What HAS Changed?

This afternoon I went to a staff development and saw some of my counselor friends. Because we only see each other once a month at meetings, I suppose my marriage is still pretty fresh on their minds. I had emailed them a whole bunch of pictures from the wedding, so they're always interested in how we are doing. . . which I appreciate. So, it's because of these inquiries, that I wanted to blog about this question again.

After 4 months, Sam and I have come up with the answer to the "How's married life?" question, and that is: "Better than engaged life!" It's a good, solid response. And, it's so darn true! It's so much better: no planning of the wedding, no worrying about the guest list, no running this way and that to find the right dress or wine cup or flowers, no scheduled meetings with any vendor to only annoy us with a "plus, plus!" It's been great! So, it really is better than engaged life. But, what HAS changed?

Well, for one thing, we're definitely more emotionally connected/solidified. We both agreed that ever since the wedding, there's more of a family feel to our home and the way we think about each other. There was always a desire to be with each other, connect with each other, etc., but something switched "ON" when we became a married couple. We did not become the same person or become "one," but we definitely turned a corner that makes us more tied together, more in tune.

The biggest change, though, is the way we bank. We now have a joint account, and each of us has a separate account. The joint account has been a challenge to learn how to manage. For starters, I'm the only one that seems to check it online. Sam knows that, so he rarely pays any attention to spending. I have to remind him of how much is in the bank. I'm not used to having to plan my spending with another person. We did not bank like this until we got married, so it's been an adjustment. After talking to some girlfriends about this, we agreed as long as one person is watching the accounts, it's okay. We also agreed it's pretty typical for one person to be more cautious/observant than the other. Luckily, neither of us is a controlling person, so I'm not keeping tabs on his spending (although, I can tell what he had for lunch all week if he continues to go out for lunches rather than taking food we just bought from the grocery store - which kinda annoys me, but maybe I'm just more jealous that he gets a lunch break and I get about 25 minutes in the teachers' lounge!).

If you married, what has changed for you and your spouse? I'm just curious what other people would say. It's a good conversation-starter.

In the Year 2015

What a Happy New Year around here! I just wanted to share the outcome of the discussion from the previous blog post entitled "How Do you Compromise on Something Uncompromisable?" from December 6, 2009. To recount, in short, Sam has always wanted a gun, and he's always wanted a dog. Both of these desires are ones I do not share, and quite honestly, I reject the idea of having either in our home for various reasons (please read the aforementioned post to get a more in-depth read about my views). Well, after a discussion with many friends and one detailed discussion with my best friend in Houston, I came up with an alternative to this dilemma. Sam has also desperately wanted a new phone - preferably a new iPhone, but he wasn't altogether against the Google phone. Because we would have to cancel our account with our current company to get the iPhone, I was really against paying a large sum of money to get out of our contract. But, feeling like Sam needs to have something he really wants that won't really upset me, I decided to make a proposal. The proposal was made on Thursday night, New Year's Eve. I presented the alternative in this way: "Go get whatever phone you want, whenever you want, and I won't complain or be upset - if you will not buy or request to buy a dog or a gun in our house for the next 5 years."

5 years sounds harsh, I know. . . and I know Sam thinks so, too. But, after more discussion, we decided this was a really good compromise. He gets something he wants; I get what I want. He is willing to wait 5 years to discuss the gun/dog issue later - with the understanding that we will most likely (God-willing!) have children of our own and will have a better understanding of how a dog and/or a gun in the house will affect those children and our lifestyle. Since neither of us believe a dog helps you prepare to have children, we don't think we need a dog before having kids - so this compromise acknowledges that we would have a dog AFTER having kids, which we both want more than a dog anyway. So, it's a nice little waiting period.

Sam gave himself a Sunday deadline to make up his mind on whether to take me up on the offer or not. This morning, he "locked it in" by buying a new Google phone - the more responsible choice between the iPhone and the Google phone, in my opinion. It was less expensive than getting out of our contract with our current carrier, and maybe in the next 2 years (for which our contract has now been renewed), our carrier will have the iPhone available for its customers. However, for now, Sam is very content with his new phone - finding lots of new apps and features that he wants. He's played with it all day long - and it hasn't hurt anyone, and it hasn't had to go out for a walk or needed to be fed or potty-trained! :) So, in the year 2015, we'll possibly broach the topic again. Maybe I'll be ready for one or the other, or both. Maybe he won't want one or the other, or both. But, in the meantime, we have found a way to compromise on something uncompromisable. Happy New Year to All! :)