Journey to the Knot: August 2020

Dear Knox,

Your half-birthday always kind of sneaks up on me, as there is usually so much going on this time of the year. The summer winding down, gearing up for our anniversary, Quinn's birthday on the horizon, and the start of each new school year all happening at once. But, it's fun to stop and just reminisce half-way through your year. This will be my last mid-year newsletter to you. From 5 and on, I will only write once a year in this format. Of course, I always have other letters on specific topics that I write to you and your brothers, but this is the last mid-year letter that's specifically about your growth and development and changes. Usually I enjoy thinking back to the last 6 months of your year, but these past 5 months have been a bit of a blur. You see, we're in the middle of a pandemic, and COVID-19 has kind of taken over whatever plans we had these past several months. We've been cooped up at home, we've been around each other 100% of the time, and we haven't gotten to enjoy the typical activities we would have been otherwise doing. But, that doesn't mean we haven't had some fun, and it doesn't mean we haven't made some special memories. It also doesn't mean that there's nothing to say about YOU! You, my active little fireball, are one crazy kid, and I have a LOT to say about you!

Love this gorgeous face!

So, what have you been up to these last 6 months??

When the coronavirus first hit, you were worried and sad that you couldn't go back to school. Explaining all of this to you, during these early years in your life when you are supposed to be carefree and playful, has been really hard. You kept thinking everyone was going to die from coronavirus. You understood why we couldn't see family or have friends play, but sometimes you would take it too far - even saying that we couldn't get too close to you because, "coronavirus! Duh!" Now that we've taken a few steps to be around certain people, you've realized that we're really okay, but you also know we have to be cautious, wash hands, and wear masks.
You miss your Anshai friends and teachers very much. You haven't been in the building since March 6th, and Spring Break just kept going! It was lovely when your teachers made special videos and we could watch them whenever we wanted. But, when Zoom lessons started to fill our days, you were annoyed and irritated at them. You hated getting online, and you told me the classes make you sad because it makes you miss real school more. This broke my heart, so we backed off of them since mid-April and pretty much stopped them altogether by May.
As the summer passed, and corona didn't let up, we decided to withdraw you from Anshai in order for you to attend RISD PreK at the same building I work in. This is significantly less expensive, but it's also one less building to expose our family to. In addition, we just don't know what this school year will bring, and truth be told, if you are barely going to have school, we figure it's better to focus on academics and less on Judaica that we can teach you at home. I am extremely upset that we had to make this choice. It's a choice we never would have had to make if things were "normal." But, I'm also very excited to share a special school year with you... we get to go to school together this one year!!
Because we've been home so much, and especially as the weather has been so hot, you have spent an inordinate amount of time on a screen. You and your brothers have been allowed more screen time than all of us combined should be allowed in our entire lives. You and Quinn started the summer very obsessed with Animal Crossing on the Switch, then you moved to Super Smash Bros. You also like an Xbox game called Totally Reliable Delivery Service, which cracks you UP! You're happy to watch Kids YouTube and play Tom Gold Run for hours if we let you.
You get really angry really fast. Your anger, your madness, your sadness, your frustration is all over your face, deep in your eyes, puckered in your lips, furrowed in your brows, and clenched in your jaws. You suck those cheeks in when you're especially angry or want to charge at your brothers. Your sad, pouty lips pull downward so naturally hard when you're sad. Your "hurt" cry has been the same since you were a toddler. I've always known a "hurt" cry and a "scared cry" from every other cry you could possibly make.
We're working on letters and sounds, and you pretty much know all of them at this time. G and Y give you the most trouble, but you'll get them soon!
You have the best vocabulary. Just like your big brothers, you never cease to amaze us at the words you choose to use. In addition, you are rather quick to pick up on expressions and sayings, and you use them very appropriately.
You LOVE to be silly - to a fault. It can get really annoying when we are asking you to work with us on letters/numbers/sounds, you get really silly and won't give a correct answer even when I know you know. You enjoy creating jibberish sounds or names. You talk a lot about your butt. You like to dance silly and never smile nicely for a picture.
You're whiny a lot of the time. You are NOT AT ALL patient and demand our attention! Man, the Zoom meetings I would have in the spring were very hard, because you would waltz in the room insisting I get you some apple juice or chocolate milk right away. I'd have to remove you from the room, and then get back to a Zoom call with the utmost (fake) patience. One time, I was on a call with my principal and assistant principal, and you came in crying for apple juice so much so, that when we started a faculty meeting later in the week, my principal said, "Before we start, Ms. Pierce, are we all set on the apple juice?" It was pretty hilarious, actually. But you are one heck of an apple juice snob. Just sayin.
You continue to have two volume levels: OFF and LOUD. You're either sleeping, or you are LOUD.
Well, I'll add to that. OR you are thoroughly enjoying a meal or snack. If you love a food, you'll be pretty quiet. But, if that food is not your favorite, we will hear about how "disgusting" it is. We will be told over and over again that you're not eating it. And, while we've made you try everything on your plate usually, you will fight it as long as possible and gag through the whole experience.
Even really great smells are "stinky" to you. We've walked in to Amanda's house which smells amazing with challah baking or cookies cooling, and you will immediately say, "It smells disgusting in here!" or "What is that stinky smell!?" It's kinda embarrassing, but thank goodness for good friends who "get" you and know that's your way of just saying "I smell something."
I need to reiterate how LOUD you are. I just had to say that again. Like your outside voice is not even appropriate for outside. It's like several decibels above the norm, and the unintelligible wails and shouts while speaking to no one in particular are obnoxious when we're just trying to take a walk around the park or meet friends for bike riding in the circle drive. We might call someone to say hello or FaceTime with someone, and you are so freakin' loud that it's not even worth the call because no one can hear over your loud, jingly gibberish.
We've had to stop swim lessons since March. Luckily, you've gotten lots of time in Grandma & Papa's pool, and you finally learned how to come up for air and swim by yourself! You'll go back to swim lessons eventually, but I feel much better knowing you can breathe now!
You've become pretty scared of things recently. You don't like to sleep in your own bed by yourself and would prefer a brother sleeps in your bed or you sleep with one of them or in our bed. You CAN sleep in your room alone, but it makes you anxious each evening.
You still have a nervous habit of taking your index finger and wiping it from the corner of your mouth back toward your mid-cheek. I can always tell when you're worried or anxious about something when you do this.
Words that start with L are still mispronounced: Yegos, Yittle.... and “animal” is still “aminal.”
Some of your favorite things: pretzels, M&M yogurt, did I mention apple juice?!, watching Teen Titans, playing on any screen, nuggets, Handel's chocolate ice cream, swimming, jumping on the couch (which we cannot stand!!!), the stars in your bedroom at night, Wyatt L., lollipops, when I clean your ears, color baths, the color green, Milano cookies (adorably mispronounced “Lemanos” or “Lenamos” until you’re can remember what they’re called)
You really dislike: buckling yourself up, going anywhere by yourself, trying new foods, being interrupted by your brothers, sitting still, cleaning up

Knox Morgan, I absolutely hate that your school year got cut short, that you couldn't go to Camp Gan Izzy this summer, that you haven't been able to play with friends, that we haven't gone to your favorite places like Chuck E. Cheese's or Cheeky Monkeys, that splash parks and playgrounds and water parks didn't make it into our summer, that our June trip to Disneyland got cancelled and that you never even got to know about it. I hate that this time in your life will be stained with pandemics, politics, panic, and pause. It will become known as "the year you were 4," and it's such a pivotal year, the year of being the "fournado" you were supposed to be while surrounded by peers, social-emotional learning, and play.

Yet, through it all, I'm so grateful that you have two older brothers to play with. Some kids don't have that. I'm so grateful you have been able to go to Grandma's pool, to play with Graham and George down the street, to have this amazing park literally behind our house, to have Daddy home more often (especially when he'd otherwise be gone a lot while campaigning), to have means to technology and to food and toilet paper and Clorox wipes. I count our blessings that we haven't had a financial hit, that we have family and friends that love to drive by to see us, that we can create our own fun here at home - sliding down the stairway on cardboard boxes, making our own PlayDoh, jumping on the trampoline, sliding down the Slip-n-Slide, creating our own Seder, splishing and splashing naked in the kitchen sink, Just Dance-ing, and creating safe paths when the Floor is Lava!

I was most worried about you at the start of this pandemic, because you really need to be around kids your age, developing those social skills you'll use forever. You've seemingly come to enjoy being at home and having all of us here to play all the time, even if it means it can frustrate you when you don't get our attention immediately. I'm still worried about you, but you've taken this uncertain time and rolled with it. The year you were four ... it will certainly be one for the books. You may not remember much of it, I know. But, I hope at the very least you'll feel that we've made this time sacred and special, that instead of being "stuck at home," we've been tucked away all together, SAFE at home.

I love you, my Baby Love.

Happy Half-Birthday!

Love,

Mommy