My First Mother's Day

My first Mother's Day began on Saturday night. We went to my father-in-law's house to have dinner there with family. It was nice to be around everyone, but unfortunately dinner wasn't ready before I had to leave to get Banner home for bath and bed. Sam stayed for dinner while I went home and got some extra one-on-one time with Banner, who did beautifully going down for bed after some snuggle time with me. Sam brought dinner home for me, and then upon my request, he went to get me some Yogurtville yumminess! We watched one of our shows, and off to bed we went - both of us exhausted from the day.

Zaide & Banner

Cousin Natalie & Banner

Love that Banner's face is the only crystal clear part of the photo

Because it was Sunday (MY day to sleep in!), and of course because it was Mother's Day, I got to sleep in Sunday morning while Sam got up with Banner. I slept until about 8:30, and when I got up, the house smelled amazing! Sam was shocked I was up so early (although 8:30 is well past my now-normal wake-up time!), and he asked me to stay out of the kitchen and to go back to the bedroom. So, after some hugs and kisses with Banner, I gladly headed back to the bedroom to rest and relax. About 30 minutes later, my boys headed in to bring me my breakfast they had worked so hard making: bagel, eggs, and hash brown casserole. Yum!

Sam put Banner down for a nap shortly after I started enjoying my breakfast in bed, and after I ate, I decided a little more quality time with my bed was in order. Oh how I have missed just laying in bed for that long - just snoozing, relaxing, not moving, resting, and enjoying the peace and quiet! Around 10:45, Banner woke up and brought me 2 greeting cards and a wrapped gift. The cards were addressed to "Mommy" and to "My OTL" (One True Love). I opened Banner's first and was in LOVE with the card he selected. Then, I opened Sam's card, and I was shocked that I made it through both cards without a tear. I even looked at Sam and said, "And I didn't cry!"

 Then, I unwrapped the gift wrap which had a Willow Tree box inside. I carefully pulled out the styrofoam casing, and as I looked at the figurine inside, I burst into tears. I couldn't help it. This gift was too perfect, capturing the way I feel about Banner and how I want to freeze time with him in my arms just like this. I love, too, how the baby has curls!

After I stopped crying and got ready to go, the three of us headed to the cemetery to pay our respects to Sam's mom. It didn't feel real as we drove the 20 minutes or so to the cemetery. But, as we walked up to where she was laid to rest, a place I had not been since her funeral, a place Banner had never been before, it was all too real. I still can't believe she's not here anymore. I thought back to all the Mother's Day celebrations we've had before - brunches with bagels and blueberry cake, family chatter and jokes being told, all of us making fun of how she was still slowly eating when everyone else was done - and here we were, my first Mother's Day, and Sam's first Mother's Day without his mom. Bittersweet. Ironic. I don't know the right word, but weird is what it is. We took a couple of pictures of Banner sitting near her plot - a plot that has no headstone just yet since it's only been a few months. I know Leslie was there - telling me Happy Mother's Day, just like I know she knows I'm wishing her the same. I thought it was nice to be there paying tribute to her. I'm glad Banner got to go, too, even though all he wanted to do was eat the leaves off the bushes nearby. (While we were there, we also stopped by Sam's maternal grandmother's plot and my paternal grandmother's plot. I "introduced" Banner to my Granny and as we walked away, Banner raised his hand as if to wave goodbye.)

The rest of the afternoon was a typical Sunday afternoon: Banner ate lunch, he napped, I showered, and Sam went to Home Depot. :) Then, we stopped by Cherie & Jed's before heading to Mom's for dinner. Cherie wanted to see Banner walking, so we had to stop there so he could impress! :) At Mom's we played and chatted before Kira & Erick served us all dinner! It was yummy; they did a great job! Mom, Bob, Kira, Erick, Mischelle, Brock, Brycen, Sam, Banner, and I started dinner and Caden & Mara joined us shortly after we sat down to eat. It was nice to enjoy our time together; I just wish we had more time before we had to leave to get Banner to bed on time.... if only he could stay up another half hour or so, that would help so much! Technically, he could, but then our night would be disastrous. Anyway, we exchanged cards and gifts before we left. Mom & Bob gave me a much needed gift certificate for a mani/pedi! Kira & Erick gave me a jewelry box with a picture of Banner and me on the front - and when it opens, it plays "These are the Days" by Van Morrison, the final song Sam and I danced to on our wedding night, and the song that Sam & I danced with Banner to on the night we brought him home from the hospital. I tried SO hard to hold back tears as I opened gifts and read my cards. First I read the notes from Brock, Mischelle, and the kids... that already got me going, then I read Kira's card and was so touched by her card that tears just flowed. Reading Mom's card last didn't help, either. I'm just so in love with being a mom, even the hard times and the hard work don't take away from the love I have for Banner and how fortunate I feel to be his mommy. When others point out this "emotional roller coaster" (as Mom called it in her card) and the possibility that I might actually be doing a somewhat decent job, it just gets to me. I feel like I'm trying so hard to be the best mom to Banner, and most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, so it was nice and cathartic to just get some positive feedback.

Uncle Erick & Banner

Grandma & Banner

Mommy & Banner

Our gift to my mom/Grandma... a throw blanket with our pictures on it!

Brycen & Mara

My two favorites on Mother's Day: my mommy and my baby!

The best feedback, though, is spending a day with my happy, happy boy and then hugging and kissing him goodnight knowing that he is safe, healthy, and happy. I kissed Banner goodnight and thanked him for giving me this day, for making it possible for me to participate as a Mommy today, and then I wished him a happy 1st Mother's Day, too.

Sam & Banner, I love you both so much, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. Thank you for making me feel extra-special today and always!