SO much to say, yet so exhausted after a very active, busy day with you! I feel like we so captured your year last night when we sat in your room and read your "I Believe" with you - reminiscing about your past year of crazy, fun, silly, exciting, fantastic things. Lots of laughs from you, Daddy, and your brothers about all the great memories we've made this year. It's become one of my favorite things we do to honor and celebrate each of my son's - reflecting on the age before we bid it goodbye. Yet, here you are, FOUR already! And, I want to tell you what you're like NOW:
-You are so giggly when it comes to being surprised. Like when Daddy "accidentally" turns off the lights while you're going to the bathroom or when I turn on a song and it starts abruptly with a loud, powerful burst of music, you just laugh so hard.
-You wear your feelings ALL over your body. Your faces, your shrugs, your pouts. You fully feel what you are experiencing, and it can be read from across the room.
-Speaking of feelings, your anger is big. This year, we've worried a lot about your anger. We noticed these feelings brewing starting around the same time school started this year. You just seem angry and frustrated quite often. You yell a LOT. You show your anger with a "fish face" - sucked in cheeks, biting on them from the inside, furrowing your brows, and glaring at the person or thing you are pissed at. You want to throw whatever upset you away, or put that person in jail, or tell us that said person or thing is "stupid." "That Lego is so stupid! We need to throw it away!" Usually, you re-center when I say something like, "Okay, I'll throw it away!" You'll say, "I'm just kidding..." but it's taken a long time to get you to cool down that quickly! I do other things to help you, like telling you to "blow me away," and you'll take a nice, long, deep breath to try to blow me over. Sometimes you like to just listen to my heartbeat, which quiets you down quickly. Your breathing begins to match mine, and you just want to be held. I do worry so, sweet boy. I hate to see you so angry and quick to get frustrated.
-You LOVE to pretend, and I LOVE watching you! You "talk on the phone" to your friends, and that "phone" can be anything - a walkie talkie, a picture, a toilet paper tube. You build Lego (Duplo) structures to become anything you want. You will sit and play with your Peppa Pig playhouse for a long time and make up stories. At school, you "go on trips" with your friends and play house, too. The last few months, you've been telling us you are a dog, and usually that dog has a name - most recently, "Hook." In fact, tonight, we saw a dog in a car parked outside Chuck E. Cheese's, and you said, "It's like me. It's a dog like me."
-You have continued to have an imaginary friend, Phono. You drop information about him every now and then - that he can fly, that he is still at Greene Family Camp even though we came home, that he is getting married, that he's going to jail... it's different all the time, but you continue to entertain us all with your stories about Phono.
-My favorite things you say: "glubs" (gloves), "pesketti," "aminal," "young lady," "little man," "young man,""what's my butt doing?" "sweet Hanukkah (or New Year or Birthday or Valentine) dreams," and of course, "I love you."
-You love color baths, M&M yogurt, chocolate milk, apple juice, Ms. Bev, YouTube Kids, swimming, giving me "stuck" kisses, using our phones to make character videos and sending them to the other parent, the color green, watching Teen Titans Go, wearing your brown hoodie fully zipped, saying "eyeball" to make anything seem funnier.
-You're really picking up your letters and sounds. Thanks to the help of Letter Factory, the tried and true way your big brothers learned their letters, you love learning about the alphabet. V and Y confuse you, as do G and J, but otherwise, you're really good at your lettters.
-In November, we had your fall conference with your teachers, Bev & Jake. You are working on your fine motor skills, something you have not enjoyed at all until more recently. You like to draw, mostly scribble, and you tire easily. We are working on this and just trying to get you to have fun with writing/drawing/coloring.
-One of the hardest things with you is taking pictures. You are beyond squirmy and do ANYTHING but smile for the camera. It's impossible to get you to look at the camera, stay still, and smile. You do like to pose yourself in a hilarious stance - one ankle crossed over the other, a lean against whatever is nearby, and a thumb and index finger pointing at the camera (seen here on Yom Kippur).
-You've gotten really good at swimming! You willingly and easily go to Emler for swim lessons now, and you follow your teachers' instructions well. You're still not coming up for air on your own, and you don't roll over independently, but I'm hoping by the end of this semester that you are able to do that.
-You have a nervous habit: taking your index finger and stroking it back from the corner of your mouth across your cheek. I notice it when you seem unsure of something whether it's of yourself or what is to come or when something will happen. Lately, I've been using it as a sign to hold your hand or check in with you.
-You are wearing size 4T clothes, size 4 underwear, and size 9.5 shoes. You wake up around 7:15am and go to bed around 8:00. You're still taking Zyrtec every night, and starting today you get to take TWO gummy vitamins instead of one, and that makes you very happy!
Knox Morgan, you are a big ball of energy! You seem to have two modes: asleep ... and loud. You're either turned off, or you are wild. You rarely stop moving until you are asleep. You make your presence known wherever you go. I notice it's hard for you to be the little one, always competing for attention, so you use your voice to shout and to demand everyone listen to you. You love attention, and if you're not getting it, you will do whatever you can to be sure we pay attention to you. As a third child, you most definitely get away with things your brothers couldn't at this age, and they notice that we give in to you more than we should. We know. And we are working on it, but damn, you are persistent and difficult from time to time. Usually all you really want is to be heard and seen and given the same level of attention as everyone else. You know you are my baby, and you milk that for all it's worth! I think it's hard for me to remember just how big you are getting, as I still - from time to time - cater to you like you're itty bitty. And, there's a big part of me that doesn't want you to grow up.
I find myself feeling very unsettled before each of my children's birthdays - clinging to their age and stage for dear life, not wanting to watch you become older. But, then, lo and behold, the day is upon us, and I fully embrace the new year ahead. We met our four year old Knox this morning - greeting you with a balloon wake-up and donuts and kolaches for all. Then, we headed to your birthday party, a joint party with Levi at Cheeky Monkey's this year, then opened some exciting gifts, played outside, ate dinner at Chuck E. Cheese's, and let you have your choice of what color tablets you wanted in your bath and what show we got to watch before bedtime tonight. And through it all, I realize you aren't any different today than you were yesterday, but I can't believe that little baby I held on my bare chest is already four today. That day we met seems like yesterday. As I watched you play at Chuck E. Cheese's tonight, walking around cutely confident, I can see you with equal vividness being born into this world, cuddling on my chest only seconds old. That's the weird part about being a parent. I see you, aging while still finding that infant in your face every day. And the bittersweetness of parenting is holding on to you so little, wanting to freeze time, yet wanting to watch you grow, unwrapping the big boy, teenager, young man you are going to become. There's nothing better than watching your kids grow up - for certain, I wouldn't want it any other way! But, it's also spectacular that in my mind, you are still that little nugget with a drooly grin, a wisp of longer hair growing behind your right ear, and a dimple on your left cheek peeking through.
Every moment, of every day, I hope you know how very much I love you. Your "threenage" year is behind us, and I'm holding on for dear life as the "fournado" year comes barreling through. No matter what, we got this. I got you. I will never for one second not be here for you through these times of figuring out who you are and how your independence presents itself. For better or worse, we are on the edge of our seats awaiting the year ahead! How exciting it is to be in the eye (or should I say, "eyeball?") of the storm!
Happy Birthday, Knoxipoo!
I LOVE you!
Love,
Mommy
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| Last photo as a 3-year-old! |
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| I ask to take a picture of you... and this is what I get. |
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| Or this... |
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| Or this. |
