FIVE WHOLE YEARS! Quinn's Newsletter

Dear Quinn,
The day you've been asking about for over 6 months has finally arrived. For me, it seems like it got here all too quickly, but I know for you this day took "forever" to get here when you've been asking for so long "When is my birthday gonna be here!?" or "How many more days until my birthday?" even when it was months away! On September 1st (last week), your teachers celebrated your birthday at school with the other two September birthday boys. I first saw you from behind when we came in for Shabbat, but then you turned around, and the birthday crown had a big "5" on the front. My heart felt like it had been ripped open. I literally had a guttural reaction - a squeezing of my intestines - as I realized FIVE was only 8 days away!! I wasn't really mentally prepared for birthday week just yet, so that experience was a wake-up call to GET READY, MAMA! I just wasn't! I'm still not. For some reason, you turning FIVE seems hard to fathom, and it was definitely a kick to my uterus! Oh man! Mommy loves you so much, and I just love watching you grow up - but it's a hard idea to accept that one day you won't be so little. Five feels like it's happening already!

It's not that you're not completely ready to turn five. You could 100% succeed in Kindergarten if you were legally able to start this year. I'm glad you're not going, yet, though! I love that you get to be the oldest in the class and feel so prepared for each year. But you could... you're reading, your vocabulary is outstanding, your penmanship is beautiful, and your work ethic is "fantastic, fantastic, fantastic," (as you like to say about your day everyday)! You expect a lot from yourself. You get anxious when you can't get something done the way you want it or if you're confused and can't figure it out. You worry. You "what if" a lot. You don't like it when others don't follow the rules, and you continue to fear someone may be left behind or left out... like if I keep walking when Knox isn't following us, you'll panic, "Mommy! Don't leave him! Wait! He'll be lost! We have to get Knox! Wait!!" (Of course, I'll always remind you that if we keep walking, he will follow, and he does.) You're a great helper and a wonderful cleaner-upper.

Our most favorite times together are cooking in the kitchen. More and more, I'm able to find ways for you to help me, often times without supervision. You cut up (with a kid safe knife) veggies or mix the pancake mix or fold in the blueberries to the muffin mix... and yes, you use the word "fold." :) We talk about the kitchen tools and equipment, and you're getting good at knowing what to hand me or where to find it. You want to be a chef (or a babysitter or a soccer player or a "jokester" or all of the above) when you grow up, and I've loved nurturing this hobby of cooking. You get upset if I don't let you help, and on the days we are rushed for time, I almost have to sneak the dinner prep without you to hurry it along more. If your interest continues, though, I have a feeling you'll be cooking for all of us in the near future! Now THAT sounds nice! When I remind everyone at dinner that you helped me cook, there is usually a round of "Thank you, Quinn!" and I think you really enjoy their praise. You also enjoy eating what you helped prepare, which is a win for me, too!

You're very creative out of the kitchen, too. You continue to love arts and crafts, and I'm so grateful to your school for allowing such awesome opportunities to continue to nurture that part of you. In fact, last year in Ms. Bev's class, you got to construct and create and use all kinds of a variety of materials to make whatever you wanted quite often. You'd come home with a castle you built out of boxes and egg cartons. You would build cars out of spools and other trinkets Ms. Bev would bring in. I adored this because these are the types of activities that are hard to do at home where messes can become overwhelming.

Her class was a perfect class for you last year, but we decided you may be better served with more classmates this year who could challenge and keep up with your vocabulary and conversational skills. So, this year you have Ms. Meghan and Ms. Morgan - but Ms. Bev is right next door. In fact, you still get to go to her classroom for science, and that makes us all very happy. You had/have such a great connection to Ms. Bev, but you were also so comfortable and familiar with her that you began acting quite silly. It got worse in the spring - which usually happens with you - you get so "comfy" with your new surroundings that you are often giddy and excited and LOUD! You can get kind of bonkers and want all the attention, and each spring you have tried on different personas. (I remember in your toddler class in the spring, you started going around saying, "I'm a BAD GUY!" and in the twos class, you wouldn't listen to the teachers when they told you to stop quoting the song from the movie Sing, "Oh my God, look at her BUTT!"). I've told Ms. Morgan and Ms. Meghan they need to keep their thumb on you- because the more confident and more comfortable you become, the more you stop listening and start being silly.

Hmmm... what else can I tell you about you at FIVE!? How about some of your favorite things? You love milk, Kid Mania, watching Brain Games on Netflix, Levi, Nami, Bar, honey sandwiches, donuts, telling jokes, Aiden F, grilled chicken, the color "golden," Chuck E. Cheese, annoying Knox, doing a silly tushy dance, saying the word "butt," fish sticks, spaghetti, learning new Hebrew words at school, helping me fold towels, swimming, Kinder Eggs, brother hugs, having your nails painted, saying "yes, ma'am" when I ask you to do something, making shadow puppets, coloring, Legos, color baths, having a screen when we allow it, science experiments, thinking like Bubble Gum Brain, cuddling and giving "Famous Quinn Hugs," and telling everyone you are the FLASH and darting off to sprint across the room.

I also want to touch on your speech. First of all, you always impress me with your vocabulary. Just today, you were putting some blocks together and were checking on it to make sure it was "stable." You use words like "literally," "actually," and "incorrect." You surprise us with the words and phrases you know how to use correctly, and you string them into sentences without flinching while Daddy and I sometimes look at each other with an expression of "Who taught him THAT word!? I didn't know he knew that!" Yet, your articulation is so childlike and unpolished, so it's adorable what comes out of your mouth! We started speech in June this summer, and we're working on your /r/, /s/, and /th/ sound. I'm also pretty sure you have vocal nodules like I did when I was a kid, so we may start addressing that as well. You often sound hoarse to me - or that you're having to strain or push to get the words out. Your voice sounds tired too often, and I worry you're hurting your vocal cords. You do speak very loudly quite often, and we're always telling you to use your inside voice or bring it down a notch. Ms. Laura has been awesome working with you each week on your articulation, and you're working really hard to correct your errors. I'm so proud of all your dedication and attention to want to improve, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit a small part of me is sad to hear the more grown up pronunciations!

I could go on and on about you, trying to capture you in this one blog post, but that is impossible. But, the best part of this weekend has been celebrating you and your 5 years of life. This weekend, we had your birthday party, which you said was the "Ultimate!" party, at Young Chef's Academy. As I mentioned before, cooking is one of your favorite things, so we had an all-boys party in the kitchen - baking up some fun! Your cousins and classmates got to make pizza, decorate cupcakes, and decorate chef's hats while waiting for their pizzas to cook. It was loud and messy, but it was really a cute, fun party! Then, at night after our anniversary video-viewing party with friends and family, I read your 4-year-old "I Believe" to you, and we reminisced about the year you were four. We laughed about some of these favorite things and great memories, and we both agreed four was a good year for you! Then, I tucked you in for the last time as a four-year-old.

In the morning, you came in my room and wanted your balloons thrown on you! We had to wait for about 20 minutes before everyone else woke up and we could serenade you. Then, Daddy let you guys go pick out some donuts, we sang and then you blew out candles and made a wish for the second time this weekend. (You mentioned, "Mommy, I don't feel five yet," which we all thought was cute.) Then, most of the day we just played with your new gifts you got yesterday. BeeBee came over and took you to pick out your own gift, and you came home with this really cool game called Cut the Wire, and we all had fun playing that together. It was a great choice! Then, we got ready to go to Magic Time Machine for a special birthday dinner. Our waitress was the Queen of Hearts. You boys had a fun time with Levi and Damon - walking around the restaurant getting famous signatures - from Robin and Harley Quinn, Beauty and Ariel, FroZone and Snow White, and a few more. You drank magic potion, got balloons and caricatures made, and enjoyed cookies and whipped cream for dessert. Now, you're upstairs sleeping in our bed for a special treat tonight. And, we are all wiped out!

Quinn Redding, just a couple weeks ago, I noticed this unusual brown dime-sized spot on the very bottom of your heel. It got darker, and I panicked and made a dermatologist appointment for you. Luckily, it's nothing to be worried about and is only on the outer-most layer of the skin on the sole of your foot. To be honest, the doctors (yes, two - she called in another doctor to consult!) were stumped but ultimately determined it is an unusual bruise or marking from some sort of impact you must have had at some point. It hasn't hurt you or itched or been sore at all, and by now is slowly fading. But, the days between seeing it, deciding to make an appointment, and finally seeing the doctor were LONG and worrisome for me. I did what any mother would do but shouldn't and Googled the symptom and found numerous images that led me to believe we were dealing with some kind of melanoma. My heart wouldn't stop pounding; my tummy turned; my mind raced; I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Thinking of anything happening to you, hurting you, or taking you away from me just destroys me. Like DESTROYS me.

Tonight is Erev Rosh Hashanah. It's timely that your birthday falls on this sweet holiday of praying for a delicious new year ahead on the same day we've spent celebrating you. I wish you a year of happiness, health, laughter, friendship, joy, and love, My Love. I am forever grateful to God that you are happy and healthy and sweet as can be!

I'm forever in love with you and being your Mommy!
Happy Birthday, Quinny-Quinn!
Love,
Mommy

Party favors ready to go!

Pounding the dough!

Aiden F. decorating his cupcake

The cupcake toppings!

Last sleep as a four-year-old :(

Magic Potion drink

After the Queen told you the candles smelled different - then rubbed the icing on your nose

You and Levi told Banner to smell the cookies - then tapped his nose into the cream.

Favorite Fifth Year Memories: Quinn

-After reading Love You More, you whispered in my ear, "I love you farther than the farthest soccer ball has ever rolled," and then when I told you I loved you more than the farthest basketball has ever been thrown, you said "I love you more, so much more than that." 

-The night you told me I could tell you I love you after several nights of  not saying it because you wanted me to stop, I was elated! I hugged and kissed you'll over and said, "Oh, thank GOD! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!"

-When we were playing in the water park at Great Wolf Lodge, you said, "This is more fun than the iPad!"

-Shadow puppets on your wall at bedtime. 

-In March one night, right after I tucked you in, you called me back into your room to tell me you were having a "nightmare." I told you to try to think about wonderful things like our trip or building a huge castle with Legos or remembering all the funny parts from Peter Rabbit (which we had seen the night before). "But I might laugh out loud," you said. To which I replied, "That's okay." A few minutes later, you laid in bed laughing to yourself. 

-In April, you said, ""Mommy, I like yuh matzah pizza so much that when I have kids, I'm gonna make it fuh dem too." I proceed to tell him how easy it is, and he inquires, "And how long do you cook it in deh oven fowah? ... Oh dat's not so long!" 

-In May, I was wiping your bottom, and as you sat on the toilet you said, "Being a kid is hawd. It's hawd to listen when yuah a kid. But I won't be one fu-evah. And when I'm a gwown up and I have kids, dey will say duh same fing, and I'll tell dem dat's what I said when I was a kid."

-It was just before bath, and I told you to head upstairs. "One minute. I want to show you something." As I was putting laundry in the washing machine, you told me to look at you as your twisted the top off the Benadryl cream tube. I looked up, and you put the open tube immediately in front of your open eye. "No, Quinn! Stop that!" I yelled at you. You slowly and calmly replied, "Don't judge a book by its cover!" you said. I asked, "What does that mean?!" and you said, "I have no idea," and then you put the cap back on the tube, set it down, and ran upstairs.

-In August, you said, "Mommy, Banner's not letting me win!" I replied, "He's not supposed to let you win." And then you said, "Well, I AM supposed to win. I'm slow and steady." I remember being caught off-guard and not knowing what to say, so I said: "Well, if you don't like the game, then don't play with him." You were bothered by this idea and quickly snapped back: "But I WANT to play with him. I AM PLAYING WITH HIM, OKAY!?!?"

-One day before camp this summer, you fell outside and hurt your cheek. The next morning, you came in my room and said, "When my camp friends see my face, they're going to laugh." I tried to assure you they wouldn't. But you said, "No, Mommy, they will, because I'm gonna tell them, 'You should see the other guy.'"

-I was putting you and Banner to bed one night in February - both of you in his bed. I was between you guys, laying down from the foot of the bed so that my legs were off the bed but my head was near your bellies. I was singing L'chi Lach when Banner suddenly rolled over and kneed me in the cheekbone. I was too hurt to finish the song, not feeling so lullaby-ish with a stinging cheek. I kissed you both goodnight as I told you I needed to go get some ice. I left the room, and a couple minutes later, as Banner started to cry (because he was feeling sorry and because he doesn't like me to not be upstairs when he's falling asleep), you counseled him. "You have to be strong. Don't be scared. Just like the cave people, they were brave even when there was a dinosaur roaring at them. They had to be mighty, not like a mouse. They never gave up. Let's practice. Number 1: Don't be scared, Number 2: Be mighty, Number 3: Be strong. Mommy's counting on you. God's counting on us. And when every "Jewish" is scared and crying, God is counting on them. He's counting on you right now. Do you want to hold my hand? Don't go get Mommy. Be strong. Be brave like me."  I came back in the room to let Banner know I was okay. You told me you were trying to help Banner. I told you I heard that, and I am so proud of what a helper you are and what a caring heart you have  You said, "I know. I'm a kind person and nice to people. I'm brave too. I'm a counselor like you."

-On Uncle Brock's birthday in April, we were on our way home from swimming, and we called Grandma to say hi. We told her Happy Anniversary of becoming a Mommy, and that sparked discussion about who my mom was and how many kids she had. I talked about how I grew up and moved into my own house and married Daddy, etc. Then, you asked if you could come visit me when you are a grown up. You told me you want to live across the street from me when you grow up. I told you I'd LOVE that. Then, you mentioned that you would change your last name, though. When I asked you what you'd change it to, you said, "Jerusajuice. Quinn Jerasajuice." 

-One Friday Family Film Fest, you turned your whole body against mine, snuggled up close with me and said, "I just love you and want to be with you all the time, even when I'm at Anshai."

-The day you jumped off the diving board at Muehlenbeck in July. You were so little waiting your turn with all the big kids, and they kept turning to me asking if you were going to really jump off the board. "Isn't he going to be scared?" I wasn't sure if you would be or not, and I was getting annoyed that they'd even say that out loud or put that thought in your head. You calmly walked up to end of the board so high above the deep water, and you jumped confidently. All the big kids in line clapped and cheered for you as you swam back to the wall. I was elated, and you wanted to go again! (Unfortunately, the pool closed with only one person in front of you for your second turn, and you didn't get to go again. You were so sad about that and cried, but you were a champ wanting to go back and do it again next time!)

-Watching you hug Ms. Bev at the Meet the Teacher event at Safari Run in August. You hadn't seen her all summer and missed her greatly. You knew she wouldn't be your teacher this year, and you were apprehensive about the new school year. You hugged her with a Famous Quinn Hug for several minutes. I teared up and had to turn away. I think you needed that hug from her. I needed to see you two back together again. It warmed my heart to see you snuggled in your teacher's arms. 

-First thing in the morning, our cuddles in my bed or if I'm already up and getting ready for work, rocking each other on the bathtub ledge in my bathroom. THE BEST!

Pottery Anniversary

It's 10:40pm on September 9th, 2018, which means that at this time exactly 9 years ago, Sam and I were about to make our departure out of our wedding reception and bid farewell to our wedding guests. It's hard to believe 9 years have passed already - while at the same time, it feels like way longer than that. Part of that is due to the fact that this year will really be our 20th year together, and we've lived together for over 10 of those years. So 9 is nothing compared to our longer journey. Yet, 9 years of marriage is not "nothing" either. There's lots of experience and hard work behind those 9 years - 2 houses, 3 pregnancies, 4 cars, 3 fish, 4 deaths of close loved ones, 5 jobs, 6 law firm name changes, 1 run for Congress, 1 "terrifying miracle," 3 births, tens of thousands of dollars paid in childcare, 3 circumcisions, a gazillion hard decisions, 7 trips, and raising 3 little boys - just to start our list.

All the hard work and effort to keep this marriage strong has been so worth it. I love that the traditional wedding gift for 9 years is pottery. (We've actually found that there are other items like porcelain and willow that are appropriate for a traditional 9 year gift, but I like pottery the best.) Pottery is made through a creative, time-consuming process. It begins as clay - soft and wet, fragile and malleable. It requires attention and care and thought. It can take any shape the potter wants. Then, when fire and time are added, it becomes hard and sturdy. It's strong yet still breakable, so it continues to need care, but it can sustain more pressure and handling. It easily compares to our marriage at 9 years - still young and shapeable. We continue to have an opportunity to create it as we want, to mold and shape it in the direction we like. But, our marriage is getting wiser and stronger as time moves on.

Today we celebrate 9 years! It's one of my favorite days - the birth of our marriage. The day we became a family of two. The day we stood before our family and friends and community with their support and encouragement. And, Sam and I have had a lot of fun reminiscing about our wedding and celebrating our 9th year together. This year, specifically, we have come so far and endured quite a bit.

When I got home from work, Banner and Quinn had prepared a couple of surprises for me. Then, the boys, BeeBee, and I watched our wedding video, and it was fun to look at so many familiar faces for them at a time before the boys even existed. Quinn and I even did the Hora while it played on the screen. Then, once Sam got home, we left for a very casual dinner at Chuy's followed by a Menchie's treat, and we ended our date at the grocery store... a typical end to a date night for us these days!

Once BeeBee and Zaide left, Sam gave me a beautiful card and a Willow Tree (Get it? Willow is another 9th anniversary gift.) figurine called Around You of a man and woman sitting together. Then, we watched Our Ninth Year - the video I created for him documenting our year together - week by week! This year, I chose to include lots of photos of our "everyday," mundane views: the photos of Banner walking home from school, the view I have during dinner at our table, the boys sleeping, the way Knox would climb down the stairs earlier this year, the little notes the boys would write or draw, the silly faces, and the cuddles on the couch. Those are the real day-to-day images that I want to remember, and we'll look back at this video one day far from now - and our "everyday" will come right back to us.

I know I am so blessed to have the husband I do, the kids I do, the family and friends that I do. And, each year, even though it's stressful and time-consuming and tedious as all hell, I LOVE that we get to have this family treasure. This weekend, we'll have our annual anniversary video viewing with friends and family, and I can't wait to watch with them. We couldn't have this life without our village, and we are so grateful to them for the support, love, time, and energy they give to our family! I remember wanting a big wedding - it was important to me for one reason only: I wanted to know we had a huge circle of family and friends who were cheering us on, who were there to encourage us and lift us up, who were embracing us with their love, who would be our safety net through the tough times. Each year, we make celebrating us a priority, and I hope that continues with each anniversary.  As I've said in years past, if I have to drive myself nuts making this video for our family every year, it would be the greatest blessing and biggest joy.

Sam, I love you. Thank you for choosing me. I choose you every day! 

Happy Ninth Anniversary! Here's to 9 more!