Journey to the Knot: And Another Year Makes ELEVEN! (Banner's Newsletter)

Dear Banner,

I'm 10 days late in writing this ELEVENTH birthday update, but nevertheless, here it is! You're currently at Greene for your third summer (second long session but first time going first session). It was a bit crazy getting you packed up and ready so soon after school got out, but we did it! I know you're having a blast right now, and I love that you love camp as much as I did as a camper. We celebrated your 11th birthday a couple of different times, first on June 3rd with some friends at Epic Waters, then on your actual birthday with family at Aunt Mischelle & Uncle Brock's community pool (for the second year in a row). When I think about how best to describe you at 11-years-old, my mind is full of adjectives: smart, challenging, manipulative, silly, beautiful, caring, annoyed, fearful, loving, participatory, demanding, affectionate. . . the list could go on and on.

As always, I want to try to capture you in this moment in time, so here's a little more about you:

You are very into rap and hip hop music. You probably have no idea what the artist's are saying, and I make you listen to the "clean" versions of the songs, so every other word is muted out, but you just can't get enough of these songs that annoy the rest of us. To me, it's all just noise.
You suffer from bad seasonal allergies, and we are considering doing allergy shots starting once you get home from camp. Possibly related are your occasional but sudden nosebleeds.
We are constantly working on developing your skills when it comes to listening and following directions. It's fairly common for us to repeat ourselves many times and for us to have to say the same things day after day: "sit down while you're eating," "get back in bed," "don't just grab things from your brother," "brush your teeth," "use a fork..."
I'm pretty sure I said this same thing last year, but since COVID, you have gotten so comfortable at home that you don't like to leave the house. You continue to have a bad attitude about any place we are going, believing you will have a miserable time and don't want to go. Usually, you have a great time and are glad you went, but the front side of the trip is met with much angst and frustration that we have to go anywhere at all.
You want our phone all the time. You beg for your own phone nearly daily. You want to watch YouTube, call friends, watch TikTok, play games.
You're quite addicted to Fortnite and Roblox. The screen is the bane of my existence as your mom. It's a constant irritant, and while I love that it allows you to connect and play with friends virtually, even cousins and friends from out of town, it is a consistent challenge for us, as it is with most parents.
You made mostly A's this year and a few B's here and there. You want to do well, but you really aren't willing to put in a whole lot of effort. There was no homework this year, which was really nice, but at the same time, I didn't really get to see how you work through problems, didn't get to work on things with you or know what you were learning. The pushback I get from you when it comes to asking you to do "unnecessary" work is infuriating. (More on this below!)
You have some really great friends. You have a pretty strong core group of kids you enjoy spending time with: Landon, Lana, Jillian, Cade, Kinley, Siena.
You started piano lessons this year and took them all first semester. You got really good, but again, asking you to put in any effort or to practice was a beating. You started tennis lessons last summer and continued those all year. You also joined the Lady Tigers volleyball team for fall and spring seasons and got so much better at volleyball throughout your time. I loved going to these games and watching your team grow.
You can be quite mean to your brothers. You are selfish and stingy when it comes to them, and I stand by the fact that you wish you were an only child. You manipulate situations to win or get more of something, you lie or twist the truth to get out of trouble when they tell on you, and you rarely reciprocate their kindnesses when they share things. I'm sorry to be so very raw about this, but it's the truth, and I'm all about capturing the honest you at this time in your life.
Outside our home, you have impeccable manners. You are kind and thoughtful, inquisitive and curious with others, and usually the rule-follower. Inside our home, you test all the boundaries. You want our attention, but you rarely give us yours. Your incessant eye-rolls and "ugggghhhh"s are often.
You don't seem to mind a mess. You are highly unorganized when it comes to your backpack and room. It's an everyday occurrence to see food wrappers in your usual eating space at the tall counter or even at the computer where I've asked you many times not to take food.
You met Tova this year! She's now 10-months-old, and you adore her, except for when she takes your things or ruins something you forgot to put away - like shoes or papers of yours. You love cuddling her and want her attention, especially at bedtime.
You got more involved with school activities this year. You ran for student council president, you joined the new Lego League (robotics), you did the spelling bee, second semester you joined the jog club, you did Big Brothers/Big Sisters and mentored a younger student, and you did your best to make it to Kindness Squad each Friday.
We see Dr. B the week after you get home from camp to get your updated stats, but you were nearly the shortest kid in 5th grade this year. I think the only thing that prevented you from being the last 5th grader to get his Celebration certificate this year was your hair being taller than the kid after you. To be fair, you're also one of the youngest in the grade, so I'm sure a growth spurt isn't far away. To me, you're getting so tall all the time. When I hug you, your head is immediately under my chin, so this is the perfect height for me, personally! :)
You avoid reading at all costs.
You still don't know how to sleep in. No matter what time you go to bed, you will wake up around 7:10am.
Some of your favorite things: dumplings, Chili's molten chocolate lava cakes, purple, Robux, V-bucks, Flamin' Cheetos, staying up late, Shirley Temples, Broken Bow, cruises, Lego sets, Menchie's, Slurpees, The Goldbergs, KreekCraft, Drake, Travis Scott, Hamilton, GFC.
You continue to be so very loving, affectionate, and curious right at bedtime. While totally manipulative, I do enjoy the special talk time with you. Dad wishes I would be quicker about putting you to bed, but I am savoring all this time that you love to talk and share. This is when we have our best conversations - about relationships, about the world, about politics, about bodies, about sex, about friendships. I love that we can talk openly about whatever you want to talk about.

Banner Boone, the coming year is going to be a year of change for all of us. You're off to middle school. I resigned and am here to be a better mom to you than I've been. To be completely honest, I've been burned out. I have given up on many things and have let you guys win way too often because I just don't have it in me to constantly fight you. I'm not sure if the burn out has been from COVID, from the political climate, or from just having three little boys. But, this year, I plan to push you and not let myself give up on being a better parent to you. I have often times given in to the ease of saying yes or not holding you accountable, of doing what is easy over what is right. While you might say this makes me a great mom, to let you have everything or to not make you be more independent or responsible, I have been failing you. I recently told you that my job as your mom is to bug you, to irritate you, to annoy you. If I'm not doing those things, then I am not doing my job right. I plan to bug you so much this year, even if it takes more energy from me.

I can't wait to see what adventures await you this year. I have a feeling you will find your motivation this year. I think this is the year it's going to click - it will set in that with great effort comes great rewards. While I know you will miss Hightower, you are going to make new friends, have more opportunities (like playing percussion in band), and be more independent. It has always been a joy to be in the very front row, with the best seats in the house, to watch you grow up.

Happiest birthday, 11-year-old!
I love you, Angel Baby!
Love,

Mom