Mother's Day '15

Mother's Day was already nearly 3 weeks ago, and I am just getting a chance to write about it! Ah! What a great weekend it was! It started out at Banner's school with his class Shabbat performance. Here he is with his teachers, giving them the flowers from his class, looking like such a gentleman!

After their little presentation, the parents were invited back to the classroom to receive cute gifts from the kids. All the kids handed their Mommies their masterpieces. Weeks earlier, we had been asked to send in an old shoe our kids no longer wore. I had no idea what they'd be doing with it, but I figured it would be something I'd want to keep. SO... I sent a shoe from the pair Banner ended the 2's in, started the 3's in, and wore often during the time he had a cast on this year. It made me feel a bit nostalgic, and I'm glad I picked the one I did! Here's his creation:

Then, on Saturday night, I was really excited to spend a special evening with my mom, Brock, and Kira - just the four of us. Before I left the house, Sam asked me when was the last time the four of us had gone to dinner (or spent any time together) just the four of us. I said, "Never." At least not since we lived in the Alto Caro house have we all been out "just us," just Mom and her 3 babies. So, it was very special to be able to spend that time together, and we decided we need to do that more often! We decided to go to Ruggeri's, an Italian restaurant that my Grandma liked - so in some small way, she was there in spirit, too! We talked and talked about a lot of stuff. It was therapeutic, meaningful, and long. . . we closed the place down! :)

On Sunday morning, we headed over to my mom's house to celebrate Mother's Day with everyone. It's always fun when these 5 little boys get to play together and make a chaotic ruckus. Right when nap time started for Quinn, Caden & Mara made a surprise appearance to say Happy Mother's Day to Grandma. It was such a nice surprise, and I'm grateful to their mama for letting them pop over to spend some time with Grandma (and everyone else, too!).

I'm so grateful, every day, to be a mother to my precious boys and to have a precious mother to still mother me! Motherhood is the biggest challenge I've ever experienced, and it enriches, teaches, fulfills, pushes, perplexes, and inspires me daily. And, I know I'm blessed to walk along side so many other amazing mothers through this journey. This day is always hard without my mother-in-law - we're always thinking of her and wishing she could be here. That void is huge, and it goes without saying that we feel her presence fiercely on Mother's Day. As in years past, I always take a few (okay, many) moments to "talk" to her - thanking her for her son, for raising him well and to be the father he is, for being his mommy forever, for being a "mom" to me for so many (but too few) years. We definitely take her along with us every day!

Here's to yet another amazing Mother's Day - and to making every day Mother's Day!

Accurately capturing the reality of motherhood

Poor Quinn - nap time could NOT wait any longer!

My cards and gifts (love the journal from Brock & Mischelle)! As you may have guessed, I've already written a response to many prompts in there! :)

20-Month Newsletter: Quinn

Dear Quinn,
I think this past month has been the most pivotal in all of your development this year. (I'd say in your whole life, but those first few months are pretty remarkable how much a baby changes, so I can't say your whole life, but ... definitely this month has seen a great deal of maturation!) Your vocabulary and "big kid-ness" are in full force! You're attempting to put words together, you say "yeah" a lot of the time, and you are asserting your preference for things. Your personality has truly come shining through this month, and I LOVE IT!

-You got a new bottom molar on the left, and I'm pretty sure the right one is working on its debut.

-We turned your car seat around to face forward. I wanted to wait longer, but I don't think you would have been very comfortable for much longer. We turned Banner around at 20-months, and we decided to go ahead with you at 19-months. Your legs were just so cramped, and I know you are much happier facing forward now. Those first few days were so funny; you were just quiet and staring at everything as you took in this new perspective in the car.

-Some new words we heard this month: "world" (and you like to fill in the blanks when we read What a Wonderful World to you), "wah-er," (instead of "wawa"), "monkey," (and sometimes still "muhmek" when you forget how to say it right), "loud," "noise," "stuck," "bird," "under," "walk," "outside" (ow-side), "noodle," "berries," "hurt," "cheese," "Jell-O," "spoon," "fork," "bite,""peacock," "zebra," "bubble," "shoes," "blue," "red," "purple," "yellow," "restaurant" (more like "restaunt") "go," "elbow," "work," "school," "bread," and some of my favorites: "book," "read!" (I also love when you say "go," because you're doing it to tell me to move the car. I'll be at a red light, and you'll say, "GO!" or if I don't reverse out of my parking spot immediately: "Go!" and I have to explain why I'm not moving the car yet.)

-You don't always get the colors correct, but you are very interested in trying to name them! Most everything is "blue", but you do know which words are color words. The jury is still out in knowing if you have Daddy's color blindness. I'm really hoping you don't!

-You have a thing for shoes - our shoes. You love to walk around in Mommy or Daddy's shoes, and you get pretty frustrated when you can't quite turn them the right way or walk for a long time in them . . . although, you're getting pretty good at doing so! We think it's the cutest thing - mostly because you're so serious about it and will just be standing there playing with a toy while wearing our shoes like it's no big deal.

-You love the ipad - much like your big brother did at this age (and still does!). You especially love the "Wheels on the Bus" video and anything Elmo. You will sometimes say, "A, B... Elmo," telling me to put the video where Elmo sings the alphabet. Or, you will say, "Bus...Ehphant," letting me know you want the GiggleBellies version of "Wheels on the Bus."

-You love saying your own name: "Winn." You'll point to your cup and say, "Milk... Winn" ("That's Quinn's milk."), and you like to point out the difference between your things and Banner's: "Wah-er, MeeMee," ("That's Banner's water.")

-You're putting more words together to get your point across. Last week, you stood up from playing and said, "Walk. Outside. Shoes," and then you went to get your shoes. Then, you said, "Clean up" as you went to put the Legos back in the bin. You're also combining words to make little phrases all in one. For example, you'll hand me something and say, "Herego" ("here you go"), or we'll get one shoe on and then you'll say "Othe-won" ("other one"). Love it!

-You love saying the names of family members and doing your little roll-call, too. "Erick?" "Unca Marc?" "Bock?" "Kiki?" "Yiyi?" (Levi), "Daddy?" etc.

-Ride-on toys are getting a lot of your attention these days.

-One of my new favorite memories from this month was when you and I went to Whole Foods after we dropped Banner off at school. Half-way through our quick trip there, you said, "Hug," and you leaned your head towards my chest. The rest of our visit there was spent with you snuggling against me, either smiling or saying "hug" or just resting on my arms as I pushed the grocery cart. Such a sweet snuggler you are - and I absolutely love that!

-Banner found my old DVD of "Spirit," and you have become just as obsessed as he is with it. In the car, you want to hear "Spiwit, Spiwit, Spiwit" until I turn on the exact song from that album that you want to hear. And, when I have a song on that you don't want to hear, you will say, "NO!" until I turn it on a song you like.

-You still LOVE music and dancing. You're even starting to try out singing! You'll copy words at the end of a phrase of music (Spirit "Get Off of My Back" song, "Wheels on the Bus," "Twinkle). You also like to do the motions to "Wheels on the Bus."

-Another favorite memory was the night I was bathing you and Banner, and you had two rubber trucks in your hands. You held them up high as you stood up in the tub. I've never heard you say "truck" the way you did that night, and it had me hiding my laugh and keeping my smiles discreet as you yelled, "FUCK! FUCKK! FFFFUUCK!!" over and over again. And the way you said it with such passion and intensity, and elaboration! It was hysterical. I wish Daddy had been home to hear it, and I wish I had thought to get my camera to record your emphatic, loud, deliberate words. I just kept saying, "Yes, that's a truck!" But, I wondered if maybe - just maybe - you weren't really saying "Truck." :)

-10 months ago, at 10-months-old, you were diagnosed with laryngomalacia. I thought I should give a little update at this point since it's been so long since I've written about it. Most of the time, it's not a big deal, but I still hear this noisy breathing as you are trying to fall asleep. You pretty much "snore" as you are trying to fall asleep - a rattling sound comes from your throat, and it sounds like you have a horrible drainage, but you are not bothered by it. You also still need your Zantac twice a day for the reflux that is a direct symptom of this problem. You don't choke as much as you used to - although pasta must be cut up very well for you or it will gag you. You've gotten to be an expert at solving your own choking problems - often yawning after a mere choke to open your airway better.

-Lately, you've been putting yourself to bed and refusing to be rocked to sleep. THIS.IS.BIG! I realize I'm being hypocritical when I say I love that you do this but that I also miss rocking you to sleep. In fact, when you point to your bed and say, "In. In," I often say back to you, "Can Mommy rock you a few more minutes?" Usually you appease me, but a minute or two later, you are looking at your bed again, "In. In. In." I'm so glad you like your bed and want to put yourself to sleep. But, I wouldn't be your mother if I didn't want to still rock you to sleep!

Quinn-Quinn, the other day at Campbell Green, you were playing so independently and exploring so well on your own. I sat back and was able to just watch you enjoy yourself. You turned slowly to find where I was sitting, and this beaming smile took over your whole face. Beautiful on so many levels. You were playing confidently by yourself; you knew you were safe; your smile and bright eyes so sweet and gorgeous. But, perhaps the most beautiful part to me was you knowing Mommy is there, the connection we feel toward each other, that you were safe, that I'm your "person." I'm always here, sweet boy, and I always will be. No matter what. The way you looked at me was so heartfelt, and I feel that love from you. With every piece of my being I hope you feel that from me, too! Because, Oh.My.God, do I love you! And, I love Love LOVE loving you!

Happy 20-Months, My Love!
Love,
Mommy

In Daddy's shirt

Cuddling with Banner in the morning

Daddy/Quinn Taco Bueno date

At Campbell Green with Mommy

 On an evening walk before bath

Yesterday. My LOVE!

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho!

"It's off to work I go!"

Oh, it's the persistent, nagging question in my head since Banner was in utero: to work or not to work? Some parents know right away, and it's never a consideration to do the alternative. Some parents have an idea, and then that baby comes along and changes everything. I've heard moms say, "I could never be a stay-at-home mom," while others insist, "I could never be a working mom." Still others say, "I thought I'd keep working until I just couldn't imagine leaving him." But me? I am pulled in both directions, and I always have been. I know I can be happy doing either - and miserable doing either. So, where is the balance? How do I choose? How can I do both?

The answer for me is: part-time work. It's the best of both worlds. And, I am ecstatically pleased to announce that I've found the perfect-for-me part-time position! The timing could not have been more perfect! The communities, the staff, the location, the job description, the set-up, the leadership... none of it could be more perfect! (Side note: I hate the "more perfect" phrase. If something is perfect, it literally could not be more so - but it gets my point across perfectly well, so I'm going to use it here!)

This current school year began with the opportunity to join my good friend at her new school where she was just beginning her new job as the assistant principal. The school counselor position was open at the beginning of the year, but I was not willing to take the full-time position. I just wasn't ready to return to work with Quinn only 11-months old. But, then the option was available to job-share with another counselor as a substitute counselor throughout the semester. I decided to try it out and see how I liked the whole part-time scene. At first it was a lot, just getting used to the schedule and working around Quinn's naps, the whole "getting out of the house" thing, having to leave the house before Banner was even awake for the day, or asking my mom to keep Quinn for so long, but eventually, we got into a groove and it worked nicely! Then, in December, my job-sharing partner and I were asked if we would take our gig to a different school where the counselor retired in the middle of the school year. We agreed, and it has worked out really well!

I am so thankful to my friend who called me at the beginning of the year to offer this unique opportunity to take on a part-time job and test it out temporarily. Had it not been for this school year's experiences, I don't think I would be mentally prepared for going back to work next year, and financially, I really need to be working! Quinn has benefitted, too, as he's been able to spend time away from me and realize that I DO come back! :)  He's been able to have some special time with both Levi and with Grandma, and for that I am so fortunate!

As the school year has continued, I've had to decide what to do next school year. Sure, working full time would be ideal financially, but I'm just not ready to be away from my babies all day every day. There was a fabulous full-time opportunity that came my way, but I was dragging my feet from accepting it. It made my tummy turn just thinking of Banner - and especially Quinn at such a young age - being in daycare all day, every day. There will be plenty of time for them to be in school ALL day, every day in the years to come. And, while I know they would be fine and lots of kids spend most of their days in preschool/daycare and are perfectly happy, it just didn't sit right for ME or for MY family. So, I waited it out. . . and waited it out. . . and waited it out.

And, man, am I so glad I did! Two weeks ago, I got a call from my previous principal telling me that the 6th grade part-time counselor position at her school and the neighboring school was open if I wanted to consider that as an option. And, my adrenaline was probably off the charts! I was super-excited! (And, I couldn't have been more annoyed that Sam didn't answer the multiple calls I made to him immediately following my talk with the principal!) The following day, I went in to talk about the position, and both principals agreed to hire me that day!

When Quinn woke up from his nap that afternoon, I went in to his room and hugged him with a great calm about me. I thought to myself, "We're gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay." Mostly, it was a relief to know that I wouldn't have to rush him into a program I wasn't ready for him to be in. I was relieved to know what I will be doing next year - that I can work AND I can stay at home.

And, it's the most excited I've been in a long time about the idea of "going back to work." I was giddy and smiley when Sam came home from work. I pointed to my own big grin and excited eyes and said, "This is the face you've been waiting to see, right?! The face that tells you I am so excited about this decision!" He hugged me tightly and said, "Absolutely!"  I feel so peaceful with this decision for my family, and I'm SO excited about what I'll actually be doing! It's beyond perfect! So, let me tell you about THAT! I'll be at amazing schools - schools I consider "home" to me and my family. I'll be working with former colleagues at both campuses. I'll be working with 6th graders - my favorite! I'll be counseling and doing guidance lessons and helping kids get ready for junior high and making a difference in kids' lives. . .  it really is going to be amazing!

So, come August, I will be a "working mom" again - and I'll be a bit of a "stay-at-home mom" still. It's the best of both worlds, and that makes me one very happy mama!

Marching On...

Ahh, already well into April! Here's a quick recap of our March, which flew by - as months seem to more and more these days!

Early in the month, Brycen & Nami were staying at Grandma & Papa's while their Mommy & Daddy were out of town. So, we all hung out a lot and got to spend some fun time together:

I took Quinn, Brycen, and Nami to the library

And later that afternoon, I took Brycen & Banner to see a movie (Despicable Me)

They did great!

The next day, I took Bry, Nam, and Quinn to Sense-Able Gym

How many grandkids can we fit in the cabinet?

Grandma's Birthday

Nami's Birthday

Banner had his face painted at a camp carnival!

Push-Up Pops with Avery

Early morning cartoons

On the way to the circus

Trying to hold hands

Success!

At the Shrine Circus

Loving the light saber

Big boy in his own seat - for about a minute

Snow cones!

Miles & Banner at Zaide & BeBe's

Banner would have screen time all the time if I let him!

Trying to get the phone from Miles

Building a tower in Zaide's backyard