The Amber Necklace

This evening, Knox came up to me after dinner, in the middle of our movie night and asked that I take off his necklace. Internally, my heart sank, but I obliged, unscrewed the clasp, and asked why he didn't want it on. He didn't give a clear reason, or if he did - I was still processing the question to pay attention... but I told him if he changed his mind to let me know, and I'd put it back on. I glanced at Sam, who was also feeling the sadness I was. We knew this moment was coming, and to be honest, it took a year longer to arrive than I anticipated. 

When Knox was 10-months-old, he was having major sleep issues. Well past the age of needing midnight feeds, past the 2-week-long hell that was breaking his first tooth, and past my breaking point of being able to handle little sleep, I looked for ANY aid. I had heard people mention that amber necklaces could give comfort to little ones who may be teething or having other pains. Apparently, the warmth of the body released some kind of magic and unleashed endless benefits to a suffering, sleepless baby. Not one to "believe" in the powers of ancient voodoo, I was reluctant to succumb to my internal eye rolls and purchase an amber necklace at the old Nappy Shop nearby. I swore I'd never put a string of beads around my infant's neck, presenting a choking hazard into my child's crib at night (or any other time, for that matter). Who could possibly buy into this crazy, hippie, granola B.S? But, alas, delirium had set in, and I was making a purchase - along with essential oils, teething beads, and Punkin Butt Teething Oil. I know I exited the store with a loss of pride but a lot of hope. 

I put these beads of doom around my 10-month-old baby's neck, hoping I wasn't about to create a death trap as everyone had warned. I went to bed that night with the same amount of anxiety I had when I put my babies to bed on their bellies and not their backs for the first night as newborns. (Yes, this cautious mother ignored every warning out there and did what she knew was right for her kids. Judge me.) Sam and I weren't expecting any kind of miracle, but lo and behold... our boy slept. For the first time in we couldn't remember when, Knox slept soundly through the entire night. 

We never took the necklace off. He never had a sleep issue again. 

Except, about 10 months later, around 20-months-old or so, Knox started getting a rash around his neck. I started to think the necklace was too tight. I went back to the Nappy Shop to buy a longer amber necklace. When the woman behind the counter asked me why I wanted a different one, I explained what I was seeing on Knox's neck. She said he really shouldn't need a different size for years. She advised taking the necklace off of him, cleaning it really with a toothbrush, soap, and water, and allowing the sun to dry it. Apparently, this would "recharge" whatever mystic material gets released by body heat. So, I went home and did as she said. But, I forgot to grab the necklace from outside before Knox went to bed. That night, Knox had a horrible night. I remember sitting in the dark with Sam wondering what to do to get our toddler back to sleep. Sam, the skeptic, said, "Get that necklace back on him and never take it off again!"

The following day, we got the necklace back on him. And, it hasn't come off one time until tonight.

It's become a part of Knox. Literally, it's been everywhere with him. I never fully believed his sleeping was due to the amber necklace, but we never wanted to "jinx" it again. So, it's stayed a part of him, and I couldn't bear the thought of taking it off of him when it had become his style. It looks cool, and it is so him. Just like the little tuft of hair that grew behind his right ear from the day he was born until his first haircut, this is part of Knox. 

So, on this second night in over 3 years that our boy will go to sleep without his amber around his neck, I felt we owed it to the necklace to pay tribute, to say thank you, to embrace the adventures it's seen with our youngest son. The first days of school, the doctor's appointments, the swim lessons, the family holidays, the vacations, the play dates, the parties, the illnesses, the last days of school, the birthdays, the days at camp, the scary and funny and frustrating and silly times, every photo, every hug, every bath... you've been there with our boy, and we just want to say thank you. Thank you for the sleep! Thank you for the comfort you gave our boy. Thank you for being a part of the majority of his first 4 years. He will look different tomorrow, unless of course, he asks for you back!

Amid Evil Times

Two weeks ago, we took the boys to Medieval Times for a fun family dinner. Banner and Quinn had each been once before, but this was Knox's first time there, and we all had such a great time both watching the show and watching Knox take in all the excitement of the knights and the battles. I've been several times, and to be honest, I've never truly paid much attention to the drama. I watch the feuds, watch the horses and the talents of the knights, but I have never really listened to the speaker telling the back story. Perhaps the story is the same every time, but I'd have no idea if that is the case. On this particular visit, I really listened, though - really tried to follow a story line.

This visit, we were the Red and Yellow team, cheering on the Red & Yellow Knight. We sat immediately opposite of the entrance, and on our sides were the Blue team and the Green team. We were told these were our allies so we should cheer for our knight as well as theirs. This was the first time I remember a mention of allies at all. Sam and I caught each others' attention and agreed this was the first time we'd heard something like that. Apparently we were all part of one bigger village or area - that whole half of the arena. We were "enemies" of the other half - the Red Knight, the Black & White Knight, and the Yellow Knight. We were to boo loudly for those colors.

Our knight did really well all evening. In fact, he won every duel, and in the final challenges of the tournament, he was one of the last knights standing. We were so excited that maybe OUR knight was going to win the whole tournament. Right before the penultimate battle, the queen had some dialogue with the Red & Yellow Knight. At one point, he made some condescending response to her about women leading the land and how men should be in charge and he didn't really need to listen to her. Now, here we were cheering for our guy and all of a sudden, listening to this banter between him and the queen, I stopped cheering, realizing I didn't really like what I was hearing. Sam and I looked at each other, wondering what we had just really heard. I mouthed to him, "Wait, no.... what?" I was perplexed.

But, then the queen's conversation with our knight ended, and she began talking with our knight's challenger, asking him to defend her honor and fight the Red & Yellow Knight in her name. I found myself conflicted. I wanted our guy to win the tournament, but I didn't really like what he was saying. And, I liked the way the challenger was so supportive of the queen. As the Red & Yellow Knight and the Yellow Knight battled, I didn't really know who to cheer for. Of course, the boys were yelling for our guy, but Sam and I were kind of quietly clapping - not really sure who we were routing for. Suddenly, I didn't want to be sitting with the Red & Yellow team. But, for nearly 2 hours, I had sat there cheering on our Red & Yellow Knight, wearing the Red & Yellow striped crown on my head, yelling "Go, Red & Yellow Knight!!" Only two hours, and I felt it difficult to sever ties with our knight. But I could not support the very unchivalrous comments he was making to the queen.

You can see where I'm going with this, right? The only thing I could think about in those last 20 minutes or so was "This is what it feels like to be a Republican." Laugh all you want, but it was so clear to me in that moment just how powerful allegiance to a team can feel. Sam and I discussed our feelings and thoughts about this experience on the way home, and neither of us had to say the words Democrat or Republican to know each of us felt the exact same way. That tie was strong to our fictitious knight. The evening ended and nothing had changed in real life - except my understanding of how it is so hard to leave the team you are hoping would win when they start saying things you don't truly believe.

Yet, we did. We stopped cheering for the Red & Yellow Knight. We backed off the yelling and clapping. We stopped encouraging our kids to cheer loudly. And, when the opponent won, we clapped. Maybe not as loudly as we would have if we had originally been on the Yellow team, but we did cheer. Goodness had won; chivalry had won; kindness had won. I was proud to have stopped cheering for our loser. He was mean and not worth fighting for. And I wanted the other guests in our "village" to stop cheering for him, too.

We are a nation divided. We are at odds with each other over politics, and it's awful. The way we speak to one another, listen or not to each other - all based on what "team" you are on? This is not the America I once knew. I've become bitter toward so many people based on which way they vote, and I know it. I am not happy about that part of me - but I also wish everyone would take a really hard look at which side of the arena they are on and be sure they are there for the right reasons. Are they there because they were told to be, like we were told to go sit in the Red & Yellow Knight's section? Are they there because they truly believe this is the knight who is going to do right by them?

Which team are you on? Are your allegiances too strong to say "This guy is a jerk; he does not represent what I feel or know to be true?" Or, are you able to really look at "your knight" and see his huge flaws and then back away from him even though it's hard to stop supporting the guy you thought he was?

President Trump is an evil, awful person. His supporters baffle me; I don’t understand following and applauding a "leader" who is ill-intentioned, untruthful, and narcissistic. But I "get" it. It's hard to change your loyalties. I've had to question my own, and while I agree that when I see a "D" next to a politician's name I immediately think I'll agree with him/her, I firmly believe I'm on the morally right LEFT side. Yes, there are some difficult topics to grapple with, and I'm not 100% liberal on all of them, but geez, morality is not on the other side of this arena. These are "evil times," and I really hope if you've been cheering for the wrong knight this whole time that you are able to step back and make a better choice. Take others along with you who may be too scared, anxious, sad, nervous, embarrassed, or overwhelmed to do it on their own. You don't have to keep cheering for the wrong guy.