Journey to the Knot: And Another Year Makes 15! (Banner's Newsletter)

Dear Banner,

I'm writing this letter to you a week late, but I have a good excuse! :) We went on our Camp Mommy Trip and traveled a full 24 hours on your birthday and then had only a few days to get back on track and pack for camp. Now you're at Kibbutz, your last year as a camper, and I have a moment to breathe and reflect on this past year. What a year it was. I feel like I need to take a cleansing breath as I prepare to dive into reliving it. It was a lot. Your freshman year. Your first year in high school. Your first full year in BBYO. Your first year taking an AP class. Lots of parties and opportunities and volunteering and needing to study but not wanting to and being around people drinking and smoking and doing drugs .... it was a lot.

Let me tell you more:

You started shaving this year. You take after my side of the family and are quite hairy. :) Your hair grows so fast and is pretty thick, you're already sick of having to shave.
You seem tall to me, but you're actually one of the shorter ones in your friend group. You didn't grow very much this year - less than an inch from last year's well check with Dr. B. Your growth window is closing soon, so we gotta get you sleeping and eating better in order to grow more. You're not quite at your expected height yet.
Kaplan is one of your passions. You were moreh this year, helping acclimate new members and trying to get more people to be and stay active. I love watching you plan and work with other kids to make BBYO a fun and successful organization.
Speaking of, you attended International Convention in Philadelphia this year. It was really heartwarming to watch some of the programs on live stream, especially the spirit we heard in the huge convention space and listening to Governor Josh Shapiro.
You've been itching to drive, and on June 11th, you got your permit! Once you get back from camp, we will do a lot more behind the wheel time, but you still have a lot of Aceable lessons to work on.
We went above and beyond in YMSL this first year. You usually moaned and groaned when it was time to volunteer, but once there, you realized it wasn't so bad and seemed to enjoy helping others. I saw this the most at Birthday Party Project; you really took time to pick out gifts that the receiver would enjoy from their list of wants/needs. "Mom, do you think this girl will like this toy?" or "I can't decide between this and that." Such heart you put into it!
Finding time to volunteer was not easy, especially with how much of your time was taken up with marching band. We were both really dreading the time commitment and getting you to everything so early and staying so late, but you ended up loving what you were doing! So much so that by the end of the year, you were excited to become a leader next year. You'll be section leader, and you're already taking your role very seriously with the incoming freshmen.
You ended your freshman year in a boot and then special shoe as your left foot healed from a fracture you got at Brycen & Nami's b'nai mitzvah party while playing basketball late that evening.
Last summer, you were determined to try out and make the baseball team. You were dedicated to work outs and training with Coach Leo, but when you didn't make the team, you quickly gave up on that idea and let band take over. I still wish you'd stuck with training to try out again in the spring, but I also respect that you decided you didn't feel it was worth your time and energy.
You have so many friends: friends in band, friends in BBYO, friends in classes at school, Temple friends, friends you game with, friends you always want to invite over or friends you want to go spend the night with, friends from camp... there's always people you want to spend time with, always someone who wants to go to dinner, have you over... there is no lack of people to spend time with from cousins to old and new friends. I love how social you are, and you seem to be well liked by your peers. You're a pretty cool guy, B!
Mostly because of social media (TikTok and Instagram), but also because of your Human Geography AP class, you are becoming more interested in news, politics, and current events.
I still can't stand your music.
You have a love/hate relationship with your brothers, as many siblings do. You and Quinn are pretty tight. You help him with his percussion he started this year. You want to show him things you find on social media, and you connect with him much easier than you do with Knox. You can be pretty mean to Knox. You don't understand his anxieties or how his ADHD manifests differently for him than for you. You have very little patience for him, and because you can be short and belittling to him, he avoids you as much as possible. You don't get it that your brothers idolize you and only want your positive attention. I'm hoping one day you'll understand how much younger Knox is than you are - a near-5 year age difference, which - at this time in your life - is a big difference.

Banner Boone, I am like your least favorite person. You always tell me I'm "doing too much," or going to Dad to show him things or ask his permission before mine. You roll your eyes at me, get pretty annoyed with me, and think I'm a helicopter parent. It's been a hard year for me to navigate - seeing that you need the support in making good choices or in knowing how to prepare for tests or projects but then knowing you need to figure it out on your own, too. It's been hard to be pushed away by you but then know you also still need (and sometimes want) me near. We had an amazing time just the two of us in Germany and Austria, and I'll carry those memories with me forever. I wish we had more time like that - laughing, goofing off, and just having time for us to chat and catch up. But, as we talked about on our trip, you have major FOMO (fear of missing out), so when you're at home with the distraction of friends, you definitely don't want to spend time at home with your family.

As I've always told you in these letters since you were a toddler, you are doing exactly what you're supposed to do... testing boundaries, separating from me/us, venturing out and exploring with friends... but it's not easy as a parent to feel that tug as you move farther from me. I've recently heard the analogy that the job of adolescence and growing up is for the child to gnaw at that imaginary umbilical cord until it's chewed off completely. The attitude you give, the eye rolls and under the breath comments, the sneakiness - it's all part of gnawing what ties us together, but I'm not gonna lie, it hurts. That cord will always be there. It's not a cord that can be broken - it's more of a bungee cord - it will pull really far but never break, and it will bounce you back to me whenever you need.

I hope this coming year is a great one for you! Lots of things to look forward to: driving, confirmation class at Temple, more BBYO, a trip to DC, Quinn's bar mitzvah, more band, and so much more! I hope 15 is amazing, my Angel Baby. I love you more than you can imagine. Happy birthday!

Love,

Mom