And Another Year Makes... ELEVEN! (Quinn's Newsletter!)

Dear Quinn, 

Over a week ago, you turned ELEVEN! I still cannot believe how old that sounds for you. I still see you as my squishy toddler who couldn't say his r's! I mean not really - I know you're quite mature and fully functioning as the pre-teen that you are, but in my mind, you will always live as my silly "little middle" with big ideas! I am so very thankful for you in my life, and I hope you know how very loved and cherished you are. Let me tell you about you at 11:

-The biggest change for your this year was getting your tonsils and adenoids removed. You've always been a loud breather when you sleep, snoring on and off throughout the night. When you were 10-months-old, I took you to an ENT to find out if there was anything going on that we should be concerned about. He diagnosed you with laryngomalacia - basically a floppy/flimsy breathing tube that made breathing more difficult, especially if you slept on your back and/or cried a lot. Thank goodness I had been trusting my gut to go against the recommendation to put you to bed on your back and instead felt that you got better rest on your belly. The ENT said this would help you breathe better; and he also advised never letting you cry it out. So we went to you every time you cried. We were told you would grow out of laryngomalacia by about two-years-old, and I guess you did, but you never stopped being a noisy sleeper. When we took you to a different ENT around 3 years old, he told us you weren't showing signs of sleep apnea, so there was no need to take your tonsils and we should just watch you. We did get your "scoped" for vocal nodules at 5-years-old, and sure enough, you had them. Your raspy voice had always given me concern, so we sought speech therapy to help with nodules, and while we were at it, we tackled your "r" and "s" sounds. You've continued to have to take care of your voice with lots of water and trying not to scream or shout a lot. But, again, the darn sleeping just kept being so loud. Especially in the past couple of years, you'd wake up with a sore throat and even say you didn't want to talk, whispering to me, "Email my teacher and tell her I'm not talking today!" In third grade, you had strep twice - pretty close together, and Dr. B. said if you had it one more time we'd need to consider getting your tonsils out. Last year, I was on the fence about just seeking another ENT appointment, but we never really did anything about it. Finally, after a horrible sore throat and a phone call from the GFC nurse saying, "His tonsils are HUGE," I made ENT appointments with two different doctors. The first one said you weren't really a candidate for surgery because you didn't have the other symptoms of sleep apnea - agreeing with the ENT when you were 3. But my gut was still feeling like he wasn't getting the whole picture. So, I wen to the other ENT appointment and basically just said, "I want them out." This doctor looked at your throat, said, "Wow, you've got some big old meatballs back there, don't you, Quinn?!" He said, yes, let's take them out. The following week, right after surgery, he came to the waiting room to get Dad and me, and he said that your tonsils and especially adenoids were so big - blocking about 75-80% of your airway. He said it was like you've "been living under water your whole life." Oh man, to hear that made me both delighted that we demanded this surgery and angry that we waited 10 years to do it! I was angry at the doctors who didn't guide us properly or never really seemed to hear what I was saying. I slept in your bed for the first 10 days after surgery, and at first the snoring didn't go away, but after a week when swelling was less, you stopped! It's been about a month and a half, and now, you are a quiet sleeper! I never know when you're asleep or not - whereas before, I could hear you were asleep from down the hallway! My heart is more at peace knowing my baby can breathe!! 

-You are so very smart! You are well above grade level in every subject, and in STAAR reading you scored in the 100th percentile in 4th grade. In math, you scored in the 95th percentile. You LOVE to learn; always have! You love PACE, you love to read, you enjoy learning about how things happen, where they come from, how they work, etc.

-You still love to collect all kinds of random things I call "tchotchkes." You've gotten better about knowing what you can or should throw away, but you continue to want all kinds of little doodads in your possession. We cleaned out every corner of your room this summer, and when you found some old pouches and zipper bags full of old tchotchkes, you laughed and wondered why you would have kept these things. You said we could throw them away, but then, I could see your 4-, 5-, or 6-year-old self getting upset that you would throw away old crayons or Chuck E. Cheese prizes, and I might have just kept them there. When it comes to these keepsakes, you and I are a bit similar after all! 

-You take medication for anxiety. I think this started around February/March, but I can't be sure. You had been going to Nurse Sarah quite often, complaining more of headaches and stomachaches, not wanting to go to school... these had been fairly common issues in the fall semester for years, a pattern that we had seen and would improve once your teachers really got to know how bright and ahead you were and could finally challenge you in school. But it wasn't getting better in fourth grade, so we took you to Dr. A, and he helped us "bring down the temperature" on your anxiety. I don't think you'll need them long-term, and neither does Dr. A, but for now, they're really helpful. I do wonder if your poor sleep exacerbated your anxiety. We will have to see how it goes and what he recommends for how to wean you off the medication. You've always been nostalgic, deep thinking, a little anxious, and emotional- and you come by those characteristics very naturally! I'm the exact same way, and it runs deep in our genes. But, better sleep will certainly help!

-I absolutely love watching you play baseball. You're playing on the RoughRiders team now - the same team we called the Pirates last season. Coach Jerod is great, and you're making friends with new boys who love cheering you on (although I don't love your "Cookie Monster" nickname, which you apparently got when you wore Banner's old Sesame Street gangster shirt to practice one day). 

-You love: Brawl Stars, soft drinks, going to 7-Eleven, popcorn, broccoli, hanging with your "friend group," baseball, watching shows as a family (Glee is the one we're on now, but we've done Ted Lasso, Friends, and Lost in the past year), Greek mythology (but probably because Fortnite released those characters recently), GFC, ziplining, roller coasters, cooking with me, sitting in the front seat, playing with your brothers, cuddling with Tova, sleeping in our bed, Subway, Freebirds, building Lego sets, and swimming.

-We went for your well check with Dr. B at the end of last week, and. you're doing great. We did discuss your weight and your overeating, and this is something you will work on. You've been going to the gym with Dad sometimes, and you know you need to cut back on the soft drinks that we allow you to have at special events. We will help you with this! You are 57 inches = 55th percentile. You weigh 111 pounds = 93rd percentile. Dr. B suspects you will have a big growth spurt this year. 

-For your birthday, we took 11 of your friends to a RoughRiders game to watch you throw out the first pitch of the game! It was so fun. LOUD, but fun! You invited Myles, Bryson, Harper, Derek, Ryan, Levi, Luca, Nami, Nico, Bennet, and Hayden. Grandma, Papa, Zaide, BeeBee, Banner, Knox, Dad, me, and of course, you were also there! We had a private suite that Dad had won at an auction; we ate baseball cupcakes after a hot dog, chicken tender, and hamburger dinner. It was a blast! We also sang "Happy Birthday" to you with the family at our anniversary video viewing party, and then on your actual birthday, Dad and I brought you lunch to school, and then we went to Magic Time Machine for dinner.

Quinn Redding, you are my easiest child. You are so cooperative, respectful, obedient, caring, affectionate, responsible, and attentive. You are inquisitive, insightful, creative, inventive, and so full of great ideas. I rarely have to ask you twice to do something, and you are the first to volunteer to help me with whatever is needed. You have your priorities in good order, and you know to do the things you don't really want to do - but must - first. I often have to check myself and make sure I'm not asking you to do more than your fair share. You're just the only one of my boys who doesn't make a fuss about it, so I find myself asking you to do the quick thing I need help with. That's not fair to you, and I am well aware of that. I promise you I'm working on it. You and I are the only ones in this house without ADHD, and we sometimes lean on each other or check in with each other when the others in the house aren't listening or paying attention.

This week, you asked me how many months before summer break. I answered, "Eight," but went on to tell you of course that included two weeks of winter break, a week of spring break, and a week of fall break. You said, "No, I know. I just wanted to know how much longer I have at Hightower. I don't want it to be over." This, of course, was not what I was expecting, instead thinking you wanted summer break back. I told you to just savor the year, enjoy what you have left rather than worrying about it or being sad that it's "only" 8 months. This last year of elementary school is going to be hard for you because it is just that - the last. You had a hard time leaving Anshai and knowing Pre-K was over, that a new chapter would be starting. Like me, you are well aware of time marching on and wanting to capture it before it's gone all too quickly. Change is hard, growing up is hard, saying goodbye is hard. But I hope you will enjoy this celebratory year ahead of you knowing how lucky you are to have had this time at your beloved school, with your beloved teachers and friends. I also know you are going to be successful in the next chapter and go far wherever you go! I am so grateful to be your mom - to support you through these challenges and changes, to cuddle you each night, to watch all your accomplish, to cheer you on in every endeavor, to care for you when you need it most, to hold your hand through every chapter. 

I love you so very much, My Love. I wish you a very happy birthday and many more to come!

Love,

Mom

Saying goodbye to 10

Last sleep as a 10-year-old

Night before 1 vs. Night before 11

Trump, Israel, and The "Bad Jews"

"I don't know how any Jewish person could support Biden," a friend wrote in response to my pro-Trump cousin's Facebook post: 

This comment was posted before President Biden announced he will not seek re-election in 2024. Yet, even after Biden endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris, the same theme continued on various threads my Jewish friends have posted. So it's not really Biden, per se, it seems it's Democrats that these friends don't want to support. This division amongst Jews isn't new, but it sure has been magnified in the past couple weeks. Energized, excited Democratic Jews are eager to express their support for Kamala Harris, but they are met with anger, fear, and near-hatred when it comes to the responses from their Jewish Republican friends/family members. This has caused quite the on-going discussion and musings in my own inner circle of family and friends. My cousin, my dad, several friends.... they say they can't believe that anyone who considers him/herself even a little bit Jewish could even consider voting for Democrats. Ironically, I'm similarly baffled - but by their support FOR Trump. So, I wanted to sit down and write out why I'm so damn confused and why I could never possibly vote for that guy. (A quick aside before I go on: A totally separate post could outline the reasons why I support Kamala and the Democratic candidates up and down the ticket. I'm not totally sure which is more important to me: voting for Democrats because I highly believe in and agree with the Dem platform or voting against Trump - both equally acceptable reasons to vote for Kamala.) 

Judaism, like other religions, teaches values that have been passed down through text, custom, and culture. These values teach us how to live, how to behave, and how to treat the world and everything in it. They are a set of moral and ethical guidelines to help us determine what is desirable or not. Throughout my childhood, I was taught by various Jewish organizations (camps, Sunday School, youth groups) and my family and close family friends what these values are. Some were taught explicitly - with a lesson plan and direct instruction, while others we just sort of gathered along the way. Many, if not most, of the values I was taught were also taught in secular school and seemed to be part of what I thought everyone in America valued. Ideas such as giving to others in need, using kind words and actions, respecting the elderly, accepting differences in others, taking care of the earth and other living creatures, having empathy and compassion for others, being grateful, solving conflicts peacefully - these are the values that I learned growing up, and these are the same lessons I taught as a teacher and then school counselor when I worked in public education. These, and many more, are the things that make us "good," that make us caring and kind human beings.

So, it is absolutely mind-blowingly baffling to have friends and family who would support someone like Donald Trump. I don't mind that they are Republicans. I don't mind that we have different stances or views on policies. What I do mind is that they would throw support behind or even think about voting for this guy who defies nearly every Jewish value I can think of. 

Every single one of them will tell me it's because of how they feel about Israel and/or antisemitism. Supporting Israel IS a Jewish value, yes, absolutely. You don't need to know all the ways Israel is close to my heart (how my best friend in elementary school was from Israel and how much I loved her telling me about it, how I made her sing "Hatikva" to me allll the time, how I toured Israel for 6 weeks as a teenager and went to stay with that friend when her family was living there again, how we planted trees in Israel, donate to Israel, have savings bonds in Israel, want our children to go there, etc, etc, etc.) to know that loving the land and people of Israel is a value I hold just as dear as my Jewish peers. But supporting Israel isn't just a Jewish value. Like the others I mentioned above, valuing Israel and wanting it to succeed as a nation, as a people, as a democracy - those are American values, as well. So for my Republican Jewish friends and family members to believe the lies they are being told about Kamala Harris not supporting Israel also blows my mind. She has said time and time again that she believes in Israel's right to exist and defend itself. She has stated her unwavering support for Israel many times. 

EVEN IF she were anti-Israel (which she isn't!!!), a vote for Trump is a vote against nearly all other Jewish values. And, if all we vote for is Israel, what exactly is left?? This question reminds me of Banner's Torah portion. His D'var Torah (speech about his Torah portion at his bar mitzvah) brilliantly captures this very issue. If you want to read or hear the whole thing, email me or message me, but I'll summarize: God tells Moses to tell the Levites that they are to be guards of the Tabernacle, the holy tent of meeting, and that if anyone encroaches on Aaron's leadership of the Tabernacle, they should be put to death. Banner says "that's a pretty big consequence, which led me to ask 'What exactly are the Levites guarding the Tabernacle from and why?'" He goes on to discuss what it means today to be a guard of the "Tabernacle of Judaism and the Jewish community" - guarding against antisemitism and protecting our culture physically AND spiritually. He says we have to guard our community from external and internal threats. What is an internal threat? He claims it's anything from assimilation to internal conflicts among Jews (ah-hem) and losing hold of our values. "These internal threats remind us that we need to guard the Jewish future in ways a security guard cannot." Banner is stating exactly what I'm worried about when it comes to a vote for Trump - a guy who might (MIGHT) support Israel, but at what cost to all other values? What good is the physical space without the values it upholds? A liar, convict, cheat, racist, misogynistic, bigot doesn't hold up our values. Are Jews really willing to let everything else go for this guy's empty words (which he seems to go back and forth on daily)? When my Jewish friends and family want to vote against all the other Jewish values with magical thinking that their preferred candidate is going to have all the answers and fix a centuries-old conflict, it really just baffles me.

What do Jewish Republicans need to hear or see from Harris to believe she's pro-Israel? It is true Democrats have some far-leftists that seem antisemitic. But these people do not represent the whole party. Furthermore, they are not running for president. Trump, on the other hand, is - and while he doesn't represent the entire Republican party (and hence why many Republicans are leaving the party and/or endorsing VP Harris), he is the face of it and the far-right nut job who is up for president. What do Jewish Republicans think he will do for Israel? Bomb the fuck out of Gaza? Destroy Palestinians? Is that really good for Israel? What's the long-range plan there? And where do our Jewish values of respecting humanity come in to play with that plan? 

Are they voting for Trump because they think he will do more to stop antisemitism in America? I'm confused. What do they think the guy who had dinner with a White supremacist, Holocaust denier is going to do for us? The guy who said there were "some very fine people on both sides" after violence broke out during the Unite the Right's rally in Charlottesville - the protest that included neo-Nazis, white supremacists, and people shouting Nazi phrases? The guy who reportedly thinks Hitler did some good things? This guy who just a few days ago promised Christians that they won't have to vote again because everything will be "fixed." As Emily Tamkin, author of Bad Jews: A History of American Jewish Politics and Identities, said in an interview this week, Trump is "undermining the pluralism and liberalism that keep American Jews safe here. I think there's a reason that most Jews don't vote for/aren't planning on voting for Donald Trump, and there's a reason that Trump himself doesn't want to have these conversations. It's because being supportive of this one particular vision and version of Israel is not necessarily the most important thing to most American Jews," and his stance on Israel does not cancel out or excuse any of the other things listed above that are very clearly antisemitic.

Trump has stated that "any Jewish person that votes for Democrats hates their religion.... they hate everything about Israel and they should be ashamed of themselves because Israel will be destroyed." He says Jews who vote for Kamala Harris "need their heads examined." This kind of rhetoric is dangerous and divides American Jews from one another. He is trying to define who is a Jew and who isn't, setting qualifications to belong to a certain group, a group that is just as politically diverse as any other group of people. It's okay to have differences of opinions within a group; it's fine to disagree with one another. Jews are used to disagreeing with each other! In fact, Jews are encouraged to ask tough questions - of our rabbis, of ourselves, of each other, and even of God. We are used to debating and often times value debate over consensus. BUT, to be pitted against one another by an "outsider" who is trying to define what makes a person a "good Jew" or a "bad Jew" or even a "Jew" at all... well, I do think this is antisemitic. It is alienating a huge group of this demographic, most of whom vote Democratic. Furthermore, if holding certain political opinions makes someone a bad Jew, I supposed over 70% of Israelis are "bad Jews" for not supporting or agreeing with Prime Minister Netanyahu.

When Kamala Harris and her husband, Doug Emhoff, moved into the Vice President's Residence, they became the first to affix a mezuzah to any executive residency. How is this indicative that Kamala doesn't support Jews in America? When she met privately with Netanyahu, how is this antisemitic? Oh, it's because she didn't attend his address to Congress? That's what my friends are saying makes her antisemitic. They forget that she had previously planned engagements during the overwhelmingly exciting week that she was nearly named the new Democratic presidential nominee. Perhaps she didn't feel the need to attend the "State of the Union" speech given by another nation's leader who was invited by the Republican-led House, but instead felt that she needs to win the votes of Americans so she can get get into office and have the power to help Israel. Speaking of helping Israel, does Trump plan to do that by giving Putin more power or withdrawing from NATO or ... what exactly was his plan again? 

I think American Jews can agree that what happened on October 7th is devastating, disgusting, and despicable. We can agree that Hamas must be destroyed, that hostages must be freed and returned safely to Israel NOW, and that America needs to continue to support Israel, a country that celebrates democracy and many of our liberal values. That being said, we live in America, and if we vote for someone who wants to end democracy, our rights, our values, our freedoms will be gone. I don't know how THIS bottom line isn't the most important issue on the table for all Americans, Jews and non-Jews alike. Trump has laid out his plan for America - to hand it over to his loyal followers who plan, quite clearly, to destroy the foundation of our American (and Jewish) values. So, it is for alllllll of these reasons that I say, I don't know how any Jewish person could support Trump. 

Need more information about Jewish values? Check here, here, or here!

Need to register to vote? Check this page out!

Want to donate to VP Harris or other Dems!? Go here!

Want more on Jewish Democrats? Check this page out!

And Another Year Makes... a TEENAGER! (Banner's 13th!)

 Dear Banner,

What? Thirteen!? How did we get here when just yesterday I was bringing you home from the hospital. Those first days feel like yesterday; I can still feel you, smell you, remember you exactly as you were in those early scary, grueling, tender days. And, 13 years have passed by in the proverbial blink! I usually cringe when people say "I can't believe..." or "It goes so fast," or "How did we get here?" But, damn, it's true. We usually hear those things when it pertains to other people - while we're in the thick of raising our kids in the forever-long days, forgetting how fast time flies when you stand back a moment and look at the fleeting years. I know how we got here, and I CAN believe it, and sometimes it doesn't go fast.... but when we stop to just reflect on how far we've come or how very vividly we can remember something, yes, it feels like time is escaping from our fingers that can't hold on no matter how hard we try. Which is why I write these letters to you in the first place - to try to capture you at this very moment, this exact age, tell you what I know about you, what impressions or observations I have about you - because we cannot stop time or stay like this for long. Before I know it, you'll be doing the next thing, and this fragile year of being 13 will be over, just like 12 has passed all too quickly.

So what are you up to these days??

• The highlight of this year was just yesterday! Your bar mitzvah day! You've spent the past 9+ months learning Hebrew (since you certainly didn't learn it at Hebrew school like we had hoped you'd been doing for four years), learning to chant your Torah portion, practicing prayers, understanding and writing about your Torah portion, learning your haftarah, and getting ready to stand as leader and teacher in front of most of your friends and family. You hated practicing at home, although you didn't mind going to tutoring with Haya or Hallie or Rabbi Stern. True to yourself, you did it your own way and in your own time, regardless of how much we all begged you to practice and study. And you did beautifully! I was so very proud watching you throughout your service; I didn't want it to end! 
• Your favorite things: rap music, Drake, 21 Savage, Nike anything, gaming, your phone, dumplings, your friends, sports, playing basketball, sleeping in the same room as your brothers, staying up late, drumming, Reese's, Rainbow Siege Six, Crumbl cookies, hibachi, going to the park with your friends (either at the Fish Park or Whispering Springs).
• On the way to your bar mitzvah party, you asked me if we were doing Camp Mommy this year. I wasn't sure if you were asking because you did or didn't want it, so I replied, "Do you want there to be a Camp Mommy this year?" Your answer was heartwarming: "Yes, definitely." I was so pleased to hear this because I really enjoy my one-on-one time with you. I also know that there might come a time when you don't want to spend a week with me, so I am savoring any time you're willing to give me! :)
• Academically, you are doing very well. You still never tell me when you have a test/quiz, and you don't "study" like I think you should to prepare for tests, but I think you're learning how you learn best. I also think you had a math teacher this year who helped you (and all the other students) "cheat" their way to A's in the class by helping you and guiding you on tests. Unfortunately, we got some confirmation of that from everyone's STAAR tests when your scores didn't reflect "A" level work. This coming school year, you'll be taking Algebra, a course that will go on your transcript, so I'm hoping you have a better teacher! 
• My favorite thing is that you still love to hold my hand. I love this more than I can express. 
• I love that you will talk to me and don't seem to feel inhibited when it comes to ANY topic. Sometimes it takes a while for you to do it, but you will talk to me eventually and usually speak openly about anything.
• Your phone is the bane of my existence. I hate that thing with a passion. You are CONSTANTLY asking for new apps. Lately you've wanted Snapchat or TikTok, neither of which we have caved on. You have been sneaky about getting around some of the parental controls, and that has caused Dad and I to seriously rethink our decisions on your phone privileges. I hate the way we see phones sucking time away from kids your age (or anyone, really). But it's also the way of the world and how you are able to maintain a social life. It does have its perks - like being able to keep in touch with various groups of friends (camp, Sunday School, school, cousins) or being able to get in touch with Dad or me immediately. 
• You are in the thick of puberty, and you are growing so very quickly. Two weeks before school got out, you were eye-to-eye with me, but by the time school was out, you were starting to look "down" to talk to me! We're basically the same height, but your eyes are slightly above mine now. Your mustache hair is wanting to come in, but we keep "shaving" it with the eyebrow shaver I use. Your voice is definitely dropping. It's been a bit of a challenge as you tried to figure out your pitch when chanting your Torah portion - 8 months ago, you sang in a very different voice than you do now! Hair - all over! Your legs are very manly looking - and that seemed to have happened so fast!

Banner Boone, sometimes I think that you are already so old or that you're aging so fast. But then I say your age out loud. 13. You're still my little boy at 13. Yes, you're a "teenager," and that means you think you're tough shit, but I have to shift my thinking sometimes and remember that you are still just 13 now. Just 13. You are going to make big mistakes. You are going to feel awkward and uncertain. You are going to believe you know right from wrong or know all the answers. You are going to want to ignore me, test me, push me to a breaking point. But, you are still my little one who needs me and Dad to guide you to the next stage. 13 is thinking you're ready for the world, and Angel Baby, you are NOT. And both of us need to remember that. You are just 13. Let yourself be 13. Let me let you be 13. As we take the next steps across this bridge of adolescence, please hold my hand - even when you don't want to. Please don't run from me, and I'll remember to wait for you with patience, understanding, and lots of love.

Happy Birthday, Angel Baby! I love you so very much.

Love, 

Mom

Knox's 2nd Grade Art & Projects

Homeroom Teacher: Mrs. Natalie Rushing

Sunday School Teacher: Ms. Brianna Burgan

These photos are a bit all over the place when it comes to any order; my computer seems to just put them wherever they want. I always love looking back at your work and seeing how far you have come. I just LOVE your creativity when it comes to what you write about and what you draw. You LOVE to draw and make up stories. 

With Mrs. Swearingen at Open House

Glow in the dark art at Open House

At Open House with Mrs. Rushing

Reading us your work at Open House

Book Character Parade - Pigeon made a reappearance after Kindergarten

Storybook Pumpkins: Oogie-Boogie & Jack Skellington

With Mila at the End of Year Class Party