum and the mirror maze! He also got to spend some time with Aunt Kira and Damon at Chuck E. Cheese and at the splash pool near Aunt Mischelle & Uncle Brock's house. He loved that time helping with Damon. And, as Mommy headed back to work, all three boys enjoyed some time at Elevate Gymnastics.

Quinn's summer was also perfect! He got two extra weeks at his preschool after Celebration, and this time he got to spend it with his little brother upstairs with him. Those two weeks were broken up with a Camp Mommy sandwiched in between. Quinn and I went to Color Me Mine, baked one of his Rad*Dish recipes, volunteered our time with Brighter Bites and the Wee Volunteers (Banner came too), bought a snow cone at TC Shaved Ice then enjoyed it at Hope Park where we also played on the splash pad, and went to Peppa Pig World of Play with Damon and Levi. He also got to enjoy a special play date at Aunt Kira's house while I had to go to a Leadership meeting. After that second week of Anshai camp, Quinn started his third summer at Camp Gan Izzy. He loved his time with Chaya'le and Zelda in Bunk 5 - going on field trips, swimming at the Texas Pool twice a week, and making lots of memories with old and new friends. This was his first time as the big brother there. He never once complained this summer about going, and he was bummed when it was over. He's looking forward to a winter break there already! Towards the end of summer, Quinn got to do a couple of fun dates with us. The first was to Medieval Times where we cheered on the Blue Knight (who would inevitably lose). The second was the day before starting Kindergarten; we went to Thunderbird to teach Quinn to skate for the first time.

Knox's summer introduced him to a whole new schedule - one with no naps. It was his first time to be in an upstairs class at Anshai for two weeks, and then he had his turn with me at Camp Mommy. We started our week at the Dallas Zoo and got to see so many animals up close (a lioness even charged toward the glass we were standing near which frightened Knox to not want to stay to hear the zookeeper's talk we were waiting on). On Tuesday, when Quinn was out of camp for an unexpected camp closure, we all went to Cheeky Monkey's for the first time after Banner was out of SIGS with Levi and Damon. Wednesday, we went to Play Street in Frisco. On Thursday, we met out-of-town friends Mary and Jack at Safari Run, and then we went to story time at the library before having a swim "party" at Grandma's with all the cousins. And, Friday, we enjoyed an open gym at Palaestra. Then, it was time to start Camp Gan Izzy the next week! The first day was chaotic and unorganized, but once the classes settled in, the toddler groups were much better planned for, and Knox loved being a part of Bunk 2. He loved his counselors, Morah Terissa and Morah Deanne. They were fantastic, and Knox truly enjoyed being at camp with Quinn and Levi.

Any breaks in between structured camp times were spent: swimming at Grandma & Papa's house, swimming with the Marrone boys, fishing on Zaide's boat, celebrating so many summer birthdays (Banner's, Mommy's, Daddy's, Caden's, Zaide's, Hayla's, Damon's just to name a few), enjoying Father's Day at Big Boss's, Zaide's, and Papa's houses, spending July 4th with family, food, and fireworks at Zaide's and Aunt Jacque's houses, celebrating the end of soccer season at a swim party, playing at the gym while Mommy and/or Daddy worked out, playing with new birthday gifts, and and packing Banner for camp. We went to Epic Waters in Grand Prairie, Blase Family Farm to pick blueberries, Frisco Safety Town to learn safety rules and drive around the cutest little neighborhood in toy jeeps, Little Elm Beach to swim and play in the sand, the movie theater to see The Lion King, Aladdin, & Toy Story 4, and the Fish Park for three Kindergarten play dates to meet Quinn's new classmates. We awaited workers to finish our laundry room expansion, got a couple haircuts, survived a bee sting in Banner's tush while swimming at Grandma's, earned new belts in karate, napped in cars exhausted from the summer heat, monitored Daddy's garden and awaited pumpkins, corn, watermelon, and carrots, checked the mail daily for news from Banner at camp, had swim lessons at Emler, gave piano lessons a try, participated in the pajama party at Chick-fil-A, found a frog in Grandma's pool, did experiments with Daddy, built a boom box radio, made chewing gum, and met our teachers for the school year!

Whew! It was BUSY, but it was so fun and so worth the planning and the running around! I cannot wait till next summer! Just three seasons to go!