Why So Chai?

One of my favorite things about each summer was going to camp. If you were fortunate enough to go to camp as a kid, you know why I say that it was a highlight of each year: friendships, new activities, swimming, playing all day, and perhaps even sleeping away. Each summer, I always attended a Jewish camp. It was a time to learn about Judaism, spend more time thinking about my spirituality, further commit myself to a Jewish future, and most importantly, connect with my Jewish community and build friendships with those who understood what it was like to be a Jewish kid in Texas. Some years, I went to the Jewish Community Center camps, some years I went to sleep away camp or traveled to Israel, and other years I was a camp counselor for the same pre-school camp I attended as a child. No matter where I was, I felt connected to the kids I spent those summers with - singing Hebrew songs, learning more about God and Torah, taking on a challenging ropes course, making friendship bracelets or lanyards, eating S'mores around a camp fire, playing Gaga or Newcomb, competing against each other during the much-anticipated Maccabiah games (Color War), splashing around playing Marco Polo, growing attached to our fun counselors or teasing the ones we couldn't stand, making up silly songs our parents would have never approved of, developing crushes and hoping the boys would notice us, trying new foods, and learning cool tricks from new friends.

As a parent, I want the same for my boys each summer. I want them to explore, learn, create, pray, join in, experiment, and build independence. Even though I know they'll hear new cuss words, repeat disgusting songs, learn new gestures I wish they wouldn't, stay up way past their bedtimes, forget to brush their teeth at sleep away camp, and perhaps eat only challah at Friday night dinner, I am totally fine with that and want them to find the fun as they bond with Jewish friends they will have the rest of their lives. I am still friends to this day with many now-all-grown little boys and girls I went to preschool camp with. I was in sorority and in college classes with far-away friends I used to share a cabin with at sleep-away camp. We all have funny, sad, amazing, nostalgic memories with each other, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Yes, I came home with dreadlocks one summer. Yes, I came home with an ear piercing one summer. Yes, I had my first kiss (if you can call it that!) at sleep-away camp. Yes, I did dumb things in Israel when I should have been more captivated by the moments of where I was instead of trying to get my crush's attention/affection. Yes, I came home having memorized new obscene lyrics to our bunk's version of popular song. But, man, we had a great time. No grades, no homework, no teachers, no parents, no expectations. Summers were amazing.

Sam and I have committed to sending our boys to Jewish camps each summer - at least at some point during the 10 weeks they usually have off from school. It's important to us that they feel part of the greater Jewish community around the metroplex. During the school year, it's easy to feel isolated as only one of 2-4 Jewish kids in your class (if you're lucky enough to have even that many Jews at your school). As Reform Jews, it's easy to feel that Judaism is only holidays and Sunday school and not more of a spiritual community with a rich heritage, history, and culture. Summers at camp ARE the Shabbat of the year, and I want camp to be something my boys look forward to with great anticipation and excitement.

So, each winter, I begin planning where the boys will spend their summer. For my young preschoolers, it's been easy... just more of the same at school. But, as they get older, there are more choices, and I want to make the right ones for them. We have to try new things and venture out so they know what their options are. To get the best (early bird) price and ensure a spot for your child, you have to make decisions usually by March 1st or so. Therefore, in January and certainly by February, decisions have to be made. And here's where I want to vent a little:

Camp prices are ridiculously, unexplainably high. When considering paying for 3 children, it's simply unaffordable to fork over that money. I've heard my (Jewish) friends with older kids warn me about the high price of camp, so, I did a little research to determine if this was a normal thing or a normal Jewish thing. What I came to find out did not surprise me at all. It went hand-in-hand with our experience in looking for early childhood programs early on. Jewish programs are considerably higher priced that both Christian and secular programs. When our non-Jewish friends found out what we were paying for Jewish preschool, they were floored. They couldn't understand why anyone would pay that much for a 3-year-old to go to school. They were/are floored that we made/make monthly payments of such a high amount and have done so for 6 years in a row now (sometimes with two children attending at a time!). As Quinn completes preschool and we are finally looking at only ONE monthly preschool payment next year, you'd think we would be feeling lighter. But then, no. CAMP.

I did a lot of research about this, and while no camp is "cheap," my basic finding was that Jewish camps cost way more than the others.... and/or Christian camps offered a much more affordable rate. So, why is it that Jewish camps and Jewish (pre)schools cost so much more than others available? And, why is it that Jewish parents (and in (insanely too) many cases... grandparents) continue to fork over that money? And, why aren't we talking about this as a greater Jewish community?

Let me give you some examples of some of the differences in costs (all amounts are based on early bird pricing if available):

Sleep Away:
Sky Ranch, a Christian sleep-away camp in TX: $166.70 per day
Pine Cove, a Christian sleep-away camps in TX: $178.43 per day
KIDZ Camp Renegade w/ Prestonwood Baptist Church: $58 per day (one week camp)
Greene Family Camp, a Jewish sleep-away camp in TX: $242.50 per day
Camp Young Judea, a Jewish sleep-away camp in TX $200 per day
Kidventure Sleep Away, Secular camp in TX: $225 per day (camp t-shirt + transportation to and from camp included in price)

Community Centers:
YMCA Camp for 6 weeks (non-member): $1,074 (hours are 7:00am-6:30pm, $3.11 per hour)
JCC Camp for 6 weeks (non-members; pay additional fee for summer "friend" membership): $2,229 (hours are 9:00am-4:00pm, $10.62 per hour) or $471 if paying by the week, if you aren't already a paying member of the facility *By far the highest camp price I've come across in my research (with the exception of tech camps at the college campuses)

Private Schools:
Summer on the Hill (Greenhill), a private co-ed summer experience: 9:00-3:00, between $320-370 per week but can be more expensive depending on the class
Summer at Hockaday, a private co-ed summer experience: 9:00-3:30, lunch included: $396 (with early bird discount included) per week
Summer @ Levine, a private Jewish school offering camp 9:00-4:00: $375 per week

Gymnastics:
Elevate Gymnastics: $275 per week (8:00am-6:00pm)
Metroplex Gymnastics: $250 per week (9:00-6:00, includes early care for free at 7:30am, option to swim included in price)
Infinite Bounds: $180 per week (9:00-2:00)
Gymnastics Camp at the JCC: : $471 for one week, if not already a paying member of facility (9:00-4:00)

Pre-school Programs: (These are all based on half-day prices... usually 9-1:00ish unless otherwise stated.)
Prestonwood Church Vacation Bible School: Free (9:00-12:00)
Vacation Bible School in Plano: $45, with max of $135 per family (9:00-12:00)
Anshai Torah Pre-school Camp: $222 per week (for a 3 year old, 9:00-2:00)
Temple Emanu-El, Dallas: $356 per week (for a 3 year old, plus $100 registration fee)
Camp Shemesh at Levine Academy: $260 per week
Camp Simchah at JCC: $1,026 + $280 summer "friendship" fee if not a member of the JCC for 3 weeks = $435 per week (this price does decrease if attending a 6 week or 9 week session, but no less than $311 weekly)
Camp Gan Israel at Chabad: $230 per week (plus $75 registration fee... hours are 9:00-3:45, a much longer day, and cost decreases per week if attending 6 week program... Praise BE!)

Other Camps:
Kidventure Camp in Dallas: $235 per week (9:00-3:30...$7.23 per hour)
Creek Camp at Plano Heritage Farmstead: $325 per week (9:00-5:00... $8.13 per hour)
Plano Summer Institute for Gifted Students: $300 for 3.5 weeks (half-day... $4.41 per hour)

I have often heard directors and leaders of some of these programs say, "Well, you get what you pay for." Um, WHAT? Are you telling me that Christian camps aren't as good as Jewish camps? Are you saying that Jewish preschool teachers take better care of and better prepare their Jewish students than their non-Jewish counterparts? What exactly does that mean? I don't buy it, literally. One Jewish school touts this awful line again and again to parents in the community. I was told by one campus that another Jewish school doesn't cost as much because, "You get what you pay for." I have at least two other Jewish friends who were told this at the same campus, and at the end of the day, we all still chose the more affordable school... because I can't justify paying $4,000 more each year in tuition for my 3-year-old to go to a school that thinks it's better than another program. I mean, sure, I like their Shabbat programs each Friday considerably more than my child's current preschool, but do I like it $4,000 more?? And while I absolutely value early childhood education, COME.ON! It's preschool - not college. While I HIGHLY value early childhood education (or I wouldn't have put my children in the programs to begin with... even going back to work to make that happen!), what are we TALKING ABOUT!? The bottom line of a great preschool is that kids learn to not be assholes to each other. I'm not saying that's an easy job... God bless preschool teachers. My sister is one of them, and man, I wouldn't want to spend 5 days a week with 12 threenagers, no WAY. You couldn't pay me enough... and apparently, they don't. With all that money being handed over by willing parents, you'd think teachers would be making more money or getting better benefits or SOMETHING. But no, not the case. SO, what ARE we paying for? Really?

On top of this, another common response to my complaints: "Well, there are scholarships available. Maybe you should apply for those?" Say that again?? I need to apply for financial aid in order to make this problem go away? So, applying for a scholarship makes this acceptable? No. No, it doesn't. It makes it ridiculous. I shouldn't have to ask for assistance at our income level. But I also shouldn't have to break the bank to give my child a Jewish camp experience to build his roots with his community. And please don't tell me that it's because Jewish camps aren't funded like non-Jewish camps. If we have enough money to be forking over scholarships to anyone who applies for it, then let's just give that scholarship money to the camp to let it run more efficiently without hurting the entire community, whose members may not be willing to ask for help for a variety of reasons: "there's always someone else worse off than me;" "I decided to have three kids - no one else, so I should be able to afford these camps, or maybe they just shouldn't go;" "I'll be denied because we make too much money to qualify (even though that money goes directly to paying off student loan debt, health insurance, doctor bills, car payment, etc);" "I don't even know how much to ask for;" "I didn't know there was help, and now I've missed the deadline."

I've looked into these said scholarships, and of course, they want to see our tax returns. This seems so invasive, especially because the tax returns don't tell the whole story. It doesn't show that we go months without income sometimes because clients are slow to pay. It doesn't show that the main reason I have to work is for health care for 4 (of 5) family members (other than to pay for preschool, as I mentioned above). It doesn't show that we are still paying a price for taking time, funds, and energy to campaign for a year and a half. It's not always as it seems. It kinda bugs me that tax returns are considered... I'm not asking the camp/school to tell me how they're going to spend the money I give THEM. I don't ask what they pay their counselors or how they allocate their money for crafts, snacks, busses, etc. I just trust that they are spending wisely and making the best financial decisions. But, I digress; I'll move on. I DID apply for a scholarship. And the help offered was laughable - or at least how far off our numbers were is laughable.

These camps really want Jewish kids to come to their camps. I firmly believe that, but it seems they really only want the Jewish "elite" kids, or they wouldn't charge such a high price. They wouldn't make it insanely time-consuming to complete and submit scholarship forms. (Many scholarship programs require or strongly suggest that applications be submitted to more than one scholarship organization in order to be considered; I've found they usually require 3 different funding sources.) Some of my Jewish friends don't even think about this. They just fork over the money without much thought. And, that's great if they can afford it. But, at the same time, that's what bothers me. Why must we accept that as "normal" and keep perpetuating the same cycle of "I will pay because that's what you say it costs, and you will continue to charge me a fortune because you know I will just keep paying it." Just because a person CAN pay for it doesn't mean he/she SHOULD.

I'm annoyed. (Can you tell?) Jews pay membership fees to their synagogues. We pay extra for Sunday School and Hebrew school. We pay more than our non-Jewish friends for camps and pre-school programs. We are not a welcoming bunch, I know. You have to ask the rabbi 3 times to convert before you can move forward with conversion. But, if you want to be Christian, just go to church and you are welcome. I can appreciate the high bar it takes to want to be a Jew, but what do you do when you already are one, and you feel like the community is too hard to be a part of? And, who started all of this? And, why do we allow it to continue? Why should wanting our children to be a part of the Jewish community come with such a high price tag? And why are we not talking about this? I'm hoping this post, as hard as it is for me to shed light on this taboo topic, will spark more discussion within our community (it already has during my research and I've gotten a lot of great feedback and comments from Jewish moms in our area that I don't even know). I'm well aware that I'm not the only one who feels this way. The question is: what are we going to do about it?